1) Great Sexpectations
Average Rank: 1.14
Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 2
Standard Deviation: 0.38
1st Place Votes: 6 of 7
Comments: Blue maintains the top spot in the rankings with a 3-0 record in which each game has been decided by exactly four goals. Hicks has 7 points in 2 games, Ryann’s back from Minnesota, the new players are buying into the sex system and the dinner of the century is tomorrow evening. A 15th straight final four appearance looks like a lock with a 3rd straight cup firmly within the range of outcomes.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Unfortunately even when Frey doesn’t rig the draft(too much) his teams are still good. The tandems seem to be working out great, goalie wild card just means they have sonj in net, and a couple good late round hits puts blue back on top.”
“At a certain point people are going to have to admit they just draft, run bench and play really well”
(editor’s note: that will never happen)
2) Return Of The Pie Pie
Average Rank: 2.29
Previous Rank: 3 (up 1)
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 3
Standard Deviation: 0.76
1st Place Votes: 1 of 7
Comments: With two final four appearances in two seasons as a brand new franchise, orange continues to ice deep rosters and they continue to pay off with a current #2 spot in the standings and the power rankings alike. Ariel’s new vegan diet has him looking as fresh and spry as a man ten years younger than him while Jo Robin’s return has been a breath of fresh air. Simon’s, not so much.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“They got good value in almost every round and will coast to at least top 4 regular season finish.”
“I didn’t believe this team should have been ranked #2 but they proved me wrong when they spanked my team. I have no idea who their bottom players are but they are annyoingly decent. Biggest question mark is Jo Robin’s health. If he’s hurt they’re screwed. Also barely beating a tired Schvitzers team last night despite having Sonj in net raises some questions about if this team is for real.”
3) The Mighty Ducks
Average Rank: 4.00
Previous Rank: 4 (up 1)
Highest Rank: 2
Lowest Rank: 6
Standard Deviation: 1.29
Comments: The Ducks continue to impress with a 3rd place ranking after a 3-1 start where their only loss, incredibly, is to Yehuda. Amanda will claim it’s because she wasn’t there but even if she was we all know she’d be distracted by him anyways. This is a team built on depth and good vibes and with Sonj in goal, no one should be surprised if they make another run to the final four (and possibly further).
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Very strong defensive team (except when Yehuda is on the other side of the equation), and they will be a nightmare for any team they have to face in the playoffs. I would be shocked if they don’t make it to the semis.”
“Was initially going to rank Pie Pie second, but then I remembered the Ducks beat them. This is a very well rounded team with defensive centers, good defense, a scoring girl, a scrappy girl, scoring wingers, good bench vibes, and Sonj in net. They also got the tandem of LaPorte and Spring Season scoring race finalist Nate Lerner in the 6th round! Are you kidding? Wow. Only downside is their entire team regularly shows up which means less ice time for their top players and when Fall Season scoring finalist Nate Lerner isn’t there they lack center depth.”
“I am a fan of satok and sonj. Also the second ducks movie was one of the best of all time; it had the great one and Gordon Bombay banged the smokeshow from Iceland. Bedding the enemy before you beat them is truly sicko shit, a la James Bond.”
4) Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Average Rank: 5.57
Previous Rank: 10 (up 6)
Highest Rank: 2
Lowest Rank: 9
Standard Deviation: 3.36
Comments: Up 6 has to be one of the quickest rises in power ranking history as purple goes from being ranked in the bottom 3 preseason to the top 4 today. And yet, my gut feeling is that this ranking is still a bit too high for a team that gave up 6 to a shorthanded Schvitzing and was tied after one period with a last place green team playing with an empty net. Due to their scheduling shenanigans, their next three matchups are all against Pie Pie and will tell us a lot about where this team actually stands. Oskar returning from his summer in Estonia and the presence of the current frontrunner for rookie of the year certainly helps a ton.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Starting 5 is crazy. Oskar is one of the fastest guys in d5 with the puck, which is harder than it appears. That’s what she said. Also I scrimmaged against Cedric and told Milstein he would be a sleeper. Him as a sixth man is a steal.“
“Also slept on this team until they beat my team despite having no goalie for the first period. That guy with the most canadian sounding name ever was a big pick up. Biggest question mark is Corey’s attendence as he hasn’t played a game yet. Also pretty sure the fall is prime fiddling season so not good for Tom’s attendance either.”
