Weeks 7-9 Box Scores (Spring 2022)

Green Street Hooligans vs Mavericks

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Westley (7) (assisted by Probie) (10:51)
MAV (1-1) – Jason Campbell (6) (unassisted) (11:36)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-1) – Amit (4) (unassisted) (0:29)
GSH (3-1) – Nate (1) (unassisted) (2:15)
MAV (2-3) – Ryann (3) (assisted by Paul Chester) (11:55)
3rd Period:
GSH (4-2) – Westley (8) (assisted by The Dane Train) (3:23)

GAME NOTES: A spirited first game of the night that turned into the only game of the night once people started eating shit all over the court…Westley continued his scoring pace with two more goals to elevate him to top 3 in goal scoring and top 5 in points. He even has more points than 1st round mainstay and confirmed sexist Probert who is working on a rebrand of his own where he picks up assists to make up for that absurd stretch where he didn’t have one for a year and a half..the Mavericks kept this one close but just couldn’t close the gap. Hooligans held on for a tight 4-2 win…game was stopped midway through as a rainstorm passed through, then play resumed with court still slightly wet. The hope was that it would improve by the end of this game but after a parade of falls and reports that the court wasn’t improving at all, the rest of the night was postponed. Le sad.

3rd – Ryann (1G)
2nd – Nate Lerner (GWG)
1st – Westley (2G)

Mavericks vs The Goaldiggers

1st Period:
DIG (1-0) – Tarnow (2) (assisted by Zach Weiner) (1:15)
DIG (2-0) – Jordan Torti (1) (assisted by Miles) (6:20)
MAV (1-2) – Tom White (2) (unassisted) (11:00)
2nd Period:
DIG (3-1) – Guido (8) (assisted by Tarnow) (12:00)
MAV (2-3) – Tom White (3) (assisted by Jason Campbell) (14:50)
3rd Period:
DIG (4-2) – Guido (9) (EN) (unassisted) (14:24)

GAME NOTES: The Mavericks finally got Ludwig back in the lineup for his 2nd game of the season and for long stretches of this game they outplayed the Goaldiggers. Sadly it wasn’t quite enough to get them the win as despite two goals by Tom White (surprise contender for this season’s Brian Leetch Award), Hogg made some incredible saves and the Goaldiggers would hang on for a 4-2 victory to keep them in 1st place.

3rd – Guido (2G)
2nd – Tom White (2G)
1st – Hogg (2 GA)

Hungry Hippos vs East River Kraken

1st Period:
KRAK (1-0) – Henry (1) (assisted by Ellie) (5:00)
HIP (1-1) – Eli (1) (assisted by Jared Thompson) (14:36)
2nd Period:
HIP (2-1) – Chris Fullam (1) (unassisted) (3:37)
KRAK (2-2) – Casca (1) (unassisted) (2:15)
3rd Period:
HIP (3-2) – Will Gill (2) (assisted by Meatbox) (8:21)
KRAK (3-3) – Sam Gelman (1) (unassisted) (12:00)
KRAK (4-3) – Ellie (1) (unassisted) (3:01)

GAME NOTES: The first 4v4 game of the season as both teams were severely short players. Hippos had about 8 while Kraken required a couple subs to get them up to that threshold…despite being 4 on 4, the sportsbook had this game pegged as an under candidate and it was as both teams had trouble scoring despite ample chances and open ice. The Hippos picked up a late lead with 6:39 left in the game and looked poised to close this one out but free agent Sam tied the game with 3 minutes left and free agent Ellie, on loan from blue, scored the winner in OT on pretty much the same exact move she used in her first D5 game last season.

3rd – Eli (1G)
2nd – Henry (1G)
1st – Ellie (GWG, A)

The Grapes vs Mavericks

1st Period:
GRP (1-0) – Steve Rys (2) (unassisted) (10:44)
MAV (1-1) – Tom White (4) (unassisted) (14:55)
2nd Period:
MAV (2-1) – Jason Campbell (7) (unassisted) (13:52)
3rd Period:
MAV (3-1) – Sam Marton (4) (unassisted) (0:15)
MAV (4-1) – Ryann (4) (assisted by Malik) (4:51)
MAV (5-1) – Tarnow (4) (assisted by Ryann) (6:03)
GRP (2-5) – AK (8) (unassisted) (8:50)

GAME NOTES: The Grapes were the first team to pick a goalie in this year’s draft so they had their choice of any league goalie for a sub. Naturally, they immediately skipped over all of them and went right to Jeff Oberg who has never played goal in his life…Jeff actually got out to a good start and made some nice saves to deny the Mavericks in the 1st but the Mavericks took the game over with 4 goals in a 7:11 of game action to break the game open from a 1-1 tie to a 5-1 lead, then hung on for the 5-2 win…an already kind-of-drunk Tarnow was approved to sub for red on condition that he shotgun a beer before each period. Needless to say, he was pretty hammered by the end of the game although that didn’t stop him from scoring red’s 5th goal…the win was the Mavericks’ first one of the season and moved them up to 8th in the standings, a crucial victory as 9th place this season misses the playoffs.

