1) Bluebies
Average Rank: 1.89
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 4
Standard Deviation: 1.05
1st Place Votes: 4 of 9
Comments: Blue remains #1 in the power ranks despite a nasty late-season slide and now needing to win one more game than red or pink to make it to the finals. Rankers are weighting late season absences pretty heavily and I think they are probably wise to do so.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Can’t hate a team with Sam on it. Very favorable road to the final so they will be there. Don’t think they take it down though.”
“I’m trusting that Feder and Brad will show up for the entirety of the playoffs which is about as safe as trusting Dave Rosen to pack the essentials for a road trip.“
2) Red Eyed Peas
Average Rank: 2.67
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 5
Standard Deviation: 1.32
1st Place Votes: 2 of 9
Comments: Tied with yellow for 2nd but they get listed first with one more 1st place vote. The Peas submitted a highly impressive regular season on the backs of the best female combo in league history and a career-best campaign from Jacob. Rated #7 in the preseason, they’ve exceeded everyone’s expectations and only need two wins for the championship.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“I hate how fast this team plays. I’m still looking down at the bottom of the roster and see some weakness but maybe it doesn’t matter. Red vs Yellow will be a WAR if it happens.”
“Much girl talent, but the team is a sausagefest and thats not good.”
“The Nate Lerner system has prevailed, resulting in a first place finish and a sweet semifinal bye. That being said, I don’t have them as the number one team. Blue and Yellow just seem to have more speed and intensity, and I’m not sure that Red can keep up. I’m not saying Tarnow is soft, which he proved he isn’t by playing in the 45 degree weather, but there are teams that are… harder.”
“Eat a dick, we’re #1.”
2) Big Deke Energy
Average Rank: 2.67
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 4
Standard Deviation: 1.12
1st Place Votes: 1 of 9
Comments: This team was easily the most improved post-break as they went from “we might be fucked” to “we’re a legit contender.” I’m not sure what kind of offseason training/group sex regimens went down this past winter but they appear to be yielding incredible results as no one wants to face this team in the playoffs. If Corey keeps playing the way he has and Lily answers even one of Mel’s texts, they could win it all.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“I can’t even explain how much it kills me to rank this team so high, but when everything goes right (and everyone shows up), they’re a really tough team to beat.”
“This team has a lot of top talent but they’re all prone to disappointing Mel with a text 3 hours before playoffs stating that a different hockey league they play in is more important that night.”
“Fuck this team for coming in 4th because now we have to play them in the semis. Calling it now whoever wins our semis game will win the ship.” (editor’s note: this was obviously Nate)
4) Shooting Blancs
Average Rank: 3.56
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 5
Standard Deviation: 1.24
1st Place Votes: 1 of 9
Comments: An insane top four but depth is a bit of a concern. And the fact that their goalie is the co-captain of a separate team who they could very easily play on Tuesday. Storer missing playoff week one is also painful but this team has the horses to beat anyone.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“White by far had the best draft. I don’t remember who their goalie is mostly because we didn’t get a shot on them whenever we played them.”
“Any concerns I have about the build of this team is negated by the fact that it’s the playoffs and Simon will triple shift himself.”
“After a slow start to the season, the top talent on this team is starting to shine. But still, they are a bit top heavy, and questions have begun to mount about Jackcums dual loyalty, especially after he bailed on Simon once already (in BTSH).”
5) On Tuesdays We Wear Pink
Average Rank: 5.00
Highest Rank: 3
Lowest Rank: 6
Standard Deviation: 1.00
Comments: I’m not sure if this rating is disrespectful as all the teams ahead of them are really good. But it is somewhat surprising. Pink has flown under the radar all season but finished hot and is one of the only teams still playing their ladies on D, which is easy when it’s just Hilary iron-manning (iron-womanning?) every game. No one seems to be picking them heading into the playoffs but I’m sure they’re just fine with that.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“They beat yellow so they must be good. Annoyingly deep.”
“I don’t believe in this team. A number of players have career-high numbers. Seems unsustainable.”
“Another really good team with a lot of talent and depth, but I’m just not set on them being in the top 4. Is it because they happened to have a bad game against us and my ranking is entirely based on those 42 minutes? Who can say. They’re good, I just don’t think it will be Kenough.” (editor’s note: I couldn’t tell if that was a typo or a Barbie/Ken reference so I kept it in)
6) Merry Pranksters
Average Rank: 6.56
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 2.13
1st Place Votes: 1 of 9
Comments: Important to note that this team clears the Calves for this 6 spot solely because Gelman always puts his team #1 which certainly skews the rankings. No one else had them close to #1. But they do have a ton of talent and if Cam plays the way he has the past few games, watch out.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“This really isn’t a bad team, but I do think they’re beatable, even with their full roster.”
“Another failed season of captaining for Gelman. He might need a color change to switch the vibes up next season.”
“Gelman will open the playoffs by scoring 4 goals in a 6-4 loss”
7) The Jewish Golden Calfs
Average Rank: 6.67
Highest Rank: 5
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 1.22
Comments: The attendance situation for this group has been rough all season as their d-corps have pretty much never all played together, Jake left midseason and his replacement Malik has only made 3 games. Not ideal. But Malik’s in for the playoffs and if they finally get everyone in for a night, this team will be a tough out.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“We get it, Minsky can score from the red line, but can he make a pass? Overall they do not have their shit together and it shows.”
“They’re good when all their players show up but that hasn’t been happening.”
“This team is really tough to beat when their entire defensive corps shows up. Which is never.”
“The right amount of talent, needs to trust Yehuda and give him more ice time in order to win. Maybe they can put him on D to ensure more playing time” (editor’s note: you can guess who wrote that one)
8) The 96th Street Bastards
Average Rank: 7.00
Highest Rank: 6
Lowest Rank: 8
Standard Deviation: 1
Comments: Some felt post-trade that this team was going to be unstoppable. Instead, they haven’t won a game since October despite having no real holes anywhere on the roster. Lack of speed is a concern but I really don’t understand how they’ve lost five in a row. A true playoff sleeper with all the tools, but thus far no toolbox.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“I’m looking at this roster and don’t really understand why they are so bad. Is there a locker room issue (likely with rich as captain?)? I kind of like this team for a dark horse run.”
“This team colluded and still can’t buy a win. Although I give Rich credit for not replacing Jason Campbell with some absurd ringer. That was the least Rich move Rich has ever made.”
“It’s a bad team that has Zisser in net.”
9) Bada Bing
Average Rank: 9.00
Highest Rank: 9
Lowest Rank: 9
Standard Deviation: 0.00
Comments: Purple’s toughest season since the legendary Purple People Eaters season. To be fair, they have also been missing key players down the stretch but to also be fair, they were getting killed before the break too. Still, their playoff roster is going to be a lot of grinders, Dave GDR can certainly steal a game and the Collusion Bowl should be fire. Jack will pull out all the stops, including personal attacks and surprise guests in the stands. Bet against them at your own risk.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“What was Jack on when he drafted this team? Seriously, someone check the toxicology report.”
“It’s a bad team that does not have Zisser in net.”
