Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (-170)
Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+125)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: Opening day is here and with it, all sorts of excitement, debauchery and a surprising amount of absences. Robyn is out for the Pranksters, replaced by Rachel Lee in her farewell tour as she prepares to set foot outside of NYC to pursue a graduate degree over her burgeoning ball hockey career. Red doesn’t have a lady sub for Dana yet but does have reigning goalie of the year Corey in place of Sonj. The only reason I’m even considering Pranksters here is Simon’s long awaited debut at centre, and when I say long awaited I mean only by him as he’s been ranting about it for weeks despite begging me not to play forward when we were in Montreal for a tournament last year. Is that enough to pick them over a fully loaded red squad? Sadly no. I’m higher on the Pranksters than the public and much lower on red than the public, but look for Red Floyd to build the wall in front and win a tight defensive battle that leaves the Pranksters comfortably numb. In related news, the amount of Pink Floyd puns on this website is about to skyrocket. Money.
UPS (-200)
Layin’ Pipe (+140)
Over 7.0 (-155)
Under 7.0 (+110)
Notes: Perhaps the marquee matchup of the evening as Layin’ Pipe embark on their sophomore campaign after a rebrand that is equally dirty as their original name which honored some lady of the night from Connecticut who will never know just how much she has given us (herpes included). They’ll face off against UPS and it’s an unc revenge game yet again against his three best friends who seem to like him but also don’t seem to want him anywhere near their D5 team. He had the last laugh last season en route to a 2-1 record including a championship win and this season the brown team is a popular poopular pick for contender status. Pipe is layin’ under the radar a bit but return much of the same core from last season while also adding Jeff Green between the pipes and Andrew on D who is the first D5 player in history to win 3 cups in his first 3 seasons. For multiple seasons Ryan told me I was overdrafting him when I would get him in round 7. This season silver finally saw the light and took him in early 4. It’s a much more well-rounded squad than last seasons goal-scoring machine but the team they’re facing is also built to pump goals like they’re chicks from Connecticut (ok, last reference I swear). The Green bros will do what they can to keep this game’s score reasonable but unless they’re getting steroids from Hicks pre-game, I don’t see any possible way this game stays under. UPS to win.
The Seahorses (+4.0 Goals) (+150)
Untitled Blue (-4.0 Goals) (-215)
Over 7.0 (-110)
Under 7.0 (-130)
Notes: In general this would be a fun matchup with a lot of fun angles to write about: Mel vs the franchise that beat her in her only cup appearance two seasons ago, Brett Marks vs the team he won two cups with, Caitlin and Tom Fitz vs their LBS brethren and rookie goalie Will against the best in the league (when sober), Phelps. Sadly, however, Fitz, Russo and yellow’s goalie are all out of action tonight. This does not bode well at all for their prospects of winning or even staying within a field goal. Defending goalie of the year Corey’s been given special permission to sub for yellow but this one might get ugly. I’ve got blue by 6.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+2.0 Goals) (-110)
UPS (-2.0 Goals) (-130)
Over 6.0 (-135)
Under 6.0 (-105)
Notes: The return of boobs is on as Jenn is back to playing against the captain who led her franchise to their only cup victory or appearance in history, Hicks. Cup Size had a better than expected draft this go-around and this will be their lone game for several weeks while they wait for their goalie AJ to get healthy and lead them on a charge for the playoffs. Questions galore for this one including how is Jenn going to fare in her first game in two years and who on this roster is going to pass besides Jo Robin. UPS, on the other hand, will be locked and loaded after getting an earlier game against pipe. If they lose that game, I expect them to come out hungry and extra motivated here. If they win that game, I expect their confidence to be sky-high. Either way, the outcome is the same: brown by multiple goals and someone complaining about something is basically a lock.
Layin’ Pipe (-160)
The GoldMembers (+115)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: The west coast game pits silver vs gold and making more Jewish jokes here would just be way too easy. Instead, I’m going to lament that this could have been the most competitive game of the night and one where I’d expect the public to be all over silver but gold to be a sneaky upset pick. Sadly, however, gold will not have multiple top players including Corey Spec and Joe Mosk, leaving them badly shorthanded for this one. I’ll probably have to find them a sub or two and Annie will be iron-womanning the game but they’re going to face a tough task against a silver team that will have already had a tuneup game under their belts and will have been sitting in the stands boozing and watching electric D5 hockey for 2+ hours before this one. I wouldn’t put it past Meehan to slip them some spiked drinks en route to a victory via biological warfare but absent this type of next-level skinny dugan, I think silver is the safe choice here. Boring, but safe. Like sex with a condom. In any case, I do think it’s a trickier game that may appear at first glance, but pipe likely pulls it out. I’m talking about the win, by the way.
