Week 1 Box Scores (Summer 2019)

The Bayside Tigers vs The Charging Cheetahs

2nd Period:
CHA (1-0) – Austin (1) (assisted by Sully) (11:54)
3rd Period:
BAY (1-1) – Joel (1) (assisted by AFrey) (1:53)
CHA (2-1) – Jake Braun (1) (assisted by Sully) (11:36)
CHA (3-1) – Jake Braun (2) (EN) (assisted by Austin) (12:34)

GAME NOTES: The opening game of the spring season featured the last two animal named teams in the league, with the Hippos on hiatus in favor of the CONDO’S and the Parrots shut down with Campbell living his best life in Boston…the first period featured several great chances for the Tigers, including partial breakaways for Matt and Alex. Dave stood firm and the Cheetahs defense cleared away most of the rebounds to keep the score tied at 0 at the intermission…in the 2nd, the Cheetahs picked up a late powerplay, which this season goes a full two minutes (no running clock). The Tigers were able to kill it off but shortly after the penalty expired, Austin picked up his first career goal off a feed from Sully to put red ahead by 1 with a little over a minute left in the 2nd…blue came out firing in the 3rd and was able to tie it just 1:53 in when Joel buried a rebound for his first D5 goal…the teams traded chances for the rest of the game but the goalies stood firm. With 1:24 left Jake Braun buried his first on a nifty move from the left side. Jack could be heard screaming from the stands “JUST GIVE HIM THE TROPHY ALREADY,” a reference to Jake’s burgeoning rookie of the year campaign and a show of support from last season’s tadpole of the year…the Brauny man would add a late empty netter to ice the victory for red…the Cheetahs start the season 1-0 despite not having their top two draft picks, Derek and Neil, and will host Cup Size next week. The Tigers will look to notch their first victory of the season against the defending champion Goonies.

3rd – Sully (2A)
2nd – Austin King (1G, 1A)
1st – Jake Braun (2G)

Cleveland Monsters vs Stud Puffins

1st Period:
CLE (1-0) – Rob Blandi (1) (assisted by Michael Warren) (4:00)
2nd Period:
CLE (2-0) – Matt Russo (1) (assisted by Tadpole Jack) (12:30)

GAME NOTES: The first of a home-and-home between two new franchises saw a tight checking, defensive struggle and another mythical SBJ/Tadpole faceoff…four minutes into the first, Rob scored the Monsters’ first goal of the season when he backhanded a loose ball in front…in the 2nd the orange team had a ton of chances, many of them by SBJ. Several of the shots went wide while a few others were robbed by Eitan, subbing in place of Zisser…with less than a minute left in the 2nd frame Jack and Russo combined for a highlight reel goal. Jack received a boards pass from Julie and one-time no-looked it between his legs while jumping (probably did drugs before the game) to Russo, who almost fucked it up but was able to deftly pass it back to Jack. After Tim K stopped the initial shot, Jack slipped it back into the middle where Russo buried it into the yawning cage for a 2-0 lead…the third period saw tons of chances both ways but nothing in the way of goals. The two best chances came from a McQuade goal that was correctly waved off for a pretty egregious high stick and an empty net attempt that ended with Michelle Ulmann sacrificing her body to the hockey gods to keep the game within two…the preseason favorite Cleveland Monsters start the season off with a victory and will look to make it two when they face the same Stud Puffins squad next week.

