Week 2 Box Scores (Spring 2021)

Green Street Hooligans vs The Goaldiggers

1st Period:
DIG (1-0) – Patty (1) (assisted by Guido) (1:17)
DIG (2-0) – Mia (1) (assisted by Guido) (6:09)
2nd Period:
DIG (3-0) – Guido (1) (assisted by Danilo) (6:13)
GSH (1-3) – Probie (2) (assisted by Ryann) (11:39)

GAME NOTES: It was opening night at Goaldigger stadium in Vegas and Patty got the fans out of their seats before they even had time to get some popcorn and ecstasy from the concessions with a goal 1:17 into the game…free agent Mia added a one timer at the right post just a few minutes later and suddenly white was up 2-0 less than halfway through the first…Guido assisted on both first period goals and followed that up with a goal of his own midway through the 2nd to give white a three goal lead…Probie picked up his standard goal per game to cut the lead to 3-1 late in the 2nd…unfortunately for green that would be it for the scoring in this game as both goalies stood tall in the 3rd period…as green looked to have a great chance to cut the lead to 3-1, Nestor charged at the net and knocked it off with the reckless energy of a man who’s spent over 8 hours slamming shots/lines at the Encore pool party. Some may see it as unsportsmanlike but it definitely worked out well for white as the ensuing penalty shot was stopped by Casca and the Goaldiggers hung on for their first win of the season…the Hooligans drop to 0-2 but will have an excellent chance to get their season on track next week as they will play a doubleheader, a rematch between these two teams at 7:25 and then a matchup with the Crimson Wave in the primetime game.

3rd – Mia (GWG)
2nd – Casca (1 GA)
1st – Guido (1G, 2A)

Sex Panthers vs Spicy Tuna Rolls

1st Period:
TUN (1-0) – Jack (1) (unassisted) (1:58)
TUN (2-0) – Riegler (1) (assisted by Jack) (8:09)
TUN (3-0) – Mike McCauley (1) (assisted by Sena) (12:02)
3rd Period:
TUN (4-0) – Jack (2) (unassisted) (0:12)
TUN (5-0) – Jack (3) (assisted by Riegler) (1:35)
SEX (1-5) – Ryann (1) (assisted by Rockoff) (5:37)
SEX (2-5) – Rockoff (1) (assisted by AFrey) (12:02)

GAME NOTES: Last week the Panthers were able to pull a miracle comeback with only 5 rostered guys, 9 total players and 3 goals in the last 6 and a half minutes of the game. Trying to do the same this week with even less rostered players, 3 goalies and a 5 goal deficit was perhaps a little bit reckless…from the beginning this game was a Tuna rampage. Three goals in the first period with virtually no scoring chances allowed. Thankfully for me I barely even remember playing this game so it’s like it never happened. Sorry Jack…speaking of the artist formerly known as Tadpole, he came out firing, apparently pissed at watching his team score four goals last week and getting in on none of the action. Then again, getting no action is something he should’ve become accustomed to years ago…still, credit where credit is due; the man put up a hat trick, all wristers from the top of the circles that I don’t think any goalies in this league would’ve stopped, especially not Austin…blue was able to pick up two very cool, very legal goals late in the 3rd to make the score respectable and pad the stats…this game was so out of hand that Jack, of all people, with 10 seconds left and a clear shot at an open net that would’ve given him his 4th of the game, just dribbled the game out like a gentleman. It was a classy move but also one that hurt my soul more than anything I’ve seen since the Game of Thrones finale…Corey, making his debut for purple in net, looked fantastic and at one point showed his baseball acumen with a diving glove save/catch. Somewhere in Boston, Jake Chaplin smiles fondly…the Sex Panthers will look to rebound next week as they face the Hippos in the annual Fireball Bowl. Hopefully we’ll be able to field a team.

