Sexperts (+210)
Merry Pranksters (-350)
Over 4.5 (-120)
Under 4.5 (-120)
Notes: This game is tied 0-0 with 3:59 remaining in the 1st period. A true toss-up leading up to the week and in the 10 minutes played last week, Sam is a last minute scratch for blue which obviously lowers the win percentage drastically. Will probably still be a close game and likely low scoring if Jack and Sonj play as well as they did in last week’s 1-0 red/blue showdown, but Pranksters were already a slight favorite and have to be even moreso now with Sam bailing last minute. Anyone who bitched endlessly about rosters in the offseason will probably be barred from registering in spring and tie dye is likely to advance to their second final four in three seasons. Blue is a massive underdog but betting against Cardello and the Jackuum is a risky move. I’m taking the under.
Halloweenies (+1.5 Goals) (+150)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-1.5 Goals) (-230)
Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)
Notes: The Weenies pulled out an OT victory over the MilkMob last week on a goal by Sarah and she’ll need to bury a few more if they’re going to get by a deep and high scoring Cup Size squad. Black hasn’t played a playoff game yet and was set to do so last week without Minsky, who didn’t want to play before the marathon. Some lucky last minute unforeseen rain showers gave them a reprieve from the heavens and now they’ll go into this one fully loaded. Orange will surely be looking for revenge after a lopsided 10-0 loss in the regular season but assuming their big 3 don’t miss this one, this game profiles to be significantly closer. Storer and Joe will eat minutes and probably each score multiple points, but whether they can do enough to get by black’s three solid lines of players is a different question. I think this game will be closer than many think but Cup Size is likely to advance.
SEX/PRK (-160)
HWN/CUP (+115)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: Pranksters have been at or near the top of the standings all season, giving up the 2nd least goals in the league, while Cup Size finished second in goals scored. That would be a very classic strength on strength battle where I’d have to favor the defense. Blue and orange were the teams most people complained about preseason because what can I say they’re simple people, but with blue facing severe lineup issues and orange having had an up-and-down year, it’s likely a tie-dye vs black matchup. I think in most cases (especially if Cup Size is out), I would have to bet on the under.
The Grassholes (+110)
Flickin’ Bean (-155)
Over 6.5 (-145)
Under 6.5 (EVEN)
Notes: Possibly the marquee game of the night, the Grassholes took care of business last week with a 7-1 drubbing of Tropic Thunder while Bean hasn’t played in a couple weeks. Bean are (kind of) the defending champs while Andrew has never lost a playoff game. Pink did handily take the season finale matchup between these teams, but as anyone who’s watched a lot of hockey will tell you, playoffs are an entirely different animal. Green has to find a way to shut down pink’s top unit of Fitz/Ryan/Cherie while pink has to find a way to keep playing the stellar defense they finished out the season with. This one is truly too close to call but I’m probably making a play on the over.
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Flickin’ Bean (+175)
The Grassholes (+200)
Merry Pranksters (+200)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+325)
Halloweenies (+420)
Sexperts (+600)
Over 5.0 (-155)
Under 5.0 (+110)
Notes: Who the fuck knows how this championship game or this night will turn out. If no one is rioting due to the results of the election or this game, I will be satisfied. See ya tonight.