The MilkMob (+150)
Silver Stallions (-225)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: Both teams are slightly short for this one with the Stallions rocking 9 players and the MilkMob probably rocking similar #s but also telling me all week that they’re the oldest team in the league. Possibly true, but in this battle of confusing jersey colors that experience may come in handy against one of the league’s newest franchises. MilkMob looked electric in dismantling Cup Size on Friday but the Stallions also looked great for much of their game as they mounted a comeback from three goals down to beat the meat 5-4. With this being their first game of a doubleheader, I’m expecting MilkMob legs to be fresh for this one but I’m also expecting the Stallions attack to be just a little too potent, even for Sonj. She’ll keep this one close, but I’m expecting silver to prevail.
Mace Windu (-2.0 Goals) (-130)
Pizza Rats (+2.0 Goals) (-110)
Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)
Notes: Hicks has the girls on the Pizza Rats all playing center this season, presumably in an attempt to outsource all the running to the fairer sex. This is either ultra-feminist or the most sexist thing that’s ever happened in this league, depending on your point of view. Well, like Thibs using zero subs in a meaningless Knicks regular season game, he’s worn them down as all three of them are out tonight and he badly needed subs for this one. He’ll be getting Karly and Sarah and in the continued spirit of outsourcing tasks he doesn’t want to do, sending them to the blue line to play defense. As I stated last week, I was shocked to see teal ranked last in the preseason power ranks and barring a loss by like 10 goals here, there is close to zero chance that they are ranked that low in the next edition. But tonight, with a short bench against a strong purple team, I think they may struggle. I was going to take the under here but teal is also missing basically their entire defense so you’re on your own with that one.
The MilkMob (+2.0 Goals) (+140)
The Blue Streakers (-2.0 Goals) (-200)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: Not entirely sure how to handicap a game between a team who hasn’t played yet and a team that will be fully warmed up and milks each other at center after goals. The cold weather is not particularly great for milking, but it’s also not particularly great for streaking either. Also not great for blue: Max is sick and is missing opening day. Blue will need the services of sub goalie Zisser and has allowed MilkMob the services of sub Ryann for this one. The Streakers were the preseason #1 pick but they may struggle to match the speed of the Mob, especially with Cardello out and a number of rookies on the roster. One thing they won’t struggle to do is fire shots on net as Jack/Chad are probably good for at least 20 attempts each per game and if Jeff brings the same spirit of nonstop rips as his brother used to, it could be a full on firing squad out there with some rock hard balls (the hockey ones I mean). Sonj is a threat to steal any game she’s in and the MilkMob will have had four games to build chemistry by the time this one starts, but I’m taking blue to cover.
The Grassholes (+1.5 Goals) (EVEN)
The Blue Streakers (-1.5 Goals) (-145)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: The Grassholes had an absolutely brutal first few minutes of the season on Friday, falling behind 3-0 almost immediately. They went on to mount an impressive comeback only to fall just short at 5-4 so it’s extremely difficult to get a read on this team. Which one is really them: the one which fell behind so quickly and looked completely lost on defense or the one which dominated large stretches of the game after that? The truth is probably somewhere in the middle as they’re returning too much of last season’s championship core to be truly bad. Stern and Ryann have built a pretty strong, underrated connection and Andrew is always a threat on defense which led to him shockingly be the #2 overall pick this season. This is probably the toughest game of the night to handicap as there are a number of variables in the air: how good is green, how good is blue, blue hasn’t played yet, blue on a back-to-back, Ridzik rushing in from work to sub against the team he won the cup with. I would take the over in this matchup just based on feel and the wide open nature of what I saw from green on Friday but with two strong goalies, this game could just as easily end 3-1.
Team Pie Pie (-2.5 Goals) (-155)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+2.5 Goals) (+110)
Over 8.0 (-110)
Under 8.0 (-130)
Notes: The final game of the evening sees team big boobs take on team big cat in temps that should make this feel like a late Fall affair even though it’s somehow early April. In fact there were some calls from anonymous players on black to possibly postpone this game due to wind (?) which makes me wonder if they realize that they signed up for a hockey league and not summertime backyard croquet. In any case, assuming there aren’t a rash of last minute lineup changes, this looks to be a mismatch between a 2-0 team with a +4 goal differential and unmatched forward depth and an 0-2 team with a -8 differential and unmatched under-21 depth. Of course, anything can happen in D5 and 2.5 goals is a hefty spread, but I’m taking Pie Pie to move to 3-0 on the season with a 6-2 win on the frozen tundra of D5.