My Cup Size Is Stanley (-135)
The Goaldiggers (-105)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Notes: Cup Size and The Goaldiggers, two of the preseason favorites, roll into this game on slight skids. White has lost four in a row since a pair of wins over green early in the year while black has lost 2 of their last 3, hurt by lack of attendance and lack of ringers. Neither team has asked me for subs so I must assume everyone is in except Hogg who was confirmed out earlier this afternoon. Neil and Guido have given Probert, Mike T and the rest of the presumptive favorites the middle finger this season by leading the league in points with 12 each. Max is 2nd in GAA and will need Corey to give up a few goals to catch him…unless, of course, Corey doesn’t make any more games after tonight and fails to clear the 5 game threshold necessary to be eligible for the #1 goalie award. Lots of exciting storylines in this one. But as promised last week, these hockey previews are going to have to be cut short with the info that everyone really cares about, the type of attributes that really determines true athleticism, determination and winning time these days…
21 Cup Odds
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-140)
The Goaldiggers (EVEN)
If we’re making ideal 3 person co-ed rosters for each team with a minimum of one lady per size, I’m sorry to say these are easily two of the worst teams out there. Cup Size is rocking a roster of Ramy, Ariel and Jenn while The Goaldiggers go with Nico, Tarnow and Brett Cantor. Jenn is pretty solid – I mean she clearly has serious drinking problems and works at Barstool for christs sake, but Ariel doesn’t get to play much pong with two kids at home who’s drinking tolerances are just lame and with futures trading open all night he’s not even practicing his shot during the week (sad) while Ramy is severely hampered by not even knowing the score of the damn game. Meanwhile outside of Nico I’m not sure who on the Goaldiggers is playing beerpong at all; let’s give them Cantor who I saw do some savage things last week and Tarnow just because he’s the captain and deserves to feel the pain of this inevitable loss. Luck plays a role in beerpong but it would a true miracle for white to compete in the drinking arena so they better step up their hockey. Black to win by 3 cups.
Crimson Wave (-120)
Sex Panthers (-120)
Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)
Notes: After a blowout Friday night matchup that saw CWave finally play like the team many of us thought they’d be all season, the Panthers get a chance at revenge here. The wave will have a slightly short bench but have been gifted a lady sub for this one so Meg can play her natural position at forward. Moving her up and getting McQuade to show up were huge for the Wave last week and presumably Zisser can’t be too hungover at 7:30 on a Tuesday…can he? And speaking of the worlds worst beerpong player…
21 Cup Odds
Crimson Wave (-105)
Sex Panthers (-135)
Now this is a spicy matchup. The drinking game depth of Crimson Wave is very suspect and was already thoroughly trashed in last week’s team flip cup previews, but in a game which doesn’t necessarily require depth but just a solid top 3, the Wave is very strong. Meg would be starting on most teams but here she’s taking a seat to “FlipCutler” who also dabbles in beerpong and is part of the greatest dynasty since the Targaryens of Old Valyria. The team of SBJ, Sully and Andrea is formidable and could compete with most. But the Sex Panthers lineup is rife with drinking talent, exemplified in the brutal ass-kicking they took in hockey last week when pretty much the entire team was hungover at 7:00 on a Friday. While depth is the strong suit of this team, the 21 cup squad of myself, Kelsey and either Austin or Rockoff (let’s go with Austin because he is more likely to complain if he is left off) is going to do some serious work. If it was a full team battle royale this would be a beating but Wave’s top 3 deserves respect…just not enough to get the win here. I’m also going to dock them a few win percentage points on the off-chance Zisser somehow finagles his way into this game and brings his single digit shooting percentage to the table. Panthers win by 2 cups.
Spicy Tuna Rolls (-140)
Hungry Hippos (EVEN)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Notes: The 2nd game of a tense 3 game series commences tonight at 8:20 PM, the middle game of the night. Hicks has been doing his standard shit talk since 8:30 AM but is missing a few key defenders for this one in Seb, Solgon and Brad while Jack rocks a mostly full squad. In the first meeting of the season purple scored with less than 20 seconds left in a tie game to steal a late 4-3 win. Of course, they had a 1st round goalie sub for that one but Corey has been formidable in net and hasn’t given up more than two in any game. I think in this one, he probably will. Meatbox has been on record repeatedly since that first week saying that his team will still win the season series. A win here sends it to a pivotal game 3. Earlier in the year both captains requested that rather than giving out 3 standings points per game we just give the winner of the season series all 9 points at once. We will not be doing that insane move just yet but will be watching this contest closely nonetheless.
