Week 6 Betting Lines (Fall 2022)

Pinky Swear $#*! (EVEN)
EJ Entertainment (-140)
Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)

Notes: The Friday night shitshow rolls on as we have a bunch of matchups with uncertain rosters and I have zero clue what is going to happen except that we will presumably play some hockey games and rip some tequila shots at Dorrian’s. Anything else that happens, sexual or otherwise, is totally up in the air. For this game pink is missing Wes and Sean but otherwise ices a mostly full lineup with Julie subbing in as their 2nd lady. Blue, meanwhile, currently has six players in and hopefully I can find a sub or two so my team doesn’t hate me more than they already do for making stripper jokes basically nonstop. Classic matchup of one team with a ton of players, but missing two of their best, vs a team with a short and sexy lineup. Zisser is probably reading this thinking he’s short and sexy but he’s got nothing on EJ Entertainment, except most likely a house account. Blue to win and Phelps/Green to keep the scoring low the way their chain hangs.

EJ Entertainment (-135)
Red Rockets (-105)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: Rockets are currently at 8 players with the Q Train scheduled to make a stop midway through the game to get them up to 9. Meanwhile EJ Entertainment has the bizarre lineup mentioned above as most of the team seems to either be out of town or tied up with EJ Entertainment-related activities that do not involve hockey. Good for their sex lives, bad for their STD risk and bad for EJ’s odds tonight. Not totally sure who’s out for the Rockets but forward Corey exacerbated his injury by squatting or something ridiculous so he’s not playing although he will probably drag his ass to Dorrian’s for pirate shots and some Canadian pre-flipcup singing later. Meanwhile goalie Corey is out of action tonight and I will probably let them use Jeff Green out of the goodness of my heart and so Dorrian’s is well stocked with ample party favors for the people. No idea how to really handicap this one but in my highly biased opinion…blue to win, somehow.

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-140)
Julie’s Football Club (EVEN)
Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)

Notes: Jenn is currently at the Yankee game, likely 6-8 drinks deep and screaming something ridiculous because they are winning. This does not appeal to me as a gentleman but certainly appeals to me as a Yankee bettor. Whether it will appeal to me as a commissioner is to be seen as Jenn swears she will be functional enough to run the scoreboard but playing her actual game might be a different story altogether. Lucky for her half of orange seems to be on the IR and I am fielding near-daily apocalyptic gchats from Julie. She’ll probably have Jeff Green subbing in for Max because what other goalie is willing to play multiple games on a Friday night. Seems like Meatbox at the very least will be ready to go. Boobs to roll (not literally you weirdos).

Shooting Blancs (-110)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-130)
Over 5.5 (-125)
Under 5.5 (-115)

Notes: Simon seems to have a mostly full lineup but is playing forward in this game and is really putting his Leetch Award eligibility in jeopardy. Cup Size has pretty much everyone in and will be on the 2nd half of a back-to-back. Stats don’t fully indicate if that’s an advantage or a disadvantage; historically, there’s no meaningful difference in win percentages between teams playing their first of the night vs their second. I’m sure that won’t stop Jenn for using it as an excuse if they lose but regardless, this should be a pretty tight game against two teams who in my opinion are right at the top of the 2nd tier and jockeying for top 4 playoff positioning. Higger may be out for black and who the hell knows whether Jenn is playing or not but with McCauley out for white, I think Cup Size will have enough to pick up the W and roll into the top 3. God help us all.

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