Week 2 Betting Lines (Spring 2019)

Hungry Hippos (-135)
Chosen 1s (-105)
Over 8.0 (EVEN)
Under 8.0 (-140)

The Pick: Two teams who suffered tough week one losses will look to rebound here as Hicks, Ariel and the Hippos do battle with their Cecil Harambe captain Rich and their Shortis enemies Jeff & Brad. Joe P is out of action for the Chosen 1s while Sena is currently crushing champagne and pastries in France. Sarah Herr will be filling in for her on the back-end and will have her hands full with Jeff and Ryann bringing in both da noise and da funk for orange. The Hippos certainly have a plethora of experienced defenders but the question is whether they’ll be able to generate enough quality shots on net. After last week’s tough loss to Gabe, Hogg and (for some reason) Carlin, we’re betting they’ll learn their lesson and score just enough to notch the W, leaving Rich almost as angry as Carlton Banks during that one super random episode of Fresh Prince about camping and gun violence.

Purple Parrots (-115)
Rainy Day Kids Club (-125)
Over 6.0 (-115)
Under 6.0 (-125)

The Pick: In what oddsmakers project to be the lowest scoring game of the week, Campbell’s merry band of animals face off against the Rainy Day Kids Club. They may be called the Parrots but last week the purple team played a classic Black Squirrels game, playing perhaps the most disciplined dump and chase hockey game in D5 history en route to a 1-0 victory over the Cheetahs. Jacques Lemaire himself couldn’t have drawn it up better. The Kids Club will be without the services of longtime netminder Tim Burke tonight and will have Zisser subbing in his stead. Last week they got off to a rough start, down three goals at the first intermission before stabilizing but still losing 5-2. Thankfully, to my knowledge Mike T will not be subbing against them this week, and there is a slight chance that Campbell will be late for this game. It’s a tough game to call but if the entire Kids Club shows up (and especially if the Parrots forget to cover Probert, much to Rich’s chagrin), green should be fired up and should be able to put in a couple goals and make it stick. As for the over/under, the lowest of the week – you’re on your own with that one.

The Charging Cheetahs (-105)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-135)
Over 7.0 (-120)
Under 7.0 (-120)

The Pick: A week after taking down the Hippos, Jenn’s Canadians and her breasts face off against another original six squad. Jo is on vacation leaving Sully in charge while Scott Heese fills in in net for Shaun deLacy who was so offended at last week’s infamous three stars snub that he quit the league (also I think he might have gotten married or something). Ironically, one week after scoring the game winning goal in a relief appearance for Cup Size, Carlin is out for this matchup against them, gallivanting across Europe like a baller. Is she a sleeper agent? Will she return next week only to play for Jenn’s team again? Conspiracy theories abound, but in the meantime, for the second straight week Marcella will face off against the black team. Cup Size will be missing their top overall pick Gabe, and as of this writing it’s unclear if Avery will be available to sub for him. Either way, with Casca making a few highlight reel saves last week and DRo ready to step in on defense with Hogg, Cup Size should be able to pick up their second win of the season.

Goonies (-120)
Winter Is Coming (-120)
Over 7.5 (-110)
Under 7.5 (-130)

The Pick: It’s hockey night in New York as the game of the week pits Cherie’s Goonies against the kings (and queens) of Winter. Eitan was brilliant in last week’s 5-2 victory over the Kids Club (also he encourages you to follow him on Twitter). Unfortunately he will be out of action this week, and in his place will be a sub goalie who most people don’t know but is extremely fashionable and quite suave in net. Cherie’s friend Rachel is also subbing in for a second straight game, this time in the place of Brett Cantor in something of a reverse-Ladybugs scenario. Meanwhile, for the second straight week team Winter will be using zero subs and will instead be rolling out it’s full strength lineup, fresh off an all-you-can-eat team dinner that at times had me wondering whether we’d be allowed to finish or would have the police called on us. Some team members remain hungover over a week later and it remains to be seen whether they’ll have the legs to run with the Goonies. This is going to be a stiff test for both teams, and the key to it all may be whether Kelsey and Caitlin are able to lock Cherie on defense. This game’s too close to call, but with two of the sexiest goaltenders in D5 history facing off in primetime, I’d be hard pressed not to take the under.

Leave a Reply