Red Sabbath vs The MilkMob
1st Period:
RED (1-0) – Lucas (1) (assisted by Tarnow) (3:50)
MILK (1-1) – The Milkman (1) (unassisted) (5:35)
2nd Period:
RED (2-1) – Campbell (1) (assisted by Tarnow) (11:57)
3rd Period:
RED (3-1) – Tarnow (1) (assisted by Lucas) (3:45)
RED (4-1) – Manny (1) (EN) (assisted by Kate Hall) (12:31)
GAME NOTES: AI art really has a long way to go. Anyways, the highly anticipated debut of the MilkMob delivered the wild screaming for goals and milk that we expected. But red was more than happy to play spoiler and scored the last three goals of the game to take a 4-1 decision that was way tighter than it sounds. None of this deterred white from screaming for milk before, during and after the game. If Tarnow washes up in the East River with a carton of milk taped to his chest this week, I’ll have a pretty good idea of who the culprit was.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Lucas (1G, 1A)
2nd – Tarnow (1G, 2A)
1st – Sonj (W, 1 GA)
Red Sabbath vs The Sharks
Overtime:
SHA (1-0) – Kev (1) (unassisted) (2:54)
GAME NOTES: This game looked like it might go on forever without a goal scored as both goalies were in the zone for this one. A red defensive breakdown and a subsequent Tarnow OT penalty that probably saved a goal led to a Sharks PP which they took advantage of. Red almost killed it off but in the end Kev buried a blast from the point to send the Sharks home with a season opening victory.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Kev (GWG)
2nd – Sonj (1 GA)
1st – Max (W, SO)
The MilkMob vs Tropic Thunder
1st Period:
TROP (1-0) – Hicks (1) (assisted by Kyle Wynn) (10:25)
MILK (1-1) – Jordan (1) (unassisted) (11:02)
2nd Period:
MILK (2-1) – KG (1) (PP) (assisted by The Milkman) (1:03)
MILK (3-1) – Yehuda Silverman (1) (assisted by Dana) (13:45)
3rd Period:
MILK (4-1) – The Milkman (2) (assisted by Yehuda Silverman) (10:55)
GAME NOTES: Oddsmakers felt MilkMob would fare better in game one or two but there was a lot of last second line movement towards white as sharp bettors put their money on dairy futures and were handsomely rewarded. Hicks told me before the game that his teams were something like 0-6 in their previous six season openers. I have to fact check this but they definitely didn’t have the vigor and high calcium content of the MilkMob and despite what seemed like 30 shot attempts in the 3rd period alone, the blocked shot situation on white was insane. Fusco, the original Milkman, put the game away with a late goal to seal the first win in MilkMob history. Bettors and hockey fans across the midwest rejoiced and I think Meehan’s buying a cowbell or something.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Yehuda Silverman (1G, 1A)
2nd – APK (W, 1 GA)
1st – The Milkman (1G, 1A)
MelRose Home vs The Sharks
3rd Period:
SHA (1-0) – Kev (2) (assisted by Jack) (3:45)
MRH (1-1) – Sanchick (1) (assisted by James Dziwura) (12:31)
Overtime:
MRH (2-1) – James Dziwura (1) (assisted by Danilo) (1:40)
GAME NOTES: The Sharks were comfortably favored in this one but the absences of Neil, Oskar and a few other key players were too much to overcome. Yellow was playing without Wes but a herculean effort by Zisser took them to OT where James’ sick individual effort netted them the OT winner. 2-1 Melrose in DRo’s highly emotional (for everyone except Mel) return to the franchise.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Kev (1G)
2nd – Zisser (W, 1 GA)
1st – James Dziwura (GWG, A)
The Grassholes vs Merry Pranksters
1st Period:
GRH (1-0) – Mo (1) (assisted by Alex Horton) (0:13)
PRK (1-1) – Ben Wald (1) (assisted by Adam Satok) (7:32)
2nd Period:
GRH (2-1) – Andrew (1) (PP) (assisted by Jo) (13:32)
3rd Period:
GRH (3-1) – Andrew (2) (unassisted) (0:43)
GRH (4-1) – Mike Stern (1) (assisted by Ryann) (13:32)
GAME NOTES: This was predicted to be a super close matchup and in fact felt much tighter than the final score might indicate. But Andrew continued his winning ways with two late goals and Stern added one late for a 4-1 win in the first game since pink’s rebrand to green.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Corey (W, 1 GA)
2nd – Mo (1G)
1st – Andrew (2G)
Merry Pranksters vs MelRose Home
1st Period:
PRK (1-0) – Maddy (1) (assisted by Ari Fuchs) (4:23)
PRK (2-0) – Yehuda (1) (assisted by Ashkon) (9:12)
2nd Period:
MRH (1-2) – James Dziwura (2) (unassisted) (1:42)
PRK (3-1) – Sam Gelman (1) (assisted by Ariel) (6:44)
3rd Period:
PRK (4-1) – Ariel (1) (assisted by Adam Satok) (0:40)
PRK (5-1) – Sam Gelman (2) (assisted by KG) (2:02)
MRH (2-5) – Mike Sanchick (2) (assisted by Adam Herman) (13:45)
GAME NOTES: The Pranksters came into this one with a bit of anger after losing 4-1 to green and were in the driver’s seat throughout. James and Sanchick put up goals for yellow (get used to hearing that all season) but Gelman, Ariel, Satok, Fuchs, Maddy and co were just too much hippie to handle. A 5-2 win for a very balanced and very solid Pranksters team.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Ariel (1G)
2nd – Yehuda (1G)
1st – Sam Gelman (2G)
Melrose Home vs Red Sabbath
1st Period:
MRH (1-0) – Mike Sanchick (3) (assisted by DRo) (4:01)
2nd Period:
MRH (2-0) – Danilo (1) (assisted by DRo) (1:42)
3rd Period:
RED (1-2) – Nate (1) (assisted by Campbell) (0:40)
RED (2-2) – Paul Chester (1) (assisted by Manny) (2:02)
Overtime:
MRH (3-2) – Mike Sanchick (4) (assisted by Adam Herman) (1:08)
GAME NOTES: Through two games yellow is a surprising 2-1 and if I was making a pie chart of responsible parties, the vast majority of the pie would be Sanchick and Zisser with a slice of pie for James as well and then I’m throwing away the rest of the pie. Just kidding (kind of) as there were some solid performances up and down the lineup from yellow but Sanchick and Zisser really drove this one despite a red onslaught throughout much of the 2nd half of the game. 3-2 Melrose.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Danilo (1G)
2nd – DRo (2A)
1st – Mike Sanchick (2G)
The Grassholes vs Red Sabbath
1st Period:
GRH (1-0) – Emma (1) (unassisted) (6:33)
GRH (2-0) – Ryann (1) (assisted by Rockoff) (9:18)
2nd Period:
RED (1-2) – Manny (2) (unassisted) (12:32)
GAME NOTES: Green has a mismash of subs, most of them random Sky Fighters people, but in the end it didn’t matter as they scored two early, played suffocating defense throughout and just barely held on for a skin-of-your-teeth 2-1 win….for some reason the camera didn’t catch sound for this one so no clip, although Ryann’s effort on her game winner where she lifted a sick, spun around and buried it deserves a 2nd look. Maybe in the 2025 hype video (or her personal highlight reel).