5) Return Of The Clap
Average Rank: 5.86
Previous Rank: 2 (down 3)
Highest Rank: 3
Lowest Rank: 9
Standard Deviation: 2.04
Comments: Opinion is starkly divided on the clap revival. Some, like me, still see the bones of a championship contender with top-end talent and guys who know how to win in this league. Others, however, see a vulnerable team whose top player is playing with a concussion and whose defense gave up 9 goals to Cup Size. Which one is correct? Tough to say but no one should forget the Spring season when they finished 7th and blue finished 5th and both teams still made the final four. There’s no doubt the defense has been pretty gross thus far but with Jeff Green back and maybe a game or two without three full lines, they should rebound just in time for the playoff run.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“The last time they were .500 half way through the season they overhauled their roster and managed to pull some playoff upsets. Should we expect more of the same?”
“I never thought this team should have been ranked #2 and their record shows it. They got lucky last season with their late picks being better than expected and now the other shoe is dropping. No Andrew is killing their D and they rely on Ryan way too much, so if he legit has a concussion they are fucked.“
“If Ryan rumors are true then a respectable golf clap after a bogey is the best they can hope for.“
6) Rediohead
Average Rank: 6.57
Previous Rank: 5 (down 1)
Highest Rank: 5
Lowest Rank: 9
Standard Deviation: 1.51
Comments: When Campbell was coming off a monthlong bender and looked human (human being like an average goalie in this league), they looked awful. On Tuesday he looked like himself and they won 3-0 despite being generally outplayed by pink. And so it will continue to go for red as they will continue to live and die with the fortunes of their franchise goalie. If he gets hot, as he was for all of Spring en route to a ridiculous 8-0 record with four shutouts and a 0.62 GAA, they can beat literally anyone.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“After a brief moment where Campbell lost his way, he bounced back with a vintage performance that reminded everyone why no one should count this team out.“
“After a shaky start Red has returned to form with a classic win where they got outplayed but win 3-0. As usual a well-rounded and well coached team. I anticipate another final four appearance. If Campbell can avoid benders they’ll be in good shape.“
7) I’m Schvitzing
Average Rank: 6.71
Previous Rank: 7 (unchanged)
Highest Rank: 4
Lowest Rank: 9
Standard Deviation: 1.89
Comments: Before the draft I asked Joe if he had any preferences for the draft in terms of players he particularly wanted, early vs late goalie, early vs late girls, etc. He had one request: speed and lots of it. Well, the man has certainly gotten his wish as this is possibly the fastest team in league history. They dropped two games on Tuesday ,but they were to the top two teams in the standings and in these power ranks and Schvitzing is still sitting at .500 with the softer part of their schedule coming up later in the season. A total nightmare to play against, if they can even begin to start putting together some semblance of team defense in front of Cam (which Joe being back from Israel will surely help with), watch out.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Fastest team in the league by a large margin, but giving up way too many goals so far. They’ll look for the defense to stop schvitzing, or to welcome their new forward overlords and join in the forechecking.“
“A rag tag team that can clearly win games, but idk enough about their late round picks to say they are better than black. Also tough to win when your goalie shows up in the 2nd.“
8) Legally Blonde
Average Rank: 7.57
Previous Rank: 12 (up 4)
Highest Rank: 3
Lowest Rank: 11
Standard Deviation: 2.51
Comments: In the initial ranks I wrote that the public was far too low on this pink team and they rewarded me with an upset win over the Ducks and sterling performances against Schvitzing (who they took to OT with a skeleton roster) and Rediohead (who they soundly outplayed but got goalied). The legendary Spec Bros flakiness will hurt them some games, as it appears it may tonight, but this is a team with skill at every position and Sophia holding it down in net. Losing the Specs for playoffs will be brutal for their championship hopes which may explain why they’re all the way down at 8th, but this is a very strong team that is going to finish in the top half of the standings (if Yehuda doesn’t fuck it up).
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“I never thought this team should have been ranked at the bottom. Getting the Spectors in the 4th is crazy, even if they’re missing playoffs. Yehuda pretending to get hurt so a 35 year old woman could massage him and his team can thrive in his absence was a masterclass in coaching. This team has surprisingly good depth, but I could see APK missing a ton of games and less ice time for top players once their bottom picks start showing up.”
“Like red, top end talent is wasted by poor leadership. Except this captain has the typical misguided and undeserved confidence that plagues 20 somethings in NYC. If he is not the definition of dunning Kruger I don’t know what is.”
