District Five Championship
Untitled Sex Team (+220)
On Tuesdays We Wear Pink (+270)
Shooting Blancs (+325)
Bada Bing (+325)
Jewish Golden Calfs (+325)
Big Deke Energy (+420)
96th Street Bastards (+575)
Red Eyes Peas (+575)
Merry Pranksters (+750)
District Five Championship
Blue, Pink, Purple or White (-300)
Field (+200)
District Five Championship
Black, Red, Yellow or Tie Dye (+260)
Field (-420)
COMMENTS: Opinions are all over the map for the Fall, as you’ll see when the power rankings are published (aggregated opinions from multiple rankers vs just my own predictions). In my opinion, with full rosters showing up blue and pink should cruise to quality seeding while red and tie dye look like they could be in for long seasons.
RIDZIK COMMENTS: Looking at these rosters, I’m unsure what Frey was thinking other than “how can I rig this draft yet again in my favor”. Through his deep throught process building another semifinal loser, he somehow has The Book of D5 giving +575 to red. No matter what, Nate and Tarnow know how to build a roster and they know how to play a 200 foot game (idk the size of this rink, sue me). DanDuel has red as a top 4 team, pure value play there, hedge on the finals game if you need to or are too scared to run with red all the way.
Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
Jewish Golden Calfs (-145)
Big Deke Energy (EVEN)
Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
Bada Bing (-120)
Shooting Blancs (-120)
COMMENTS: The faceoff between Jahk’s two teams or, as some might call it, the Jahk-off. The first player to ever receive special permission to be rostered by two teams in a single season, it remains to be seen how long before he makes me regret that decision. No, he is not allowed to bet on this line.
RIDZIK COMMENTS: This might be the most complete team Simon has drafted in the last 4 seasons. Well rounded and has scoring which happened to be hit or miss in the past. As much as I trust Ziss to yet again be in the Vezina race, idk if the back end of purple will be able to help him out enough to get the shutouts necessary to keep purple above white in the standings. Purple scoring runs through Jack and Annie alone, unless Hines pulls an Ovi which is entirely possible. Gimme Blancs over Purple in the regular season standings. Playoff Zisser though is a different story, more on that potentially later.
District Five Championship
Team With Jahk On It (+210)
Team Without Jahk On It (-310)
EDITOR’S NOTE: Adding this line last minute due to all the talk about purple v white.
District Five Scoring Title*
Feder or Hicks (+125)
Anyone Whose First Name Starts With J (+150)
Field (+185)
RIDZIK COMMENTS: D5 scoring title is always a shit show but with the performances we saw from teams last year, there’s no way that you can’t ignore a nearly 2-1 line on the field. You’re basically getting Gelman, Magosian, OR Satok (not even and, google logic tables and some slight conditional probability you pigeons). Solid unit play on this, dessert sprinkle on Gelman, Magosian, and Satok each solo lines if Frey offers.
Editor’s Note: In addition to a tenuous grasp on double negatives, I’m not sure Ridzik knows that Magosin’s first name Joe actually starts with J. Then again, if you tail D5’s multiple time Worst Degen Gambling award winner, you’ve probably got your own issues to deal with.
District Five Ladies’ Scoring Title
Tash, Cara or Cherie (-110)
Annie, Brita or Maddie (-105)
Field (+600)
RIDZIK COMMENTS: As much as I love Annie’s tenacity and ability to spur up a spontaneous ladies night as well as Brita’s straight grit which puts many top line “scorers” to shame in this league, you can’t not pass on Tash, Cara (and again) OR(!!) Cherie at almost even money. Does Frey even wanna build his book? Tash makes D5 look like she’s playing in the Cheese Toast League (ECHL for you who are a tad slow) and I’ve had to ask if anybody’s seen my jock after giving up hat tricks to Cara in back to back games. Not to mention, Cherie might be the most complete defensive player in the entirety of D5 (if that ruffles your feathers, look in a mirror) with a shot scoring knack I could only dream of having a sliver of. Sorry Jenn in advance, but this is free money if I’ve ever seen it.
Lower GAA (Regular Season Only; Must Start At Least Five Games)
Zisser (-120)
Jeff Green (-120)
RIDZIK COMMENTS: I don’t wanna touch goalies too much, and we know I would be arguably a top 14 goalie in D5 this year if I wasn’t traveling 25/8, but sprinkling Ziss to not only beat out Jeff, but also take home the Vezina, is a value play.