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Manny (1G)
2nd – Jacob Geskin (W, 1 GA)
1st – Ryann (GWG)
My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Melrose Home
1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Minsky (1) (assisted by Jake Chaplin) (0:51)
CUP (2-0) – Chris Fullam (1) (assisted by Ken) (2:12)
2nd Period:
CUP (3-0) – Jake Chaplin (1) (assisted by James LaPorte) (7:29)
MRH (1-3) – Mel (1) (unassisted) (11:42)
CUP (4-1) – Minsky (2) (unassisted) (13:12)
3rd Period:
CUP (5-1) – Chris Fullam (2) (assisted by Ken) (1:58)
CUP (6-1) – Jake Chaplin (2) (assisted by James LaPorte) (2:41)
MRH (2-6) – Russo (1) (assisted by Julie) (8:16)
MRH (3-6) – Mike Sanchick (5) (assisted by Mel) (8:59)
CUP (7-3) – Minsky (3) (assisted by Jake Chaplin) (11:12)
GAME NOTES: Like I said before the game – I had no idea who was in the lineup for either team but the fact that Jenn was willing to take a doubleheader on this night even while she herself was out of town signaled to me that this would be an impressive black lineup. And it was. Cup Size came out shooting from the bra like the fembots in Austin Powers and for the first few minutes I thought this was going to end up being a 10-1 slaughter. Yellow righted the ship but it wasn’t quite enough to come all the way back. 7-3 black in a highly impressive debut.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Chris Fullam (2G)
2nd – Minsky (3G)
1st – Jake Chaplin (2G, 2A)
Merry Pranksters vs The Grassholes
1st Period:
GRH (1-0) – Jake Friedman (1) (assisted by Mo) (1:53)
PRK (1-1) – Sam Gelman (3) (assisted by Satok) (5:31)
2nd Period:
GRH (2-1) – Sean Mullane (1) (unassisted) (9:12)
PRK (2-2) – Yehuda (2) (unassisted) (11:00)
GRH (3-2) – Andrew (3) (unassisted) (12:00)
3rd Period:
GRH (4-2) – Andrew (4) (assisted by Shawn Mullane) (6:52)
PRK (3-4) – Satok (1) (unassisted) (11:04)
GAME NOTES: These two teams met in week one and the game was far closer than the score would indicate. This one was just as close as the score indicates as there were multiple lead changes but like on Tuesday, Andrew put green ahead and then they went into lockdown mode, just barely hanging on for a 4-3 win that moves them to 3-0 and legit dark horse contender status. Somewhere out in Jersey Probert is shedding a tear, and not just because he’s bored in the suburbs.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Satok (1G, 1A)
2nd – Sean Mullane (1G, 1A)
1st – Andrew (2G)
My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Merry Pranksters
1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – James LaPorte (1) (assisted by Minsky) (5:57)
2nd Period:
PRK (1-1) – Sam Gelman (4) (unassisted) (4:00)
PRK (2-1) – Sam Gelman (5) (assisted by Ari Fuchs) (10:12)
CUP (2-2) – Ken (1) (unassisted) (13:59)
3rd Period:
CUP (3-2) – Jake Chaplin (3) (assisted by Minsky) (1:05)
CUP (4-2) – Sean Kittridge (1) (EN) (assisted by Minsky) (12:19)
CUP (5-2) – Minsky (4) (assisted by Sean Kittridge) (13:55)
GAME NOTES: Going to repeat the gambling advice I gave earlier – sometimes you don’t even need to look at the rosters or the head-to-head or the matchups, you just bet with the line. You see a fishy line, you take the books side. You see late line movement, you tail. And if you see a D5 game where one captain badly wants it rescheduled and the other is willing to play a double even while said captain is out of town, you absolutely hammer the captain out of town side. This was easy money for anyone who took it as Cup Size used a late 2nd period buzzer beater by Ken to spur a three goal 3rd period that gave them a 5-2 win and a 2-0 record on the season. While this was happening Jenn was having sex in London Ontario. Truly a banner night for the franchise.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Sean Kittridge (1G, 1A)
2nd – Sam Gelman (2G)
1st – Minsky (1G, 3A)
