Week 4 Betting Lines (Fall 2022)

Red Rockets (-120)
MelRose Place (-120)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: Once upon a time this league was blessed to get Les Mis previews and to the 4 people in the league who love that show (WHAT UP SCOTTYK) it was truly glorious. Since then we’ve gotten a lot of new players who have not yet been properly schooled in the correlation between Victor Hugo’s 1862 masterpiece and a recreational ball hockey league that promotes every type of sin that exists on the planet. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Anyways in case any gamblers or aspiring gamblers care, red is missing Corey, Munir, Jay, Robyn and the Q train while MelRose has Amit, Luc, Len and Hilary confirmed out and a bunch of GTDs. I’m not sure what the correlation isbetween a trashy 90s soap opera and a roster that is perpetually (dating back to last season) a GTD, but I am going to find out. Maybe a few subs in this game but shouldn’t be too many. Scotty said he needed one because his dmen are “getting up there in age” even though Mikey Marron is only 29. Sorry Mikey; you’re old as shit now. What a cruel league this is.

Les Miserables Song This Game Reminds Me Of: The Confrontation. Earlier, there was a confrontation about subs in the form of a protracted negotiation that I received approximately 27 texts and one 15 minute phone call about, and tonight there will be a confrontation with the winner vaulting into the top 4 and the loser falling/staying below .500 and starting to get as desperate as emotionally fragile people on February 13. Whenever I do the confrontation with Scotty he’s Valjean. The actual confrontation ends with Valjean jumping out a window and somehow surviving a fairly high fall, but escaping. I’m not sure if that’s a good sign for red or not. I do think they’ll have just enough to eke this one out though. 3-2 Rockets.

Best Line From The Song:
Dare you talk to me of crime, and the price you had to pay
Every man is born in sin; every man must choose his way

YeHooligan’s Heroes (-140)
Julie’s Football Club (EVEN)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: Absences galore and subs galore in this one as both teams are missing so many players that it’s easier for me to type this long run-on sentence than to actually go back, find who’s missing and list them like a more professional commissioner would do. Zisser will sub in goal for orange and I should probably get subs for these teams. I think Dave GDR and Shan from blue will prob find their way into this game and maybe Ryann if she can ditch her job interviews early. Hockey’s more fun anyways.

Les Miserables Song This Game Reminds Me Of: Look Down. The first iteration of this song is the opener where Valjean first showcases his bizarre superhuman strength by singlehandedly lifting a giant flag but this is undoubtedly the better version, the opener after the time jump with the beggers. And tonight, both these teams are beggers with severely shorthanded rosters. Fun fact: the second stanza in the movie was written just for the film; in the original cast recording (and pretty much every pre-2013 version of the show), the second stanza is a begger lady yelling at a prostitute. She tells her to get off her turf, the hooker says at least she gives customers some pleasure in return, then the begger accuses her of spreading STDs. Then a dude rolls in and clarifies that one of them has the clap. Situation escalated very quickly but honestly it sounds no different than a typical Friday night at Dorrian’s Whorrian’s.

Best Line From The Song:
“This was the land that fought for liberty
Now when we fight we fight for bread
Here is the thing about equality
Everyone’s equal when they’re dead“

Pinky Swear $#*! (+120)
The Muskies (-160)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)

Notes: A legit hockey game between two of the top teams in the league and no one asking me for subs? Actually now that I write this, pink definitely needs a sub for Jeff Green. I think tequila is affecting my ability to form new memories. Not a good sign although Memento is one of my favorite movies.

Les Miserables Song This Game Reminds Me Of: At The End Of The Day. My personal dark horse pick for best song on the entire soundtrack, it has the beggers outlining how shitty their lives are as 19th century serfs. “At the end of the day you’re another day older, and that’s all you can say for the life of the poor.” And you thought your life was tough – that is just bleak. Muskies have most of their lineup in and I’ve just been handed a bulletin that Jeff Green is driving directly from Canada to the rink and considering his general proclivity for breaking the law I do not expect him to obey any traffic regulations so he will actually (somehow) make it in for this one. Winner will likely be in 1st place by end of the night so some massive early-season standings implications but no matter who wins they’ll both end the evening in better shape than poor Fantine who gets totally shafted by her co-workers over some petty gossip and by her boss over her refusal to sleep with him. Some things never change.

Best Line From The Song:
You play a virgin in the light
But need no urging in the night

YeHooligan’s Heroes (+200)
The Muskies (-320)

YeHooligan’s Heroes (+2.0 Goals) (-110)
The Muskies (-2.0 Goals) (-130)
Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)

Notes: Line is void if purple allows green to take elite subs. Assuming they don’t (the odds of which went up tremendously when I found out McQuade drove home this morning), the Muskies should romp as my preseason (and ongoing) pick for championship frontrunner. They’re missing a few key pieces like pretty much all their defenders but I don’t think it’ll really matter. Evidently, neither does Jack.

Les Miserables Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: Epilogue. The final song of the show tour de force musical sensation in which (spoiler for 160 year old book) Valjean dies and joins all the other dead people in some kind of afterlife situation where they’re still erecting barricades and fighting for freedom. These people really can’t catch a break; even in heaven, they still have to stage revolutions with elaborately constructed barricades. And, well, much like these ghosts, if purple shows no mercy green is already dead except I know many people on that squad and unlike Valjean, they will surely be going straight to hell. Also I got some complaints that every song I picked last time was from the first hour so enjoy this song from the very end of the musical you sick sick people. I would apologize for that last comment but I truly don’t think anyone that prefers the 2nd half to the 1st has a soul anyways.

Best Line:
“Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?“

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