Yea…just a tad bit high.
No he’s not just happy to see you…that really is a hockey stick between his legs…

3rd – Rob Blandi (GWG)
2nd – Tadpole Jack (1A)
1st – Eitan The Goalie (SO)

Green Street Hooligans vs My Cup Size Is Stanley

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Probie (1) (assisted by Jake Reznick) (3:59)
3rd Period:
GSH (2-0) – Andy (1) (unassisted) (9:15)
CUP (1-2) – JRo (1) (assisted by Tarnow) (9:51)
GSH (3-1) – Andy (2) (assisted by Probie) (10:19)
CUP (2-3) – Megan (1) (assisted by Scott Metz) (10:50)
GSH (4-2) – Probie (2) (PP) (EN) (unassisted) (12:51)

GAME NOTES: A primetime matchup between one of the top scorers in the league and the reigning Brian Leetch Offensive Defenseman Award winner brought the fireworks with a wild third period that featured five goals…Probie got the scoring started early in the 1st period on a top-shelf snipe from in-close…the 2nd period featured no goals and a ton of saves on both sides. Rookie goaltender Jeff “Wild Card” Green was stellar for the Hooligans while Andrea and Hildawg were stout on defense…for 35 minutes Probie’s goal stood out as the sole marker. All hell broke loose with about four minutes left as Andy extended the Hooligans’ lead to 2-0. Right after the following faceoff Josh Rosen cut the lead in half. Just 28 seconds after that, Andy picked up his 2nd of the game off a feed for Probie to extend the lead to 3-1. Cup Size challenged the play for goaltender interference (probably because they were going to call a timeout anyways) but the call on the ice was confirmed by video review…Megan notched her first D5 goal when she took the rebound of a shot by Scott Metz off the boards and slipped it by Jeff short-side…Cup Size had some pressure in the final minutes but just couldn’t notch the tying marker. Probie iced the game with nine seconds left to give his team their first opening night win since their summer 2018 championship season…Cup Size will look to get on the board with a victory next week against the 1-0 Cheetahs. The Hooligans will look to continue rolling as they head to Long Island to face the first place RONKONKOMA CONDO’S.

With four players in the offensive zone and this shit going on in front of the bench, this was one of the worst line changes since the Tortorella-era Rangers.

3rd – Megan (1G)
2nd – Andy (2G)
1st – Probie (2G, 1A)


1st Period:
GOO (1-0) – Mia (1) (assisted by Yetter) (3:45)
RON (1-1) – Hicks (1) (unassisted) (6:24)
RON (2-1) – Mikey (1) (assisted by Cheeky) (11:48)
2nd Period:
RON (3-1) – Eli (1) (assisted by Mikey) (4:50)
RON (4-1) – Mikey (2) (assisted by Cheeky) (8:15)
GOO (2-4) – Cherie (1) (assisted by Matt K) (11:28)
3rd Period:
RON (5-2) – Cheeky (1) (assisted by Hicks) (8:15)
RON (6-2) – Denis (1) (assisted by Sarah) (8:15)
RON (7-2) – Hicks (2) (assisted by Mikey) (8:15)

GAME NOTES: The final game of the evening saw a championship rematch of sorts as the rebranded Hippos (now named after Long Island real estate for some reason) took on the new-look Goonies…early on the game was fairly even, with Mia getting the Goonies on the board early off a feed from Yetter. The game quickly deteriorated for white, however, as Hicks, Cheeky, Mikey “The Punisher” Marron and the rest of the CONDO’S poured on goal after goal. The chants from the bench were especially imaginative, touching on such important hockey topics as HOA fees and rent control…Mikey finished with two goals and two assists to put him at #1 in the scoring race right now (it should be noted, however, that he played two games this week). Hicks is tied for 2nd with Probie while Cheeky is 4th…the CONDO’S tied a D5 record with 7 goals in their opening game, matching marks set by the Warriors in Summer ’18 and Team Sexy in the Fall ’18 season…the CONDO’S are now in 1st place in the league by virtue of their +5 goal differential and will face a stiff test next week against the Hooligans who were rated as one of the best teams in the league post-draft and did nothing to dispel that notion in week 1. The Goonies will look to rebound in week 2 sans Cherie (currently starring on the NHL Network) against the 0-1 Bayside Tigers who will be without Gabe for the 2nd consecutive week.

3rd – Cheeky (1G, 2A)
2nd – Hicks (2G, 1A)
1st – Mikey (2G, 2A)

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