Our millennial-in-chief Jess has provided some memes for your viewing pleasure because she was apparently bored as sin at work. Captions are hers, snarky editor’s notes are mine.
Blue Team
Editors Note: I choose to take this meme as a compliment. Also I have no idea how good Mr Lord will be but considering some of the frankly shocking picks before him, I have a feeling it’s going to be a nice value.
My Cup Size Is Stanley
Editors Note: Similar to her attitude with a pile of blow and a shirtless Italian man at Seacrets, Jenn just can’t help herself.
East River Kraken
Editors Note: This is actually a redux of our pond hockey team where Braun had an A and no one wore the C. He may not necessarily want to be captain but after the season he had last season, I think he’ll do anything to win more than one game (well, except backcheck). Speaking of which…
Red Team
Editors Note: After 1 win in 15 games and a -54 goal differential last season, I think it’s safe to say red will improve in 2022. Also her original meme was far more savage, look for it in D5 media outtakes later this season.
Hungry Hippos
Editors Note: Mr Meatbox had the option to get himself and Braun as a 1st and 3rd at which point he could’ve taken Andrea with his 2nd if he so desired. He also could’ve just stuck it out as a 2nd, landed Derek and then traded up to get Andrea in the late 2nd/early 3rd. Instead, he was willing to slot himself in the 1st for her to be a 3rd. As far as asset management goes, this isn’t quite as bad as the Islanders trading Roberto Luongo and Olli Jokinen for Mark Parrish and Oleg Kvasha so they could free up space to draft Rick Dipietro ahead of Marian Gaborik and Dany Heatley, but it’s certainly approaching Milbury range (that reference was pretty much exclusively written for Jack & Hogg).
Royals
Editors Note: Did you not want Scott? I had a shot at him in the early 3rd and passed partially because I thought you’d want to play with him. Poor Mr Clean.
The Goaldiggers
Editors Note: The amount of scoring these two did last season was frankly offensive. I legitimately think they had like 13 points each just against the red team.
The Grapes
Editors Note: If this team ends up being akin to the People Eaters Jack will either get suspended by me or murdered by Hilary. Also what the hell is The Grapes?
Green Street Hooligans
Editors Note: There’s no denying it, he is pretty damn sexist. And now that he’s got Glanzer in his corner we are approaching levels of sexism that Donald Trump could only dream of. Tbh I’m not even sure if the girls on green are going to be allowed to come to the rink without a man present.
Bonus Memes
Editors Note: Not totally sure what this alluded to but I assume the trade involved Charlotte’s freedom.
Editors Note: In a massive upset, Glanzer was actually drafted before Yehuda despite the fact that Yehuda is one of the fastest players in the league and Glanzer runs a 12.7 40
Editors Note: Russo had nothing to do with this article and this was shamelessly lifted from his BTSH previews but I just can’t get over the fact that we not only have a Florida resident in this league but I drafted him in the 6th round, which means if you are reading this article it was probably ahead of you.
Editors Note: I’m going to end this piece before I get upset.