Category: Uncategorized

Spring 2025 was a banner season for D5, the largest spring season we’ve ever had and quite honestly one of the most fun, but there

Beatin’ Meat Crankin’ Hog (-1.5 Goals) (-165)The MilkMob (+1.5 Goals) (+120)Over 7.5 Goals (-120)Under 7.5 Goals (-120) Notes: The battle between the two teams who

The MilkMob vs Silver Stallions 1st Period:MILK (1-0) – The Milkman (1) (assisted by Seb) (1:44)STA (1-1) – Dave Abada (1) (assisted by James Pereir)

The MilkMob (+150)Silver Stallions (-225)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Notes: Both teams are slightly short for this one with the Stallions rocking 9 players and

Melrose Home (-120)Tropic Thunder (-120)Over 6.5 (-105)Under 6.5 (-135) Notes: The Fall 2024 playoffs kick off with a rematch of the league’s first ever Sunday

The MilkMob (+140)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-200)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: I’m not sure totally sure what to call this matchup between Team

Tropic Thunder (-110)The Sharks (-130)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120)Notes: A matchup for the ages, Hicks and Jack used to routinely request three game series between

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-175)The Seahorses (+130)Over 6.5 (-135)Under 6.5 (-105) Notes: This league truly has it all. We already have Commissioner Bowl, the

Mojo Jojo (+2.0 Goals) (+140)Merry Pranksters (-2.0 Goals) (-200)Over 6.5 (-110)Under 6.5 (-130) Notes: This has been an absolutely insane day and not just because the Rangers broke

Playoff ScenariosThe D5 stats department has attempted to calculate the odds of each possible playoff permutation for the season for your viewing/gambling enjoyment.  The methodology

Previous Entries: Part I, Part II After sifting through more D5 videos than I care to recount, we’ve finally made it to the end of

Big Deke Energy vs Red Eyed Peas 2nd Period:RED (1-0) – Matt Lewis (1) (assisted by Cole) (1:42)RED (2-0) – Campbell (1) (assisted by Tarnow)

Merry Pranksters (+120)Bada Bing (-165)Over 7.0 (-120)Under 7.0 (-120) Notes: The purple team becomes the final team to open their Fall campaign as they raise the banner, welcome

District Five ChampionshipUntitled Sex Team (+220)On Tuesdays We Wear Pink (+270)Shooting Blancs (+325)Bada Bing (+325)Jewish Golden Calfs (+325)Big Deke Energy (+420)96th Street Bastards (+575)Red Eyes

Blueberry Bulldogs (-120)MelRose Place (-120)Over 6.0 (-120)Under 6.0 (-120) Notes: MelRose will have mens ball hockey and mens weed smoking legend Matt McCracken subbing along

The Muskies (-120)EJ Entertainment (-120)Over 5.0 (-130)Under 5.0 (-110) Notes: It was the matchup that was destined to happen pretty much from the moment that

Pinky Swear $#*! (EVEN)EJ Entertainment (-140)Over 5.5 (-110)Under 5.5 (-130) Notes: The Friday night shitshow rolls on as we have a bunch of matchups with uncertain rosters and

Pink Lemonade vs MelRose Place1st Period:MRP (1-0) – ChooChoo (2) (unassisted) (10:03)3rd Period:LEM (1-1) – Matt Stabel (3) (assisted by Avery) (10:12)Overtime: LEM (2-1) –

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-140)Green Street Hooligans (EVEN)Over 6.0 (-110)Under 6.0 (-130) Notes: This legit feels like Groundhog Day, less in the sense of a beautiful existential

Another classic photo from the archives, taken in July 2019 upon arriving to the rink and seeing it in even shittier condition than usual. Considering

My Cup Size Is Stanley (+220)The Grapes (-350)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+1.5 Goals) (+125)The Grapes (-1.5 Goals) (-170)Over 9.5 (-110)Under 9.5 (-130) Notes: This game has been in the

