Sent in by one of our guest correspondents, this continues the league ranking series that began yesterday with the Handsome Rankings. Once again I cannot comment on the methodology but they are presented in full here.
Notes:
- Despite the inherent biases of the ranker I should note that pink is the clear winner here with a player pool straight out of Jerusalem except for Pete who will wear a cross to every game and is at real risk of being crucified if he commits his standard number of giveaways.
- Should also note ranker is son of a rabbi so if you accuse him of anti-semitism, it is in fact you who are anti-semitic.
- Who the hell is the fourth “extremely Jewish” member of brown? Jo Robin, Yaakov and possibly the most Jewish player of them all Jacob Berko are obvious but who’s the fourth? Is it Jordan because he looks Jewish and is probably pounding Manischewitz as I write this? Is he giving Jacob the power of two orthodox men? What’s going on here?
- No beef with the Glatt’s ranking as their team name sounds like a deli in the most Jewish name we’ve had since the Jewish Golden Calfs. If footage could be found of any of them in Israel they’d have a strong case for top three.
- Despite submitting a photo of myself at the Western Wall at age 13, blue ranks a lowly 9th. However that photo did raise us from an official tally of 2.5 to 2.75 so it was still worthwhile.
- Chad did spend a full year in Israel but also told me it was mostly to meet girls so I can’t even use that.
- Does the purple “none affiliated” comment mean none of them are orthodox or that they’re still shopping themselves to other religions like it’s the NCAA transfer portal or D5 players pretending to be co-captains the week before the draft?
- I find it hard to believe that a team of finance guys receiving a possible Jefferies sponsorship and smoking as much as these guys do before, during and after games only has three members on the tribe. Surely there must be a Jewish accountant in the league to audit this one.
- In the pantheon of all the content posted on this site throughout the years I do wonder if any post has had as many Jewish references as this one. Top contenders: the breaking news post of Goose being confirmed Jewish, the post about the Mighty Mensches joining the league and the time Tommy commented in a power rankings post that “there aren’t enough rabbis on this earth tefillin the holes left on this roster by another drafting disasterclass by Minsky.” I think Minsky actually bowed out of captaining as soon as that season was over. The wordplay was so well-executed there was simply no coming back from Masada.
- “As many Asians as Jews” describes not only the red team’s roster, but also my parents.
See ya next time. Mazel tov.
