Week 5 Betting Lines (Fall 2022)

With October being Halloween month and the writer of this piece being a big fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas despite being Jewish, plus the fact that it’s 2:30 PM and I really don’t know how much I can write about these actual games, we’ll throw in some Nightmare Before Christmas content for the fans (you, in theory) and see how many people of the 8 that read these previews have also seen that and whether that number is larger or smaller than the few who understood the Les Mis Betting Lines. Onto the horror that is Halloween town and tonight’s sub situation:

Julie’s Football Club (+150)
Pinky Swear $#*! (-230)
Julie’s Football Club (+2.0 Goals) (-120)
Pinky Swear $#*! (-2.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 5.5 (-130)
Under 5.5 (-110)

Notes: This game is a bit of a disaster, at least for orange. Pink will have Phelps subbing in for Jeff Green and likely Mel as their 2nd girl. But whereas pink will have 9 guys in for this game, orange currently only has 4 and is in dire need of some subs so their players who are actually playing don’t collapse of exhaustion mid-game. Tough situation for the pumpkin orange team. Shan is in but other subs will be last minute decisions and hopefully show up on time so Julie doesn’t get mad at me like she did when I overslept our meetup this morning. Whoops.
UPDATE: Hilary and Len will sub as well.

Nightmare Before Christmas Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: Jack’s Lament. Pretty straightforward – Jack is having an existential crisis regarding whether he can stick around as the Pumpkin King (I have no idea what the selection process was like for this position but it is apparently quite prestigious) while, from the gchats I’ve received today, Julie is certainly having a similar existential crisis regarding not having enough players to play tonight. Some might even call her The Pumpkin Queen but those people are probably real sickos.

EJ Entertainment (-180)
MelRose Place (+140)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: EJ Entertainment makes its long awaited return to hockey after playing only one game in the first four gamedays. This kicks off a somewhat insane stretch where blue will play out the remaining 9 games on their schedule in the next 3 weeks. Sam and Cutler are ready to go, as is Phelps in net, but much of the roster is in flux as EJ Entertainment is ravaged by Sukkot and Rangers home opener related absences. MelRose actually has a mostly full lineup but will receive the services of Jake Chaplin for this one while EJ will get Cherie as a sub. Tough game to call with EJ having less than 8 people at time of publication but, with most of the top picks in and one 7-0 game under their belt, it would be hard not to favor the Sex Team blue team in this one.

Nightmare Before Christmas Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: What’s This. Not due to any of the content of the actual song, but moreso because that’s what I imagine Mel says every time she checks yellow’s attendance form and sees that once again Jason Campbell has once again declared himself a game time decision.

Julie’s Football Club (+115)
Shooting Blancs (-160)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: Orange should have a couple players show up between the first game and this one but it’s still not a great situation. White has a generally better situation – I believe Jess is subbing for Simon in this one but otherwise white hasn’t asked me for any extra considerations, something Simon definitely would have done by now if his team had attendance problems. Using my Sherlock Holmes-esque powers of deduction, I must assume white is in decent shape and orange is slightly less fucked than they are for the 6:00 game, but still somewhat fucked nonetheless.

Nightmare Before Christmas Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: This Is Halloween. Opening song of the movie just like this was the opening game of the season just three weeks ago. White and orange playing each other also looks like a Halloween tapestry. And just like that game three weeks ago where Joe Biden caused Julie and I to both be heinously late, I expect white to pull this win out.

EJ Entertainment (-120)
The Muskies (-120)
Over 5.5 (-105)
Under 5.5 (-135)

Notes: This is a showdown between what I personally expect to be two of the top teams in the league. To be fair, I often feel this way about blue but purple has been up-and-down in recent seasons; that said, this was one of their best drafts ever with Jack and Miles forming a lethal 1-2 punch down the middle, the best ladies contingent in the league and a team that plays all three zones despite a total lack of backchecking outside of Miles and Annie. Blue hasn’t played much this season so it’s tough to get a full grasp on where they stand but the 7-0 opening season win was pretty sweet. Add to this that purple will be using Campbell in net in place of Zisser while blue gets Cherie in as a sub and it’s difficult to figure out which way this one will go. Under seems like a safe bet with Phelps/Campbell facing off in net but offenses are also hot so buyer beware.

Nightmare Before Christmas Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: Town Meeting Song. Jack’s doing a bit of business here in trying to explain to the town the simple charms of Christmas and why they should switch their focus over to that holiday. Meanwhile Jack did a bit of business earlier in getting me to approve Campbell in net by offering Cherie as a sacrifice. It remains to be seen which team won this negotiation but I just like imagining league members like Jack and Julie as Jack Skellington trying to spread Christmas spirit. I’ve never celebrated Christmas but it looks like a jolly good time.

Shooting Blancs (-120)
YeHooligan’s Heroes (-120)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: Yehuda’s dad is subbing in for green; that’s the story of the day although I have no idea how it really affects these lines. Yehuda said he’s had a lot of hockey experience but he’s also over 50 and one who spends more time these days studying the Talmud than the D5 betting lines. In exchange for the Rabbi, Avery is sitting out for sukkot which is funny in a way, but probably not to Glanzer.

Nightmare Before Christmas This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: Lots of talk about Christmas in these previews but I can tell you one group of people that doesn’t care about Christmas and that’s Jews. Every year around December it’s the same exact stream of Christmas movies which are mostly terrible outside of Home Alone. Oh no, somethings happened, there’s wont be a Christmas this year. But wait! Oh yes, something else happens and of course Christmas is back again. So ridiculous. It looks sweet and wholesome and fun to celebrate, sure, but the movies definitely need some new plotlines. Santa Claus being kidnapped by a gambling boogeyman is a pretty good start and I have to imagine that is what Rich is going to try to do tonight against certainly goyim Simon’s team.

Having written these previews I now see that The Nightmare Before Christmas really has very little to do with this ball hockey league but it gave me an excuse to browse YouTube for songs I like rather than actually doing research on who’s playing in these games, and for that I am truly thankful. See ya tonight.

Leave a Reply