Our millennial-in-chief Jess has provided some memes for your viewing pleasure because she was apparently bored as sin at work. Captions are hers, snarky editor’s

The purple franchise has had quite a run through the years with the most captains of any team; first LJ, then Campbell, then Julie and

The orange franchise is perhaps the most enigmatic in the league, with only five seasons under their belt as they weren’t around for the inaugural

The black franchise is one of the original six and the only one to never change its name. Unless something insane happens like Jenn losing

Green Street Hooligans (-105)The Sexy Ducks (-135)Over 7.5 (-135)Under 7.5 (-105) Notes: A grudge match of two teams that made a massive pre-draft deal opens

The Sexy Ducks (-110)Orange Royals (-130)Over 6.5 (-120)Under 6.5 (-120) Omar Little Quote That Somehow Relates To This Game:“Come at the king, you best not miss.” The

Playoff ScenariosThe D5 stats department has attempted to calculate the odds of each possible playoff permutation for the season (thank you to Captain Meatbox for

Stud Puffins vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:PUF (1-0) – Ramy (2) (assisted by Shoni) (10:30)2nd Period:RON (2-0) – Ramy (3) (assisted by Sweet

The Bayside Tigers (-110)Stud Puffins (-130)Over 5.5 (-105)Under 5.5 (-135) Notes: The Puffins will be without the services of Scott, Justin, Rachel and Captain Lee

District Five Championship (PRESEASON LINE)Cleveland Monsters (+200)Green Street Hooligans (+220)The Bayside Tigers (+220)The Slashing Pumpkins (+240)Goonies (+260)The Charging Cheetahs (+260)RONKONKOMA CONDO’S (+280) My Cup Size Is Stanley (+280) Comments: Parts of this line are

The Charging Cheetahs (-110)Green Street Hooligans (-130)Over 5.5 (-120)Under 5.5 (-120) The Pick: The Cheetahs will be icing a mostly full roster minus Jo who was supposedly injured

My Cup Size Is Stanley (+110)RONKONKOMA CONDO’S (-150)Over 5.5 (-130)Under 5.5 (-110) The Pick: The CONDO’S will be without the services of Creed and the Trembles. In their

Green Street Hooligans vs My Cup Size Is Stanley1st Period:CUP (1-0) – Meg (2) (assisted by Tarnow) (9:40)2nd Period:CUP (2-0) – Ariel (1) (assisted by

Goonies (-140)Cleveland Monsters (EVEN)Over 5.5 (-125)Under 5.5 (-115) Notes: Hogg and Julie are out for the Monsters. Mike T will be subbing for Hogg if this game is

Stud Puffins (-120)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)Over 5.5 (-110)Under 5.5 (-130) Notes: The Puffins will be without the services of Scott, Dan, Lee, and

The Charging Cheetahs vs Cleveland Monsters1st Period:CLE (1-0) – Tadpole Jack (3) (assisted by Mike Warren)CLE (2-0) – Zac Hogg (2) (SH) (assisted by Tadpole

Green Street Hooligans (-120)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)Over 5.5 (-110)Under 5.5 (-130) Notes: Jenn will be without the services of JRo and Justin while Probie will be

The Charging Cheetahs (-110)Cleveland Monsters (-130)Over 6.0 (-120)Under 6.0 (-120) Notes: No major injuries to report so this is a pretty straightforward matchup between two teams who have

The Bayside Tigers vs Stud Puffins1st Period:PUF (1-0) – Sean Fleming (1) (unassisted) (4:23)PUF (2-0) – Zach Fein (2) (unassisted) (5:27)PUF (2-0) – Sean Fleming

District Five ChampionshipGreen Street Hooligans (+185)RONKONKOMA CONDO’S (+220) My Cup Size Is Stanley (+240)Cleveland Monsters (+250)Stud Puffins (+250)The Charging Cheetahs (+260)Goonies (+260)The Bayside Tigers (+280) District Five Scoring TitleProbie (+120)Hicks (+180)Mike Tarnow (+180)Tadpole Jack

