The Charging Cheetahs vs Purple People Eaters
2nd Period:
PPE (1-0) – Sweet Baby James (1) (unassisted) (5:21)
PPE (2-0) – ScottyK (1) (assisted by Tadpole Jack) (8:34)
3rd Period:
CHA (1-2) – Nasty Nate (6) (assisted by Jessie) (3:30)
PPE (3-1) – James Ryan (1) (assisted by Tadpole Jack) (9:00)
PPE (4-1) – Steve Rys (4) (assisted by Dave Garfinkel) (12:50)
GAME NOTES: After a painful first month of the Fall season, the state of Minnesota can finally celebrate purple’s first victory of the season…Sweet Baby James scored his 1st of the season and ScottyK added to it just three minutes later. Perhaps not coincidentally, both had purple at +250. Some people use pre-workout, some people take hype shits (Hicks does both), and some people just gamble on their to motivate themselves to produce. Different strokes I suppose…Nasty Nate continued his stellar rookie year with his league leading 6th goal of the season. If he wins rookie of the year does that mean he has to become couch guy at the Tadpole/SBJ/Braun apartment?…James Ryan scored his 1st of the season from Tadpole to give purple back their two goal lead with four minutes left and that was about all she wrote in this one…SBJ’s goal was the first goal of the season for purple that Steve Rys didn’t get in on. Feeling left out, he netted his 4th of the season with 10 seconds left. Considering he plays on Top Shelf, it was probably Goose who taught him the importance of padding the stats and trolling your teammates about it afterwards…the People Eaters remain in the basement but are now incredibly in striking distance of the 4 seed, just one regulation win back, and will look to notch said regulation win against the undefeated Cup Size. The Cheetahs will look to rebound in a week one rematch against the Stud Puffins.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – ScottyK (1G)
2nd – Tadpole Jack (2A)
1st – Dave GDR (1 GA)
My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Hungry Hippos
3rd Period:
CUP (1-0) – Adam G (2) (assisted by Matt Stabel) (2:30)
CUP (2-0) – Sara Lehman (1) (assisted by Justin Sorice) (6:15)
CUP (3-0) – Mike McCauley (2) (assisted by Matt Stabel) (7:32)
GAME NOTES: After two scoreless periods Cup Size turned it on in the 3rd period. Goals by Adam, Sara and McCauley within a five minute span in the final period broke the game open, with the 3rd of the goals coming right after yellow had called a timeout…Jeff Green notched his 2nd shutout of the season and remains undefeated in games played for the team that drafted him, an absurd stat a season and a half into his D5 career…with Green and Casca at the top of the goalie leaderboard entering this match, this game had the lowest over/under in league history at 4.5 goals. I haven’t even seen an over/under that low for an NHL game since the Rangers were playing the Caps in the 2015 playoffs and Lundqvist/Holtby were doing their thing. Over/unders for that series were 4.5 from Game 3 on, and four of the remaining five matches still went under…despite that fun piece of gambling trivia that may only interest me, there was only one bet on it: Rich who took the over and was soundly defeated. There was a near-record amount of action coming in on yellow which obviously ended up being great for the house…Cup Size would move on to face the last place Purple People Eaters in week 6 while the Hippos would take on the Goonies.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Matt Stabel (2A)
2nd – Adam G (GWG)
1st – Jeff Green (W, SO)
Stud Puffins vs Green Street Hooligans
1st Period:
PUF (1-0) – Courtney (1) (assisted by Neil) (2:41)
PUF (2-0) – Goose (4) (assisted by Derek) (12:26)
2nd Period:
PUF (3-0) – Matt Russo (1) (assisted by Neil) (0:41)
PUF (4-0) – Meg (1) (assisted by Goose) (5:20)
3rd Period:
PUF (5-0) – Meg (2) (assisted by Creed) (9:49)
GSH (1-5) – ScottyK (2) (assisted by Annie) (11:56)
GAME NOTES: Goose threw down his second game winner of the season and proceeded to troll his team about it via email, as is tradition…Courtney scored her 1st of the season on a rebound in front while Neil picked up two assists…Meg picked up two goals in this one, with the first being scored while she was on her ass…ScottyK was able to get one past Tim K with just over a minute left in the game to deny the Puffins a shutout. Bald guys are the worst…the Puffins have been up-and-down all season but a victory here moves them back up to 4th place and in position for a playoff bye. They would go on to face the Cheetahs in week 6 while the Hooligans would face the Bandits.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Tim K (1 GA)