9) The MilkMob
Average Rank: 8.29
Previous Rank: 6 (down 3)
Highest Rank: 4
Lowest Rank: 10
Standard Deviation: 2.63
Comments: MilkMob gets a surprising 9th place ranking after losing two games in OT on opening night and then eking out a win against Glatt’s on Tuesday. I think people are underestimating how tough brown is and consequently just how tough that win was to pull off but regardless, everyone’s favorite dairy farmers will continue scoring goals and milking cows, not necessarily in that order. And if Hicks and Joe get hot like last season, this could become a trendy sleeper pick come playoff time.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Top-heavy, mid goaltending, only one actual male defender (Frey/Pete), KG ironwomaning most games usually after playing in one before, and Joe playing center (lol). They lost to Green and almost blew a 3-0 lead against a tired bottom-ranked team. Yeah, this definitely ain’t the year they finally break their losing streak against Red.”
“Haven’t watched them play yet and I don’t love their roster construction but they have enough scoring that they shouldn’t fall to the bottom 3.”
“Team is weak but KG’s weed is strong.”
10) My Cup Size Is Stanley
Average Rank: 8.43
Previous Rank: 8 (down 2)
Highest Rank: 4
Lowest Rank: 12
Standard Deviation: 3.21
Comments: Opinions are all over the map on this team with the 2nd largest standard deviation behind purple. They did look far better than expected last Wednesday in putting up 9 goals against Clap and taking red to OT but the speed and defense remains a concern. A doubleheader against pink and red plus a showdown with blue on Tuesday will let us know definitively if this team has the juice for a surprise run up the standings or if Jenn has a date with the play-ins coming up.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“They have enough scoring pop to keep up with any team in the league, and some pretty good defenders too, but they’ve played the least games of anyone this season. Too early to tell if they have more 9 goal games in store, but I like what little I’ve seen so far.“
“Haven’t seen them play, but I maintain that they are too slow in a fast season. Expect them to score some goals, but give up more turnovers that turn into goals.”
“This team is going to get exposed once they start playing on Tuesday nights and once Jenn has to play more than one shift a period.“
11) Hockey at Glatt’s
Average Rank: 10.57
Previous Rank: 11 (unchanged)
Highest Rank: 9
Lowest Rank: 12
Standard Deviation: 1.72
Comments: Before the season the public was ranking this team 11th because they had no clue who their 1st and 2nd rounders are. Now they’re ranking them 11th because they got smoked in two games without them and lost two tight ones on Tuesday. Possibly a little unfair but that’s how these rankings usually go. If you dig a little deeper under the hood, though, you’ll see a team that mostly outplayed Clap in an OT loss and almost rallied from a three goal deficit in the final five minutes against Milk. 0-4 is 0-4 but if they continue to improve and if Zuck can ward off hostile takeover attempts by Julie and Mel, they’re going to be the sleeper of all sleepers come play-in week.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Impressed in their scrappy loss vs clap. The top two guys are legit, but they don’t have enough depth to get there as a unit.”
“Turns out their top players are as advertised, but if the Magosin, Storer, and Mckraken trio couldn’t win, what chance does this team have? They’re definitely tough to play against, but they’re relying on two guys who have never played on this court and have shaky attendance. Not convinced they have the offensive depth to pick up the slack. First season drafting as a new captain is always extremely difficult, but such is life.“
“Small sample size to judge from but that ringer is fast. I saw him run his hat off. Ahh, to be in your 20s again, am I right?“
12) A$$ Fault Green
Average Rank: 11.00
Previous Rank: 9 (down 3)
Highest Rank: 9
Lowest Rank: 12
Standard Deviation: 1.15
Comments: A brutal start to the season for green as Levine’s concussed, Maddy’s only shown up once and goalie options with the Wild Card #2 have been sparse, leading them to use tired goalie subs for most of their games. I like a lot of the vets on this team and think they have the horses to make a run, especially considering the playoff experience on this roster, but they have to start soon as it’s getting late early for Jake and Co. I’d be surprised if they finished the season in last place though.
Comments From Anonymous Rankers:
“Haven’t been able to get traction so far, but a lot of their poor performances have been on days when they’ve had attendance issues. When they get some better attendance the performances will come.“
“I think they’re better than their reocrd, but their record isn’t good. With Ryan concussed and Stern making an unkown number of games I’m not confident in them. Has Maddy even shown up to a game yet?“
“They ain’t got the juice. Not impossible they surprise me but I’d wager against it.”