Lower GAA (Regular Season Only)
Max (-120)
The Jackuum (-120)
Lower GAA (Regular Season Only)
Chris B (EVEN)
Dave GDR (-145)
Grand Salami (Total Goals For The Season; Regular Season Only)
Over 299.5 (-120)
Under 299.5 (-120)
COMMENTS: The standard over/under for a D5 game was 5.5 goals with 13 minute periods and jumped to 6.6 with 14 minute periods. Doesn’t make sense but whatever. 6.6 this season would be 297 so this is that with a slight over juice to account that there is a lower limit for goals in a game (1) but technically no upper limit (the record is 17).
How Many Games Will Go To OT? (Regular Season Only)
Over 7.5 (-120)
Under 7.5 (-120)
COMMENTS: Historically 15-20% of games go to OT. Fall 2022, for some reason, we saw an extreme statistical outlier as it was only 3 games out of 45, an insanely low 6.67% rate. Then, somehow, Spring 2023 season saw an incredible 35.6% of games hit OT, partially a result of record parity, partially a result of terrible luck for me as a commissioner with some sort of vested interest in on-time games. Summer was normal again with a 13.3% clip. With a few scheduled 10:05 games this season, who knows what fresh hell this fall will bring.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Jack (-155)
Annie (+105)
COMMENTS: Last season she outscored him 17-5. PPG wise it was closer but she still had the edge. With both parties being huge fans of business, this was one of the toughest lines to handicap.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Jason Campbell (+180)
Hicks (-240)
COMMENTS: Jason almost won the scoring title last season but Hicks almost never misses games. They’ll likely play together on a line that will give fans of backchecking nightmares for years to come.
RIDZIK COMMENTS: So I lied to everyone, I’m not actually hurt, I’m actually terrified of the Campbell-Hicks combo and don’t wanna be peppered by (specifically Campbell’s) high heaters. This has potential to be incredible, but if you’re gonna give me plus money on Campbell, you again can’t not play it. Gimme a unit on Campbell.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Brita (-145)
Cherie (EVEN)
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Corey (-110)
Chad (-130)
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Russo (-170)
Scott Metz (+125)
COMMENTS: I am contractually obligated to post the line every season along with this photo of the two villains in 101 Dalmations.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Tash (-120)
Cara (-120)
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Adam Herman (-120)
Yehuda (-120)
RIDZIK COMMENTS: We went from Kobe-Shaq in Campbell-Hicks to Helen Keller vs a Karaoke Machine with Yehuda and Herman. I feel morally obligated to bet on this mostly because I’m a degenerate, but also mostly because I’m a diamond platinum member of the book much like one of these two muppets featured on this line. I wanna see where the money goes first, but irregardless, 5 is the number of grace in scripture. I’m unsure if these guys will grace us with 5 points combined. If I outscore them playing forward, I motion for Yehuda to be a full time goalie in the Spring. Gimme Yehuda to outdueL Herman just so I can light a fire under Herman’s ass. Prove me wrong Herman, I look forward to it.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Rich (+240)
Ellie (-400)
COMMENTS: Rich specifically requested a points line for himself even though he’s technically not a full-time player. In a wrestling match or a trivia contest about what the Reagan era was like, he would be heavily favored. For points, he is a decided underdog to a player who had multiple seasons with 0 goals.
Which Number Will Be Larger? (Regular Season Only)
Blue Team Standings Points (+130)
Corey + Brita Points (-175)
Which Number Will Be Larger? (Regular Season Only)
Black Team Standings Points (+140)
Hicks + Jason Campbell Season Goals (-180)
Which Number Will Be Larger? (Regular Season Only)
Cara + Cherie Season Points (-120)
Ryan + Dom Season Points (-120)
Will Anyone Be Suspended For At Least One Game This Season?
Yes (-450)
No (+260)
COMMENTS: As in past seasons, wagers will not be honored if it is suspected someone intentionally got suspended for the purposes of winning this prop bet. This is probably the only hockey league in the world that requires this disclaimer.
How Many Regular Season Games Will Not Be Completed On Schedule?Over 14.5 (-350)
Under 14.5 (+260)
COMMENTS: Not offering this line for the first time ever due to the insanely uncertain schedule. Please continue praying for no rain, quick construction, and may god have mercy on all of our souls.
