Week 11 Betting Lines (Spring 2022)

Mavericks (-140)
Royals (EVEN)
Over 8.0 (-120)
Under 8.0 (-120)

Notes: This game begins a mini-tournament for playoff seeding as the Mavericks, Royals and Kraken all play each other in rapid succession to kick off week 11. The winner of this game is a near-lock to make the playoffs while the loser is officially in the danger zone. I’m quite surprised the Royals are in this position as the league sportsbook had them installed as opening co-favorites but they have lost 4 in a row and will likely be missing their 1st rounder for the rest of the season. An absolutely brutal break for a promising team but they are still very much in the driver’s seat to clinch a playoff spot and could easily make some noise if everyone shows up strong and goes full Ewing Theory ala Probert’s team every time he misses a game.. The Mavericks meanwhile, despite a slow start to the season, are only one point back of the Royals and, with two regulation wins and a bit of luck tonight, can climb as high as 5th by the end of the evening. Casca will be subbing for Eric and Ludwig is a GTD as usual but they will have Jason, Ryann and Malik in along with Dan Burns, newly added to the roster in place of their missing 3rd round pick Jack R and Cat Tremble becoming the latest league member to switch to a badass bent Elevate stick. I’m expecting a fast-paced game with minimal play in the neutral zone, the way red likes it, and a total that despite two strong goalies likely hits the over.
Les Miserables Song This Game Reminds Me Of: The Confrontation. It’s literally a confrontation between two teams fighting the the playoffs. No need to overthink it. Also sometimes after a few drinks Scotty likes to make me do the confrontation with him because I know the words to both parts and am bad at singing. Win/win for him but don’t even try to make us do it tonight.
Best Line From Song:
Dare you talk to me of crime, and the price you had to pay
Every man is born in sin; every man must choose his way

Royals (+135)
East River Kraken (-175)
Over 9.0 (-130)
Under 9.0 (-110)

Notes: Immediately following their Confrontation with the Mavs the Royals will play their 2nd game of the night against the East River Kraken who it seems may actually be rocking a full lineup for the first time all season. How much of that was due to the team’s momentum the past month (last week’s 10-0 beatdown not withstanding) and how much was due to my promise to bring back the scorer’s box TV for the many tortured Leafs fans on the roster, who can say (actually, Braun says that helped a ton). But this game seems to be a tale of two teams heading in opposite directions: the Royals are trying to steady the ship while the Kraken are picking up steam and now will actually have their roster coming for this game. I wouldn’t bet against them, even if I do love many players on the Royals, even the ones who make me sing against my will.
Les Miserables Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: Lovely Ladies. Meg and Lily both played hockey at Colby and are pretty damn good. Meg’s won the ladies’ scoring title three seasons in a row (and likely about to be a 4th with an implied sportsbook odds of 74%) while the Kraken are 2-1 in games where Lily plays and 1-3 without her. She’s not putting up huge points like Meg but her advanced stats are simply top notch and she makes the Kraken a much tougher team to play against. It should be noted that I do not think Meg or Lily are 19th century French Prostitutes but this song seemed appropriate, especially since for the first 15 years of listening to this song I missed the sarcasm and thought it was actually about some lovely ladies hanging out in the park. Oh to be young and naive again.

Best Line:
Poor men, rich men, leaders of the land
See them with their trousers off, they’re never quite as grand

East River Kraken (-140)
Mavericks (EVEN)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)

Notes: Both teams will play their second game of the night and rosters should remain pretty much the same except that Lily is more likely to make this one and Burns less likely to do so. That swings the odds slightly more in favor of Kraken than they were already but not by a ton. Casca, currently #2 in the GAA race, will face a stiff test here against a motivated Kraken team while the Mavericks will look to lock up a playoff spot, which they can do with two regulation wins on the evening. Jenn will be watching with dismay from the scorer’s box but if they bring their A game, this should be a competitive and exciting matchup where I will once again be taking the over which makes sense considering I played both these teams this season and there were 24 combined goals in the two games. Party time.
Les Miserables Song This Game Reminds Me Of: At The End Of The Day. My personal dark horse pick for best song on the entire soundtrack, this song opens the post-initial time jump sequence and shows the horrific working conditions of the French peasants. Les Miserables was originally written by Victor Hugo as The Wire or The Jungle of its time, showing sympathy for the lack of upward mobility of the time. Both these teams can clinch playoff spots tonight and this game will prove pivotal towards seeding. Hopefully they both end the night in better shape than poor 19th century Fantine who gets totally shafted by her co-workers over some petty gossip and by her boss over her refusal to sleep with him. Some things never change.

