Playoff Week 1 Betting Lines (Summer 2018)

*For those who may not be total degenerates – when you bet on -150, it means you would have to wager $150 to win $100 (plus your initial bet back).  A bet on +130 would mean you risk $100 to win $130.  Thus, if you see one team at -140 and one team at +110, it means that a bet of $100 on the favorite would get you $71.43 back (plus your initial hundred back), while a bet on $100 on the underdog would get you $110 (plus your initial hundred back).  EVEN means a bet of $100 gets you $100 back.  Over/under bets are on total goals in the game and have been listed separately to avoid confusion.  In the event of a shootout the winning team is credited with one “goal” for standings and over/under purposes.

**For those who easier identify the teams by captain: Cheetahs=Jo-Ann, Cup Size=Jenn, Sexy=Alex, Hippos=Hicks, Warriors=Probie and Bombay=Sully.

Hungry Hippos (+175)
Team Sexy (-235)
Over 9 Goals (-150)
Under 9 Goals (+110)

Notable Absences: Cherie (SEX), Ol’ Pal Morgie (HIP), #akhilnation (HIP)

The pick: Two of the sexiest teams in the league face off at 7:00 in the first ever District Five playoff game.  There’s a lot of excitement surrounding this one and a ton of subplots.  Will Zisser be sober?  Will he spend half the game trying to convince Alex to go to Atlantic City on Friday with their old ice hockey team?  Will the Provider provide for the people?  Will Eli the goon brawl with Gene?  Will Cheeky and Caitlin touch each other’s butts?  If so, do they have to shake hands after?  The most pertinent questions may be whether Hicks is able to win by five goals or if he is going to owe Alex a bottle of Fireball, and how both teams will fare without the services of the top two female goal scorers in the league.  The scores of the other two games were 9-3 and 6-2, both for Team Sexy.  Cherie won’t be around for this one, and the playoffs are a whole new ballgame from regular season, but odds are that Team Sexy will continue to have the Hippos’ # in this one and take it down with a 6-3 win.

Bombay’s A Sham (+220)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-300)
Over 7 Goals (-105)
Under 7 Goals (-135)

Notable Absences: Ben (CUP), Paul Brown (BOM), Joe P (BOM)

The pick: This would be a much more exciting game if not for the rash of injuries wreaking havoc on Bombay.  Joe P and Paul Brown are confirmed out with Ball Hogg currently a game time decision.  It’s enough to make a man question what he’s done to make his god so angry and whether he should have been a better jew.  Anywho, Team Cup Size will have most of their roster present and, without two of Bombay’s top players, should be able to roll through this one.  Will’s yet to turn it on yet this season while Tarzan and Zak should be able to run circles around a depleted Bombay defense.  Bombay’s best chance in this one is if Zach can manage to keep them in it and they’re able to get timely scoring from Rosen, Ellison and Hogg, keeping the game low scoring and making the most of their chances.  Alas, it probably won’t be enough.  Cup Size isn’t really built to blow teams out, but count on Ramirez making sure that wins are in the cards for the black team and the under.

Team Sexy / Hungry Hippos (+130)
The Charging Cheetahs (-180)
Over 6 Goals (-110)
Under 6 Goals (-130)

The pick: No matter who advances through the opening round, it’s going to be quite the uphill battle against a well-rested and thus far undefeated Cheetahs team.  If Team Sexy is the matchup it’ll be a rematch of last week’s makeup game which saw the Cheetahs prevail by a 2-0 score.  The good news for Team Sexy is that they controlled possession through large swaths of that game and did so without Cherie for the first two period; the bad news is that it still wasn’t enough to solve Campbell as one of the top offensive teams in the league became the first of the season to get shut out by him.  If it’s the Hippos, it’ll be a rematch of week one when the Cheetahs prevailed by a score of 6-1, although at this point it’s questionable whether that game has any relevance to this one as both rosters have experienced significant turnover.  The x-factor for both Sexy and the Hippos will be whether their defense and goaltending are able to match up to the elite unit the Cheetahs rode in allowing only eight goals in six games this entire season.  The Cheetahs will have their entire roster save for Alex DeMarco so it’ll take a major league effort to dethrone them, especially in a second game of the night for one of the challengers.  With so much up in the air it’s tough to get a read on who will win, but whatever the case the recommendation is to take the under and bet on a tight, low scoring contest.

When Campbell’s in the zone like this, he’s a tough goalie to beat.

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