2nd – Mike Goose (GWG, A)
1st – Meg (2G)
Goonies vs Backdoor Bandits
1st Period:
BDB (1-0) – Guido (3) (unassisted)
GOO (1-1) – Matt Reape (1) (assisted by Adam Herman)
2nd Period:
BDB (2-1) – Joel (1) (unassisted)
BDB (3-1) – Austin (4) (assisted by Caitlin)
3rd Period:
BDB (4-1) – Seb (1) (assisted by Mike Marron)
BDB (5-1) – Alex (2) (assisted by Mike Marron)
GOO (2-5) – ScottyK (3) (assisted by Adam Herman)
GAME NOTES: The Bandits have been in every game but somehow sat in 6th place entering this match…Guido got the scoring started early on with a goal off a turnover by the Goonies’ D. I would tell you how far into the game it was but the scorers box did not write down the times of the goals, not that anyone who reads these box scores really cares about that…after Reape tied the game on the very next shift, the game stayed even until the Bandits broke it open with back-to-back goals by Joel and Austin in the 2nd period and back-to-back goals from the back-end (the end the Bandits clearly prefer) by Seb and Alex…ScottyK scored his 3rd goal of the night, each for a different team, late in the game off a feed from Adam. He’s the first person to score three goals for three different teams in the same night…the win vaults the Bandits all the way up to 5th place on the season while the Goonies drop to 7th.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Mike Marron (2A)
2nd – Adam Herman (2A)
1st – Austin (GWG)
Hungry Hippos vs Goonies
1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Hicks (6) (assisted by Hogg) (5:06)
HIP (2-0) – Hicks (7) (assisted by Hogg) (11:31)
2nd Period:
HIP (3-0) – Hogg (3) (assisted by Swersky) (4:18)
3rd Period:
GOO (1-3) – Adam Herman (1) (assisted by Mike T) (0:10)
HIP (4-1) – Hicks (8) (unassisted) (6:45)
GOO (2-4) – Cherie (4) (PPG) (assisted by Tash) (10:03)
GOO (3-4) – Mike T (5) (assisted by Mike Tarnow) (11:33)
HIP (5-3) – Hicks (9) (EN) (unassisted) (12:10)
GAME NOTES: Hicks tied a D5 record in this one with a four goal effort, two of which were assisted by Hogg, to bury the Goonies. White did manage a third period comeback to pull within a goal with just over a minute left but the last of the Hicks tallys, an empty netter, sealed the game for yellow…Rangers beat writer Adam Herman continues to put up strong #s as he now has four points, a career high, with three games left to go in the season…this game had the duel effect of moving the Hippos up to 1st place while dropping the Goonies down to 8th going into week 7, where the two teams would have a rematch in the 2nd game of a home-and-home.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Mike T (1G, 1A)
2nd – Hogg (1G, 1A)
1st – Hicks (4G)
Purple People Eaters vs My Cup Size Is Stanley
1st Period:
PPE (1-0) – Tadpole Jack (2) (unassisted) (5:06)
PPE (2-0) – Rachel Solgon (1) (assisted by Tadpole Jack) (11:31)
2nd Period:
PPE (3-0) – Sweet Baby James (2) (assisted by Steve Rys) (4:18)
GAME NOTES: In a game with the biggest moneyline in league history at -400 for Cup Size, the People Eaters shocked the world by giving black their first loss of the season off a sterling effort on defense and in net…after a scoreless first period, Jack scored the opening goal of the game midway through the 2nd on a point shot. He also got the assist on Solgon’s goal late in the 2nd which gave purple a 2-0 lead…it looks like McQuade has decided to enter the chat, and by chat I mean people who actually want to score goals this year. His 2nd goal in 2 games (and on the season) put purple ahead 3-0, a lead which they would hold onto for the remainder of the contest…incredibly, this was Dave GDR’s first D5 shutout in his long and storied career. Shutouts are quite rare; before this season, out of 304 games played by goales there were only 14 shutouts. This season the rate has gone up a bit with five in the first six weeks…despite all the ribbing that purple has gotten from people around the league and definitely this website, this win bumped them up to #7 and just a few points out of 4th. This season has had by far the most parity in league history…purple would face green next week while Cup Size faces the Cheetahs.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Rachel Solgon (1G)