The Bayside Tigers (-135)Stud Puffins (-105)Over 5.5 (-110)Under 5.5 (-130) Notes: Each team has just one of their regular ladies (Kelsey and Michelle) available on this holiday week,

The Charging Cheetahs vs Goonies1st Period:GOO (1-0) – Matt K (1) (assisted by Caitlin Buckley) (2:14)CHA (1-1) – Riegler (1) (assisted by Sully) (12:49)2nd Period:CHA

The Charging Cheetahs (-130)Goonies (-110)Over 5.5 (-130)Under 5.5 (-110) Notes: #1 defensewoman Carlin and goaltender Dave GDR are out for the Cheetahs; in their place

The Bayside Tigers vs The Charging Cheetahs2nd Period:CHA (1-0) – Austin (1) (assisted by Sully) (11:54)3rd Period:BAY (1-1) – Joel (1) (assisted by AFrey) (1:53)CHA

District Five ChampionshipCleveland Monsters (+180)Green Street Hooligans (+205)The Charging Cheetahs (+240)RONKONKOMA CONDO’S (+240) The Bayside Tigers (+240)Stud Puffins (+255)Goonies (+275)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+285) District Five Scoring TitleProbie (+115)Derek (+150)Hicks (+175)Jack McGinty (+220)Yetter

My Cup Size Is Stanley (5) vs Goonies (1)1st Period:GOO (1-0) – Zach Fein (1) (assisted by Brett) (11:00)2nd Period:GOO (2-0) – Derek (1) (unassisted)

District Five ChampionshipCleveland Monsters (+200)Green Street Hooligans (+220)The Bayside Tigers (+220)The Slashing Pumpkins (+240)Goonies (+260)The Charging Cheetahs (+260)RONKONKOMA CONDO’S (+280) My Cup Size Is Stanley

The Charging Cheetahs (-115)The Bayside Tigers (-125)Over 6.0 (-110)Under 6.0 (-130) The Pick: The summer season kicks off with a matchup between the blue and red but more

Tonight kicks off the fourth overall season of D5 hockey and will mark our one year anniversary of great goals, amazing saves, insane amounts of

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)Goonies (-120)Over 5.5 (-130)Under 5.5 (-110)The Pick: These teams first met on April 23, when they played out the first

Winter Is Coming vs Purple Parrots1st Period:WIN (1-0) – Luke (6) (unassisted) (9:31)2nd Period:WIN (2-0) – AFrey (5) (unassisted) (5:23)3rd Period:PAR (1-2) – David Holland

Chosen 1s (+130)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-170)Over 5.5 (-115)Under 5.5 (-125) The Pick: Cup Size was the preseason favorite but struggled a bit this

Chosen 1s vs Rainy Day Kids Club 1st Period:KID (1-0) – Matt Russo (2) (assisted by Probie) (7:10)2nd Period:KID (2-0) – Probie (5) (PP) (assisted

District Five ChampionshipGoonies (+130)Winter Is Coming (+190)Purple Parrots (+220)My Cup Size Is Stanley (+220)The Charging Cheetahs (+270)Hungry Hippos (+270)Rainy Day Kids Club (+400)Chosen 1s (+450) Comments: Heading into the home stretch, the Goonies

Chosen 1s (-110)Rainy Day Kids Club (-130)Over 5.5 (-120)Under 5.5 (-120) The Pick: In what looks to be our second to last week of action

Rainy Day Kids Club (+120)My Cup Size Is Stanley (-160)Over 6.0 (-130)Under 6.0 (-110) The Pick: In the first game of week 8 (but really

Purple Parrots (-130)Chosen 1s (-110)Over 5.5 (-105)Under 5.5 (-135) The Pick: On a week where it seems like half the league needs subs (but nothing

Chosen 1s (-140)The Charging Cheetahs (EVEN)Over 6 (-120)Under 6 (-120) The Pick: After what feels like a month off from hockey because it seems to