3rd – Rockoff (1G, 1A)
2nd – Riegler (1G, 1A)
1st – Jack (3G, 1A)

Crimson Wave vs Hungry Hippos

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Yehuda (1) (assisted by Brad) (11:52)
3rd Period:
HIP (2-0) – Meatbox (1) (assisted by Solgon) (0:18)
WAV (1-2) – Sully (1) (unassisted) (8:43)
HIP (3-1) – Meatbox (2) (unassisted) (10:00)
HIP (4-1) – Meatbox (3) (unassisted) (10:45)
WAV (2-4) – ChooChoo (1) (assisted by SBJ) (12:00)

GAME NOTES: Everyone reading, take note: Captain Meatbox is the reason you got extended stats this week as, after I originally posted just the top 10 scorers, he badgered me to post the full list so he can “scout”. I was not particularly fond of this idea but if there’s anyone you don’t say no to, it’s the guy who just asked if you know a good steroid dealer…in the game, Yehuda “Better Than Glanzer” Weinbach got the scoring started with just a minute left in the first. Great pick Hicks. Also happy birthday Rich…after a scoreless 2nd period the 3rd was a goal scoring bonanza, giving under bettors one of the worse beats you’ll see this season…Hicks picked up a 3rd period hat trick with a goal 18 seconds in, then two goals in less than a minute late to stretch the lead from 1 to 3 goals and pretty much seal the game. After goal #3 he could be heard yelling “BRAUN WHO,” much to the chagrin of Minnesotans everywhere…it’s not often that you see a man score a 3rd period hat trick and fail to get the 1st star but when you get the Dave game, you get the Dave 1st star. While the most famous of the recent Dave games was his insane performance against Drunk Machine in Ocean City, stopping somewhere between 40-50 shots in that game, this wasn’t that far off. Somewhere on York Avenue Sully is finding solace at the bottom of a bud light keg…the Hippos will look to build on this momentum next week as they face the Sex Panthers in the long awaited return of the Fireball Bowl. The Wave will look to get their first win of the season as they face Probie, Cherie and the Hooligans.

3rd – Sully (1G)
2nd – Meatbox (3G)
1st – Dave GDR (2 GA)

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Spicy Tuna Rolls

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Neil (1) (unassisted) (5:50)
CUP (2-0) – Greg (1) (assisted by Hogg) (12:46)
2nd Period:
TUN (1-2) – Mike T (3) (assisted by Kevin) (0:50)
3rd Period:
TUN (2-2) – Mike T (4) (unassisted) (10:43)
Shootout winner by Tash

GAME NOTES: The final game of the evening pitted the preseason sportsbook favorite against the surprise team of the year decade…Neil had an eventful game, scoring the opening goal for black before picking up a penalty later for a headlock. Hockey really is the best…Greg and Hogg combined for a late goal with just 14 seconds left in the first period to send Cup Size to the intermission with a 2-0 lead and firm control of the game…whatever the Tunas discussed between periods, it clearly worked as Mike T cut the lead in half on the first shift of the 2nd after a great play from the Floridaman with the sweet tennis bandana…not content with just one angry goal, Mike T scored off the face-off for the 2nd time this season as he tied the game with just 2:17 left. Purple controlled play late in regulation but after a diving, Marc Andre Fleury-esque save by Max on Jack, the game went to our first 3 on 3 OT of the season…both teams had plenty of chances in the overtime but the structure was overall surprisingly sound, with very little in the way of breakdowns and breakaways, and a few more big saves by each goalie. The game eventually proceeded to a shootout where the only goal was notched by Tash on a highlight reel deke…these two teams will have a rematch in the opening game of next week, as purple will no doubt be looking for revenge while black will look to catch purple and make a run at 1st…finally, a word on this absurd purple team. Spicy Tuna Rolls, Horny Helmet Men, whatever you want to call them, it’s certainly been an eventful start to the season. Universally savaged after the draft, left without a goalie for the first week plus. Sena staring down the barrel of yet another weird painful D5 season, Mike T staring down the barrel of never registering for this league again, Jack staring down the barrel of being banned from drafting a team ever again…it was not looking promising but they’ve pulled it together. Jack and Mike T, as expected, are setting league records in shot attempts but are also 1-2 in the scoring race. The bench looks motivated, the defense looks sound and, with apologies to the ghost of single Zisser, Corey is the suavest goalie in the league. I wasn’t that impressed when they won the first game that started with both teams having empty nets. I wasn’t that impressed when they beat a badly shorthanded blue team. Ironically, this loss showed more than both those wins combined, coming back from 2-0 down to force OT against a very solid Cup Size team and coming within a hair of beating them multiple times in the 3rd and OT. Yes, they’ve played the most games and giving Jack credit isn’t easy but there’s no denying it anymore: this team is for real.

3rd – Tash (Shootout Winner)
2nd – Mike T (2G)
1st – Max (2 GA)

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