2nd – Tadpole Jack (GWG, A)
1st – Dave GDR (W, SO)
The Charging Cheetahs vs Stud Puffins
1st Period:
CHA (1-0) – Goldy (1) (assisted by Fleming) (9:20)
2nd Period:
CHA (2-0) – Nasty Nate (7) (unassisted) (9:01)
CHA (3-0) – Goldy (2) (assisted by Andrea) (9:42)
CHA (4-0) – Ariel (3) (unassisted) (11:23)
3rd Period:
PUF (1-4) – Jake (1) (assisted by Meg) (9:30)
GAME NOTES: Goldy officially entered himself into the draft sleeper of the year race with a two goal performance, both of which coming on “wicked snipes” for the massholes in the house…Nate continues to run away with the rookie scoring race as he’s now got 7 on the year with three games left to play (and in future news, he did not play week 7). The next highest rookie scorer has two…the Puffins continue a pretty crazy jekyll and hyde season as they looked like one of the best teams in the league the previous week in dismantling the highly ranked Hooligans but got totally outgunned here by a Cheetahs squad that themselves had just gotten dominated the previous week. All-in-all this season’s games have been tougher than ever to predict which has been great for D5 sportsbooks across the country…the win moves the Cheetahs into 4th place while the Puffins would drop to 6th.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Nasty Nate (GWG)
2nd – Max (1 GA)
1st – Goldy (2G)
Backdoor Bandits vs Green Street Hooligans
1st Period:
BDB (1-0) – Austin (5) (assisted by Morgen) (0:36)
GSH (1-1) – Scott Metz (4) (assisted by Mike Wright) (9:09)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-1) – Probie (2) (unassisted) (4:32)
BDB (2-2) – Guido (4) (assisted by Mikey) (8:27)
3rd Period:
BDB (3-2) – Joel (2) (assisted by Austin) (8:26)
GSH (3-3) – Probie (3) (assisted by Jess) (12:22)
Overtime:
GSH (4-3) – Riegler (2) (assisted by Charlotte) (1:20)
GAME NOTES: The goaltending controversy that shook the world played out here and, thankfully, it was far from the disaster that many predicted it to be…before the game, Austin had lobbied hard to play in net, pulling every AB trick in the book aside from sending barely legible texts to women, which is great because I don’t want to have to suspend my team’s leading scorer. After threatening a holdout, he did eventually show up to the game although interim captain Morgen (aka Captain Morgan) promised him that if he got a hat trick he could start in net the next game. She sure knows how to motivate a guy as he proceeded to score on the very first shift and hold up one finger afterwards as if he was Logan Couture…the Hooligans took a 2-1 lead early in the 2nd on a highlight reel goal from Probie but the Bandits stormed back with goals from Guido and Joel. The defense was making plays and I was getting an impressive amount of texts while at a wedding about how Jack was actually not terrible. If D5 games were only 38 minutes long, Jack would be a hero. Sadly, however, they are 39 minutes long and after the Hooligans called a timeout with just over a minute left, blue missed a few empty net opportunities and the Hooligans scored off a fluky changeup goal that went through Jack’s legs, earned him some heckles from the fans and sent the game to OT…in OT, the Cinderella story of a man getting his big break in goal came to an end as a shot by Charlotte took an unexpected redirect right into the slot where Riegler took a quick shot that went off Jack’s foot and just barely trickled over the line. A point gained in the standings for blue, but fans of the Bandits and anal everywhere were left wondering what could have been…had blue held on for the final 38 seconds they would have been in 3rd while green would have dropped to 4th. Instead, the Bandits remain in 5th while the Hooligans remain in 3rd. Jack would get his chance at vengeance the following week as green would head to Minnesota to face the Purple People Eaters.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Joel (1G)
2nd – Riegler (GWG)
1st – Probie (2G)