21 Cup Odds
Spicy Tuna Rolls (-145)
Hungry Hippos (+105)
Spicy Tuna Rolls are rolling out Jack and Annie for sure, Jack being The Godfather of the newly formed Thunderdome Beerpong Arena (formerly the poetically named Barrel Brauns Palace Of Pants-Shitting) and Annie being a secret ringer from her Tufts Field Hockey glory days. The third player on the squad could be any of a number of people…Florida State bro-vibe giver Kev, Mo, Jake who will tell you his camp rules are better than yours but his shot certainly isn’t, McCauley who drinks seemingly every day but may accidentally hit a water cup when he tries to bounce it, Rys who’s kind and gentle demeanor belie a true monster who loves nothing more than drinking Smirnoff Ices out of skateboard ramps…so many options for this team but for my money the 3rd on this team has to be Sena. That’s right, purple is rocking two girls on the team because if I know anything about the Tuna Rolls it’s that it’s always Ladies Night on 77th Street. The Hippos are getting screwed by attendance, as usual; Seb and Brad are both very strong beerpong players while Solgon likes alcohol so much she once tried to walk back to Manhattan from Sully’s childhood home deep in Brooklyn. But alas, none of them are available tonight. Wagner and Russo are bound to protest but this looks like it’s gotta be Skinny Braun, Meatbox and Sarahbox joining forces to whoop Jack’s ass, which they would all very much like to do. The problem is they have to get through Annie and Sena first and beerpong is actually the first game I’ve seen Jack play besides hockey that he’s actually pretty good at. I’m backing the Hippos as the underdog to pull the upset in the hockey game but purple’s abundance of experience, talent and X chromosomes will be too much for them in the Thunderdome. Tunas by 4 cups.
Green Street Hooligans (-105)
Sex Panthers (-135)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: Rematch of first game of season…Green was up 2-0 with 7 minutes left before blue staged a furious rally and scored the winner with a minute left…I’m getting tired and I’m pretty sure the same 6 people read these every week. About that time where we all agree to skip ahead? Great.
21 Cup Odds
Green Street Hooligans (+110)
Sex Panthers (-150)
I like a lot of the people on the Hooligans but man, are they bad at drinking games. Mr Probert is a classy man, a gentleman in many regards, and Charlotte is a great gal but man are they bad at beerpong. Their only hopes for victory lie in a ragtag motley crew: Mike Marron, selected because he’s a savage, Cherie, selected because she will play anything competitive, and Nephew Glanzer, selected because he’s the only player in the league who is still in college. While that may seem unimportant to some, the fact is he is very much in season. I’ve played 13-15 games of beerpong in the last two weeks and that feels like a ton; 20 year olds attending college in Florida can clear that in a single afternoon. He makes the roster by default and honestly is probably their top player. But it still won’t be enough. Sex Panthers by 5 cups. Mikey passes out in the corner and has to be carried home by Cherie and her pregnant wife. Not his proudest moment, but also not his least-proud one either.
The Goaldiggers (EVEN)
Crimson Wave (-140)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Notes: Final game of the evening…the west coast matchup…who the hell knows who will stay for this game, who will ref, who will play, who will watch. It’s 2:45, people need to gamble on these games and it’s almost power hour, as the boys of WallStreetBets call it, so let’s just move on to…
21 Cup Odds
The Goaldiggers (+120)
Crimson Wave (-160)
I hate to keep disrespecting Tarnow’s team because he’s a really nice guy but he is just really not prepared for the type of drinking that Sully, McQuade and Cutler are going to bring to the table here. Even if red gets ultra cocky and sits their A squad for this one to rest them for the playoffs (the type of dick move I would absolutely love to see at the 21 cup table), the B team coming off the bench of Meg, Reape and Adam Herman will still do work. Red’s second tier depth is actually better than I remembered – it’s only once you go one level deeper, Inception style, to the Sara-Zisser-Goose tier that things completely fall apart. Who knows, maybe Lerner or Guido or Nestor are secret beerpong ringers. Well, certainly not Nestor but possibly the other two. But I’m still not seeing it. Red wins this game by 6 cups and wins the hockey game by two goals. Everyone practice hard for the inaugural D5 21 Cup Tournament, coming this summer to a patio near you.