3rd – Sam Marton (GWG)
2nd – Eric Phelps (2 GA)
1st – Ryann (1G, 1A)

Originally scheduled week 9 was all set to go with puck drop imminent before a sudden rain storm hit, as it’s been known to do on Tuesdays. Games were postponed. Tarnow was sad.

My Cup Size Is Stanley vs East River Kraken

1st Period:
KRAK (1-0) – Jared (4) (assisted by Dan T) (1:27)
CUP (1-1) – Jeff Oberg (1) (unassisted) (5:24)
KRAK (2-1) – Cat Tremble (1) (assisted by Jared) (9:08)
KRAK (3-1) – Sam Gelman (2) (assisted by Lily) (11:02)
KRAK (4-1) – Dan Burns (1) (assisted by Davis) (13:52)
2nd Period:
KRAK (5-1) – Braun (2) (assisted by Danilo) (14:49)
3rd Period:
CUP (2-5) – Jeff Oberg (2) (assisted by Shelly) (0:10)
KRAK (6-2) – Jared (5) (assisted by Dan T) (1:27)
KRAK (7-2) – Braun (3) (assisted by Jared) (3:07)
CUP (3-7) – Jeff Oberg (3) (unassisted) (11:55)
CUP (4-7) – Metz (3) (assisted by Shelly) (13:01)

GAME NOTES: Our second attempt at week 9 was thankfully a successful one as this is quickly risking becoming a Friday league…4v4 is back in a big way as rather than giving each team multiple subs we just went with 4 per side. Unlike last week’s Kraken/Hippos game though, this one was a total goalfest as the tams combined for five tallies each in the 1st and 3rd periods en route to a 7-4 Kraken victory…Jeff Oberg put up his first three goals of the season, his first career D5 hat trick and his first career breaking a guys glasses with his elbow infraction, although he did not receive a penalty for it. I assure you that the ref just missed it and, in fact, elbowing someone in the face is not a legal move in this league…Jared and Braun lead the Kraken in points with six each. Next on the list is Ramy with four even though he’s only played two games and is more interested in his role as a player agent these days…after the game an unnamed Cup Size player informed me that Kraken only won because they had Dan Burns. When I told them that they lost by three and Burns only had one point, they were shocked as this was apparently the general feeling on their bench. Let this be a lesson in how quickly disinformation spreads.

3rd – Braun (2G)
2nd – Jeff Oberg (3G, 1 Elbow)
1st – Jared (2G, 1A)

Royals vs The Blue Balls Of Sex

1st Period:
SEX (1-0) – Sig (3) (assisted by Ellie) (2:31)
SEX (2-0) – Campbell (1) (assisted by Ellie) (3:28)
ROY (1-2) – Rob Meehan (1) (assisted by Meg) (7:52)
2nd Period:
SEX (3-1) – Alex (2) (assisted by Sig) (0:27)
ROY (2-3) – Meg (3) (assisted by Russo) (4:07)
SEX (4-2) – Sully (2) (assisted by Campbell) (5:38)
ROY (3-4) – Meg (4) (unassisted) (10:27)
ROY (4-4) – Meg (5) (unassisted) (12:57)
3rd Period:
SEX (5-4) – Sig (4) (assisted by Sully) (0:10)
SEX (6-4) – Campbell (2) (assisted by Ellie) (1:27)
SEX (7-4) – Sully (3) (assisted by Ellie) (3:07)
SEX (8-4) – Caitlin (1) (assisted by Sig) (11:55)

GAME NOTES: Our second 4v4 matchup of the evening was another high scoring affair. It was truly ladies night at D5 as Meg picked up three goals and an assist while Ellie tied a league record with four assists in a game and Caitlin picked up her first goal of the season. If Annie wasn’t on the IR she would have no doubt been loving the Ladies Night situation…to be fair though, Meg’s 2nd goal only went in because the ball was sitting in the crease and Sig decided to kick it in the blue net. Someone actually asked me why the goal counted because you can’t kick the ball in and I had to explain that rule only applies to when you kick it into your opponent’s net…before the game Campbell advised the blue team to test the Jackuum’s lateral movement, then showed everyone how it was done with the Instagram Goal Of The Week…despite a slow start to the season and only four games played, with two goals and two assists in this one Sig is now tied for the lead in the defense scoring race…this was Meg/Sullys last game against each other which Meg felt was a historic moment despite the fact that they haven’t actually played against each other since 2019, being on the same team for the Spring 2021 and Summer/Fall 2021 seasons (both of which resulted in championships). Meg picked up the aforementioned hat trick and an assist while Sully came through with two goals and an assist for the blue team that he named this season, very possibly while high.

