Week 6 Box Scores (Spring 2021)

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs Sex Panthers

1st Period:
SEX (1-0) – Alex (2) (unassisted) (10:17)
SEX (2-0) – Ryann (2) (PP) (assisted by DRo) (11:08)
2nd Period:
SEX (3-0) – DRo (3) (PP) (assisted by Malik) (2:42)
SEX (4-0) – Davis (1) (assisted by Austin) (7:00)
3rd Period:
CUP (1-4) – Ramy (1) (assisted by Joe Moskowitz) (9:45)

GAME NOTES: A meeting between the top two teams in PPG at the time turned into a panther romp as most of the blue team (minus Kelsey, Jon and Rickard) finally showed up and brought the sexiness…the 1st period was tight until two goals in less than a minute broke the game open from 0-0 to 2-0 heading into the intermission. From there a four minute double minor from drawing blood on Rockoff (that guy will really do anything for his team) led to DRo getting his 3rd goal of the season…Davis, playing his first ball hockey game on D, scored midway through the game to put blue up 4-0, a lead which they would hold onto for the rest of the game…Malik became the first player to switch teams mid-game. With the score 4-0 he was given to Cup Size for the 3rd period. Funnily enough, he was a +5 overall for the game (if you count his bench +/- which Walker assuredly would not)…Ramy broke the shutout on a nifty breakaway move with just over 3 minutes left. After that black made a late attempt at a comeback but it wasn’t enough and the Panthers held on for a 4-1 victory to give Cup Size their first loss of the season…DRo’s goal gave him a personal record for goals and points in a season with 5 games left to play. Let no one ever tell you that drugs don’t improve athletic performance.

3rd – Waldman (1 GA)
2nd – Ryann (GWG)
1st – DRo (1G, 1A)

Crimson Wave vs Spicy Tuna Rolls

1st Period:
TUN (1-0) – Mike T (5) (unassisted) (11:15)
2nd Period:
TUN (2-0) – Jack (4) (uanssisted) (2:39)
TUN (3-0) – Vanessa (2) (unassisted) (9:15)
3rd Period:
TUN (4-0) – Chris Fullam (2) (assisted by Annie) (9:25)
WAV (1-4) – Meg (3) (assisted by Sully) (12:01)

GAME NOTES: The first battle of the UES Cup (back when we thought it was just for this matchup and not an open challenge trophy) was a closer game than the score would indicate, but purple’s miracle season rolls on as the super suave gift-from-god goalie replacement Corey only let in one late goal with less than a minute left, moving himself all the way up to #1 on the season GAA list…Mike T scored a controversial goal early in the first. After some deliberation the refs called it a goal and the video replay did not have enough evidence to overturn it…Vanessa scored her 2nd of the season, putting her in the top five for female points on the season. Her sister may hate me but Bajko’s making a strong run for rookie of the year honors…another week, another fancy behind-the-back goal from Meg. Far be it from me to lecture people on hockey strategy, but I probably wouldn’t have left the #1 girl in all time points per game completely uncovered in front of the net. Or at least do the Jack defensive strategy…speaking of the artist formerly known as Tadpole (are we retiring that? Whatever happened to Cobra?), he scored his first goal of the season that wasn’t against me personally. If he wasn’t on my 21 Cup team he’d probably be suspended already.

3rd – Vanessa (1G)
2nd – Meg (1G)
1st – Jack (GWG)

Iconic photo
Never forget

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs The Goaldiggers

1st Period:
CUP (1-0) – Joe (2) (assisted by Ramy) (1:47)
CUP (2-0) – Barstool Man (1) (assisted by Neil) (10:30)
2nd Period:
CUP (3-0) – Neil (7) (assisted by Barstool Man) (1:10)
CUP (4-0) – Joe (3) (assisted by Ramy) (11:03)
3rd Period:
DIG (1-4) – Guido (5) (assisted by Danilo) (0:30)
DIG (2-4) – Guido (6) (assisted by Nate Lerner) (1:43)
DIG (3-4) – Evan (2) (unassisted) (2:40)
CUP (5-3) – Neil (8) (unassisted) (4:15)
CUP (6-3) – Greg (2) (unassisted) (6:00)
DIG (4-6) – Guido (7) (assisted by Tarnow) (9:40)
CUP (7-4) – Elliot (1) (EN) (unassisted) (12:40)

GAME NOTES: What an absurd game this turned out to be. First Barstool Man rolls up to the rink rocking a mullet and just ripping heaters like he’s vintage Steve Larmer. Jack was convinced he was going to rip off a prosthetic mask mid-game and reveal himself to be a current NHLer, which would’ve surprised absolutely nobody. Then, with Cup Size comfortably up 4-0 going into the 3rd I go into the stands during intermission and am waiting for an unnamed lady who shares her name with perhaps the worst judge of all time to light up a joint (filled with tobacco, of course) and leave Shirtless Rob (this time with shirt) to man the scorers box. Next thing I know, nothing has been sparked and White has scored 3 goals in 3 minutes, causing me to sprint back to the scorers box. Of course, Cup Size calls timeout so I’m just standing in the box holding my Charles Dickens, then by the time I get back to the stands the cigarette has already been lit. I get maybe one rip in, badly canoe it and then watch black score two goals in less than two minutes so I have to sprint back before a wildly confused Rob butchers the scoresheet. Sorry to anyone who came here looking to read a recap of the game but this is pretty much all I remember from it…well, that and Greg scoring perhaps the strangest goal of all time as a collision in front of the net caused everyone to keep playing except this crafty bastard who quickly potted the ball past a bunch of players who were just chillin. What an absurd 7-4 game. I don’t think Zisser will ever sub for anyone again and I’m going back to bringing my own drugs every week.

3rd – Barstool Man (1G, 1A, 1 Heater)
2nd – Neil (GWG, A)
1st – Guido (Hat Trick)

Hungry Hippos vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Dr Dangles Returns (1) (assisted by Meatbox) (9:50)
2nd Period:
GSH (1-1) – Angry Probert (9) (unassisted) (3:31)
GSH (2-1) – Darryl (2) (assisted by Uncle Glanzer) (6:40)
GSH (3-1) – Angry Probert (10) (assisted by Pags) (12:20)
3rd Period:
HIP (2-3) – Shelly (1) (PP) (assisted by Meatbox) (0:40)
GSH (4-2) – Pags (1) (assisted by Austin Lyons) (11:34)
HIP (3-4) – Yehuda (1) (assisted by Meatbox) (11:50)

GAME NOTES: This was a chippy game that made me hate my life for an hour. Two goals from Angry Probert, a sweet game winner from Pags, Shelly’s first goal in a while (which was a bank shot but still counts), Yehuda almost sending the game to OT – all exciting moments, but the return of Dr Dangles was my personal favorite. That and the final buzzer…Yehuda placed a pre-game bet on him to score more points than Glanzers entire family. Staring down the barrel of an embarrassing defeat and a life lesson for the ages, he scored with 1:10 left. It wasn’t enough to force OT but it did give him a push in the wagering department…the win incredibly pushes green, once languishing in the basement, all the way up to 4th place and out of the 6/7 play-in. They’ve certainly come a long way from the days when I thought their bench was going to erupt into an intrasquad battle royale. For the record, my money would be on Cherie…the Pags game winner video is fantastic not just for the hockey play but for Ramy revealing that while he’s watching hockey he has no idea what the hell the score is at any given time. Then again if I was a Wings fan I’d probably do the same.

3rd – The Meaty One (3A)
2nd – The Angry One (2G)
1st – The Pagsy One (GWG, 1A)

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