Slime Time Live (-145)
Purple Nurple (EVEN)
Over 6.0 Goals (-120)
Under 6.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: The opening game of the summer season and I’ve spent the whole day sick in bed monitoring 15 different weather reports. Honestly, par for the course at this point but incredibly the sun is shining and unless our envoy at 4:00 discovers massive puddles at the rink the likes of which haven’t been seen since (redacted) in (redacted), we are playing. Purple’s draft is tough to figure as they got the top two picks in the draft, but I didn’t come away quite as impressed with the overall roster as I was last season. Meanwhile I think green is solid but pretty much everyone I’ve spoken to and everyone who filled out a power ranking ballot thinks this team is going to suck. This is going to be a telling matchup for whether you trust the public or the sportsbook lines. As for me…well, I am the book. Green to win.
Purple Nurple (-1.0 Goals) (-200)
Mean Girls (+1.0 Goals) (+135)
Over 6.5 Goals (-120)
Under 6.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: Mean Girls got ranked last in the power rankings which I personally think is a bit misleading. For context, they traded their 2nd round pick for a 5th/6th/7th so they have more depth than most teams while lacking that true scoring punch outside of Emma. I don’t think they’re particularly likely to finish in last place, but I also don’t see them taking down the cup with that type of build. Of course, most people just think they’ll be bad as they were a resounding last place selection in aforementioned power ranks and have been mercilessly roasted by other captains. But how much of that is honest to goodness analysis and how much of that is the understandable desire to make fun of Yehuda? I actually don’t think this is such a bad team but due to public perception there’s no way they can be anything but puck line underdogs for at least their first few games. That said, with the best female tandem in the league and a third in net coming off a 2nd place GAA finish, the potential is there if Yehuda can properly harness it.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+2.0 Goals) (+130)
The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-2.0 Goals) (-175)
Over 6.0 Goals (-120)
Under 6.0 Goals (-120)
Notes: Two of last season’s top teams return in what might be the game of the week. Cup Size is returning LaPorte, Lucas, Hill and Jenn but is replacing their midseason acquisition Sonj with Carl, a rookie from Sweden who impressed at the preseason scrimmage but also doesn’t have his own gear yet. Meanwhile Pie Pie was supposed to be a one season project but after a dominant regular season and a run to the finals, its no surprise that they decided to come back for another shot at the cup. The roster is quite solid top to bottom and they’ve got Jeff Green in net for at least these first few weeks before he fucks off to Europe for a month, only to return for playoffs. Their backup goalie in that interim period is Ryan, former league scoring champion who played on game in net last season and only gave up one goal en route to an 8-1 victory. With Ken locked into this early season doubleheader and Hogg out, the decided edge has to go to orange. Pie Pie to dominate on the rink and at the food bowls, as is tradition. 5-2 orange.
Untitled Sex Team (-2.0 Goals) (-240)
Mean Girls (+2.0 Goals) (+170)
Over 6.5 Goals (-120)
Under 6.5 Goals (-120)
Notes: It’s tough to even make a line for this game because no matter how much I push the line, the public is likely to be all over blue. I’m not saying it’s a bad bet as in my biased opinion it’s going to be a very strong roster, but blue does have some absences tonight and I myself am brutally sick. That said, I’m not sure if it matters. Pink is likely to do better than you think, but I’d be shocked if they were able to actually pull out the win. Blue 6-2.
The Pie Pie Strikes Back (-1.5 Goals) (-225)
Reds N’ Roses (+1.5 Goals) (+150)
Over 6.0 Goals (-130)
Under 6.0 Goals (-110)
Notes: This red team is tough to figure. On the one hand, I’m not a huge fan of their draft. On the other hand, I’ve said that other season (including last season) only for the team to actually make a fairly deep playoff run. Of course, this season they’ll have to do it without Campbell between the pipes who pound for pound is be the most impactful player in the league. He’s still great as a center while APK is one hell of a goalie, but without the depth and speed of last season’s iteration I don’t see another President’s Trophy this season, despite what Nate will tell you. Pie Pie is playing their second of the night but they also have close to a full lineup and will have a game to shake off the rust and get back into it. Orange to win and start the season 2-0. See ya tonight (weather permitting).