Best Line:
You play a virgin in the light
But need no urging in the night

Hungry Hippos (+140)
The Goaldiggers (-200)
Over 7.5 (-140)
Under 7.5 (EVEN)

Notes: In a matchup between two of the largest goalies in the league, Hogg and the 1st place Goaldiggers will battle AJ and the Hippos. Both Ben Bishops have been extraordinary so far this season and there’s a good reason these teams are 1st and 3rd in the standings. The advanced stats certainly favor white: a big advantage in puck possession and a +24 goal differential vs +6 for the Hippos. Two big questions for the Goaldiggers will be if they can maintain the same level of focus/desperation that lower teams in the standings will be bringing to every matchup and how they will handle the loss of Miles, currently 4th in the scoring race, when he heads to Switzerland next week, presumably for the duration of the D5 playoffs or everyone will riot. I think the Goaldiggers have to be favored in this one, especially with Jaimie missing the past month of action for yellow, but it wouldn’t surprise me if AJ but the team on his back for this one. Maybe the under is the safest play, even at 7.5 goals.
Les Miserables Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: I Dreamed A Dream. Meatbox has not yet been driven to prostitution to fulfill his life goals but he has long dreamed of winning a ball hockey championship. To be the best, you’ve got to beat the best and the Goaldiggers have thus far been the class of the league. A victory here would do a lot of Hippo morale heading into their season finale on Friday night. Also was tough to leave out the Anne Hathaway movie rendition that won her an Oscar but Susan Boyle’s legendary turn remains #1 for me. High fives to all three Les Mis fans reading this.

Best Line:
But the tigers come at night” (god how I wish one of these teams was called the Tigers)

The Grapes (-120)
The Blue Balls Of Sex (-120)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)

Notes: In a west coast game that Max requested, 4th place blue takes on 5th place purple with a ton of playoff implications on the line. A blue regulation win coupled with a Hippos regulation loss would put blue in 3rd with a game in hand while a purple regulation win would move them up from 5th to 4th which is huge as it means they can avoid the opening round playoff matchup. Unfortunately purple will be missing a few ladies while blue won’t have Kelsey and will only have like 5 or 6 rostered guys in the lineup. Has it really taken this long in the previews to get to subs? Thankfully it’s the most stress-free week sub-wise of the season with no teams asking for any but 10:30 subs are always tricky so good chance this gets annoying. As for the hockey, I’m expecting a good clean game, a faceoff between a vet (Max) and rookie (Jacob) goalie who are both alumni of the yeshiva hockey circuit and ultimately a close game that probably goes to OT and probably ends up hitting the over. Both blue/purple games last year featured 13 goals and I’m expecting further sexiness tonight.
Les Miserables Song This Game Vaguely Reminds Me Of: Master Of The House. It was tempting to go with Castle On A Could here, mostly because I legit think the girl who sings it could pass for Jack’s daughter, but Master Of The House is too good in light of the Grapes being Patio Team 2.0 and the patio being pretty similar to the Thenardiers’ super shady inn. You roll in full of hope, thinking you’ll have a few drinks and some good times, you roll out 10 hours later confused without pants wondering where all your money went (hint: Drizly) and where the hookers came from (hint: Stumble). A longtime favorite of George Costanza and Elaine’s crazy dad, Alton Benes (who was apparently as unhinged offscreen as on), Master Of The House was the easy choice for this one as it relates to a tee. Well, except the part at the 4 minute mark where she insinuates Mr Thenardier has a small penis. That clearly has nothing to do with this matchup whatsoever.

Best Line:
They fly through my doors
And they crawl out on all fours”

Note: Some of you may be asking why every song is from the 1st half of the show, with most of it being first hour. The answer is simple: the 1st half is significantly better and don’t listen to anything that 2nd half truthers will tell you as they are sadly mistaken.

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