3rd – Ellie (4A)
2nd – Sig (2G, 2A)
1st – Meg (3G, 1A)


Mavericks vs My Cup Size Is Stanley

1st Period:
MAV (1-0) – Jack (1) (assisted by Malik) (10:02)
2nd Period:
MAV (2-0) – Jack (2) (assisted by Malik) (2:01)
MAV (3-0) – Ryann (5) (assisted by Malik) (5:43)
CUP (1-3) – Cherie (4) (assisted by SBJ) (14:48)
3rd Period:
CUP (2-3) – Jeff Oberg (4) (PP) (assisted by Cherie) (3:25)
CUP (3-3) – Cherie (5) (assisted by SBJ) (6:01)
CUP (4-3) – Jeff Oberg (5) (assisted by Shelly) (8:09)
MAV (4-4) – Malik (1) (assisted by Ryann) (8:46)
CUP (5-4) – SBJ (1) (assisted by Brendan Miles) (0:22)

GAME NOTES: An absolute thriller in one of the biggest games of the season. With both teams fighting for the last playoff spot, they delivered an instant classic…McQuade was in town for this one and in an attempt to get him in a game (and to get Jack to sub in goal for the previous matchup), a deal was brokered whereby one team would get Jack and one team would get James to even it out. Both ringers delivered with a combined five points on the evening. McQuade also promised he just wanted to run a bit and wouldn’t maul anyone although that was proven false approximately 7 seconds into his first shift…the Jack/Ryann/Malik unit was buzzing in the first half of the game accounting for all three goals scored in the match. Makes you wonder how good the Mavericks would be if their own Jack had been showing up this whole time…Cherie picked up a huge goal with just 12 seconds left in the 2nd to send black into the intermission with some momentum and it was a completely different Cup Size team that came out for the 3rd as they scored three straight goals to take the lead and force red to take a timeout…not to be outdone, immediately coming out of the timeout Malik converted a feed from Ryann for an excellent top corner slapshot to tie the game at 4. Both teams had chances to end the game in regulation but goalies were stellar…I was all set for a long, back-and-forth OT but just 22 seconds in Brendan was able to get the ball through to a mysteriously wide-open McQuade who buried it to give black an electric come-from-behind victory. They remain one point back of the Mavericks heading into Week 10 with both teams having played the same # of games and Corey set to make his return, although red does hold the tiebreaker.

3rd – Cherie (2G, 1A)
2nd – Malik (1G, 3A)
1st – SBJ (GWG, 2A)

Green Street Hooligans vs The Goaldiggers

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Westley (9) (unassisted) (1:51)
DIG (1-1) – Tash (3) (assisted by Adam Satok) (9:38)
DIG (2-1) – Guido (10) (assisted by Tarnow) (13:44)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-2) – Totis (2) (assisted by Glanzer) (1:38)
DIG (3-2) – Andreas (1) (assisted by Guido) (3:04)
GSH (3-3) – Westley (10) (assisted by Totis) (7:22)
3rd Period:
GSH (4-3) – Amit (5) (assisted by Amanda) (5:10)
DIG (4-4) – Tarnow (3) (unassisted) (9:04)
DIG (5-4) – Guido (11) (PP) (assisted by Adam Satok) (1:54)

GAME NOTES: A showdown between the top two teams in the standings capped off what must be the highest scoring night in league history. I haven’t fact checked it yet and there’s a chance one of the five game nights edged it but, aided by two 4v4 matchups, 41 goals in 4 games is going to be a tough mark to beat…both teams were missing key players in this one with Miles (3rd in the scoring race) out for white while Probie/Charlotte (dropping acid at a wedding) were out for green. Both teams also played without their starting goalies as Chris B subbed for the Goaldiggers while Dave GDR played his 3rd game of the night for the Hooligans…this game was tight throughout and featured multiple lead changes, near misses and quality goaltending. As much as it pains me to say it, this was probably Glanzer’s finest coaching performance of the season…unfortunately, it was not quite enough as just a few minutes after Amit put the Hooligans ahead 4-3, Tarnow was able to tie the score by doing something no one expected him to: take a shot on goal rather than looking for Guido. In the OT, Jeff Oberg called Otis for a controversial penalty when he tossed an aggressively forechecking Liz off of him. To be fair, I know Liz and I know she definitely enjoyed it but the penalty call seems fair on replay. The Goaldiggers scored immediately on the power-play to solidify their hold on first place and lead Rich to give Jeff the same berating that Jeff had given him just an hour earlier in the evening. Time is a flat circle…the irony of the penalty call is before the game, Jeff had placed a wager on Westley to scored more points than Guido in the contest. That call and subsequent Guido goal lost the bet for him. I never thought I’d say this but I guess Horny Jeff has integrity…the Hooligans can still claim 1st place as they have a game in hand on the Goaldiggers but will need some help from other teams. By taking the game to OT, both teams clinched a playoff spot in this one. No word on if they’re resting starters or anything.

3rd – Tarnow (1G, 1A)
2nd – Westley (2G)
1st – Guido (2G, 1A)

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