Sex Panthers (-135)
Crimson Wave (-105)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: Crimson Wave looks to get their first win of the season tonight as they face a somewhat depleted Sex Panthers squad but considering it’s Friday night and this league is populated by monsters, pretty much everyone has roster issues. As of the time of this writing Austin is seeing a doctor and is questionable for the evening with an outside chance of missing the rest of the season. This is an absolutely crushing blow to blue’s chances of winning tonight and to my friendship with Waldman to whom I’ve been promising all sorts of AK goals for the entire season, especially that painful first month when we were dressing the sub brigade every single game. Waldman vs Zisser is going to be an exciting goalie battle; Zisser was drafted higher but inside sources tell me he was up til 2:30 last night doing all sorts of illicit activities. Ok, the inside source is me because I was there and I witnessed it and I’d have to imagine his reflexes are not going to be up to par tonight. Bad news for Meg who is taking the team jet back from her weeklong sojourn in Maine to make tonight’s doubleheader and try to jumpstart her team to make a late push for a top 5 seed.
Team Flipcup Odds
Crimson Wave (+120)
Sex Panthers (-160)
Wave may have a good chance to win the hockey game tonight but they are badly outmatched when it comes to flipcup. Andrea is a ringer, sure, McQuade is so spastic it somehow works for him in flipcup and Meg/Sully are solid but I don’t see this team having the depth to compete. Also hurts that Zisser, for being a solid athlete and a very experienced boozer, is one of the worst drinking game players in modern history. I’ve never seen Waldman flip a cup but I’m giving him the edge in the goalie battle. Meanwhile blue’s top of lineup of Alex, Austin, Rockoff, Kelsey and DRo speaks for itself while Ryann and Dana seem to have drinking problems of their own and can give good minutes off the bench. I’ve never seen Davis play but considering he’s 22, newly single and has groupies who crash BTSH games to cheer for him, I’m betting he knows what’s up. Sorry Meg but you are overmatched. Next time draft more alcoholics. For your viewing pleasure here’s a video of me at age 18 dressed in a grass skirt and coconut bra. Truly magnificent.
Spicy Tuna Rolls (-140)
The Goaldiggers (EVEN)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: White will be without the services of Burns, Nate, Cantor, Evan and Meehan while Jack, who drafted a goalie in round 10, once again is gifted a 1st round goalie. To make up for this crime against humanity Shelly will be subbing for the white team. The agreement was that Shelly must play as a dude except if white pulls the goalie; apparently once the goalie is pulled, Shelly becomes a woman. I guess my grasp of biology was more tenuous than I imagined. It’s also worth noting that the UES Cup, which was supposed to be the trophy for the Jack/Meg matchup, is somehow on the line in this matchup. Apparently it’s a challenge cup now and any captain who lives north of 59th and east of 5th is eligible. Also worth noting is that the winning team gets to choose two players from the losing team to funnel a 24 oz beer. What the hell is this league.
Team Flipcup Odds
Spicy Tuna Rolls (-200)
The Goaldiggers (+160)
Once again we have a situation where the hockey game is expected to be a competitive and spirited affair but the flipcup game is just a blowout. Purple has a bunch of people who should honestly be in prison led by Jack, Sena and Mike Warren who will flip the cup or flip the entire table in the time it takes you to say “Warren-smash.” I’ve never seen Kev play flipcup but he seems to enjoy the occasional blackout. I know for a fact McCauley blacks out on a daily basis. Jake and Mo are better at flipcup than you’d imagine and I have to think Annie and Vanessa are secret ringers; those field hockey chicks always drink more than you’d expect. Meanwhile the Goaldiggers are really nice people and hence they have no chance in this type of game. I’ve never seen any of them play but Guido & Tarnow seem way too nice to compete in this type of event, and I’ve seen Shelly play many times and let’s just say there’s a reason she was in the Olympics for hockey and not drinking. The UES Cup could go either way but the flipcup crown in this one resides comfortably in the Tuna corner.
Crimson Wave (-110)
Hungry Hippos (-130)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: The Josis will be amped up and they will need to put the team on their back with Liz, Solgon, Seb, Russo, Ben and Yehuda let the dogs out missing for this one. Honestly though is anyone even reading these game previews? Should we just save everyone some time and skip directly to…
Team Flipcup Odds
Crimson Wave (-120)
Hungry Hippos (-120)
I’m pretty damn lazy considering my stomach feels like the War of 1812 right now but I actually do see the flipcup odds being a complete toss-up. I have already disrespected red’s flipcup team in the earlier preview but that’s because they were facing the legendary Sex Panthers but facing Team Meatbox, they have a great chance to pull the victory. The Hippos have some flipcup talent but I’m fairly certain that their best player is Seb and he’s out for this one. Russo, Solgon and Liz give off solid flipcup vibes but they’re all out of action as well so yellow is left with the lineup of Hicks, Braun, Shelly and Dave GDR…good group of people, good group of hockey players, but not inspiring any sort of confidence on the table whatsoever. The fact that games may take place in Braun’s abandoned bedroom give him some type of home ice advantage but there are limits to what his incredible weight loss can achieve. It has certainly improved his hockey but it’s also partially come due to a severe downturn in his alcohol frequency. Barrel Braun was a savage and I wouldn’t put anything past him, including shitting his pants in his own living room (this actually happened). Skinny Braun is a better ball hockey player but scares absolutely no one at the flipcup table. And we’ve already disrespected Shelly enough in the previous preview. I’m going to say this would be a toss-up with the top of red’s lineup of McQuade/Cutler/Meg/Sully having enough juice to will their team to victory. Let’s see if they can do it in hockey too.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)
Green Street Hooligans (-120)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)
Notes: Each team has like 5 rostered players showing up for this game. I honestly have no idea why Jenn and Ben rescheduled their game for this night but hey, it’s on the schedule and we will play it. Players will be free agents that I am waiting to hear from and a strong possibility of picking people out of the stands. What other league is giving spectators the opportunity of a lifetime to come down from the stands and join the action? Can you imagine if NHL teams did this? Would be sick. Anyways, onto the important stuff…
Team Flipcup Odds
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-120)
Green Street Hooligans (-120)
Considering we have no idea who the hell is showing up tonight we are going to look at full rosters and boy, is this one a doozy. Green’s got Probert, Charlotte, Cherie and the Poutine duo of Pags/Mikey giving it a high ceiling with deLacy one of the better projected goalies at the game so long as he doesn’t murder someone first. But the bottom of the lineup leaves a lot to be desired; while nephew glanzer is in college and presumably in season, I don’t think Rich or Darryl have played flipcup since the Bush administration (and I’m talking about Bush Sr). Cup Size is captained by Jenn who everyone knows has severe issues, Ariel is decent enough, Ramy claims to be an avid player and they’ve got a guy who works at barstool on the roster who rolled up to the game last week ripping heaters…but I have my doubts that Hogg and Tash are playing any flipcup in their time away from the rink. Middle of the lineup players like Courtney and Joel will have to step up their game for black to have a chance to put away Probert, Cherie and the Poutine crew. But since neither team is even really showing up tonight this is all hypothetical until we convene these games at a future date.
Good luck to everyone tonight both in hockey and the debauchery that is sure to follow. Next week: 21 Cup previews. Somewhere Emily Barbour is suddenly really regretting not registering for the spring season.