Pink Lemonade (-155)
MelRose Place (+115)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)
Notes: Both teams are shorthanded which is going to be difficult on the final day of what has truly been a brutal heatwave. MelRose is projected to have DRo, Pags, Shan, Tom, Tyler, Zach, Tash, Amanda (subbing in) and Zisser from their roster while Lemonade has Avery, Stabel, Andreas, Sanchick, Justin, Stern, Cherie, Ellexa and Dan in net. Both teams could prob use a guy sub unless they agree to go 4v4. 6:15 games are always tricky with subs and heatfest coupled with possible rainfest have not made things any easier for your favorite Russian Jew (aka me). Ariel’s crypto buddy and Yehuda will probably find their way into this game, no idea who else will. I’m betting on pink to keep their win streak going and pick up the W. No idea on over/under, hot games could go either way.
Hungry Hippos (+165)
Julie’s Football Club (-225)
Over 3.5 (-120)
Under 3.5 (-120)
Notes: The first and last games of the night are regular games; the middle four, starting with this one, are minis. This season’s Hippos are tough to figure out: on the one hand they’re the only team to beat the rockets in regulation (even though all their goals that game were scored by a sub) and have generally looked solid. On the other hand they’ve lost two in a row to teams below them in the standings, are last in goals scored and Braun might be out for the season either due to injury or general cowardice. Meanwhile the Football Club are currently firing on all cylinders, having barely lost to the Rockets on Thursday before winning a spirited battle against the Walleyes. I’ve been told they’re rocking a basically full roster tonight; thus I have no choice but to bet the house on orange to take this one down.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-135) (EVEN)
Hungry Hippos (-105) (-140)
Over 3.5 (-130)
Under 3.5 (-110)
Notes: Cup Size has 3 wins on the season: two in minigames against likely play-in teams and one more in a Friday night game where they were allowed to use Tash as a sub even though she was the top lady drafted this season. It’s been a tough season in boobland but with Braun out and Cutler a GTD for yellow with what Hicks has teamed “diahetes” while black has basically a full roster showing up, they have a very good chance to get the W here. I’m not brave enough to bet it, but it’s there for the taking. UPDATE: Jeff is now out and Simon is doubtful, assuming you believe Jenn’s roster reporting. Line moving back towards the Hippos.
Julie’s Football Club (-185)
Green Street Hooligans (+140)
Over 3.5 (-120)
Under 3.5 (-120)
Notes: Part I of the first ever same-day doubleheader between two teams. Green is missing Sam and Russo, two of their top players, and will probably need a sub as they have two minis and a regular game tonight. Technically that’s just like having a normal doubleheader but anyone who’s played in a mini lately knows they feel much more intense than a simple half-game. With Sam and Russo, orange would be favored by a bit. Without them, they are favored by a lot.
Julie’s Football Club (-175)
Green Street Hooligans (+130)
Over 3.0 (-130)
Under 3.0 (-105)
Notes: Orange favored by slightly less in the 2nd game because their goalie will have played an extra half-game as opposed to green’s and maybe Probert will get angry between games. But the result is likely the same: an orange win and (should they sweep tonight), the chance to be in 2nd place by the end of the night.
Green Street Hooligans (+135)
SexAzul Tension (-180)
Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)
Notes: 2014 was by most measures (or at least the ones I care about) an awesome year. Game of Thrones was still bringing the goods every week, probably due to the fact that they were adapting the 2nd half of Storm of Swords, by far the best of the ASOIAF books. The Rangers were on their way to the Cup Finals. I was working in real estate, guest blogging in my spare time and dating an insane Russian girl who once poured an entire bottle of champagne on me at Avenue for no good reason whatsoever. Meanwhile, and perhaps most pertinently for this preview for some reason, Lorde was at the top of the charts with Royals. Who the hell knows what’s happened to Lorde since then (except the possibility she turned into Randy Marsh from South Park) but that song came on at this insane 70s bar I went to Friday where one minute it’s a normal bar and next thing you know theres like four waitresses in stockings dancing on the bar and it got me thinking: which of the four groups of three she envisions rich people having are the most exciting? Since I can’t really bear to write another preview for a game that might not happen but I don’t want you to have to focus on actual work…why not
Gold Teeth, Grey Goose, Trippin In The Bathroom: Grey Goose is slightly overrated as a top tier vodka but it is still excellent. Tripping in the bathroom could refer to hallucinogens or being so hammered you fall over; debatable which one is preferable. Meanwhile I haven’t seen a single white guy pull off gold teeth aside from possibly Joe Pesci in Home Alone. Honestly, this group is kind of a dud. 3/10, solely out of respect for vodka.
Bloodstains, Ball Gowns, Trashin The Hotel Room: As anyone who was in Buffalo a few weeks ago will tell you I have no problem with a proper trashing of a hotel room or rental home (note: this is not an admission of guilt). As long as you don’t have to pay $2k in damages the next day, it can be a rollicking good time. Sadly I’ve never worn a ball gown but if properly tailored I think it would probably really elevate an ensemble. Bloodstains are a little ominous though and really drag the rest of this category down. Even if it’s a byproduct of the aforementioned hotel room trashing, best to avoid. 2/10, solely out of respect for property damage.
Cristal, Maybach, Diamonds On Your Timepiece: Now we’re talking. If Grey Goose is slightly overrated, Cristal is very overrated in the luxury champagne tier but it’s still a delightful refreshment to sprinkle in a long night of vicious clubbing. Maybachs are insane and if I ever make a rap video they will be prominently featured. As for diamonds on your timepiece – not sure I can pull them off but their baller quotient is simply undeniable. 9/10.
Jet Planes, Islands, Tigers On A Gold Leash: Things have really escalated from 5 minutes ago when I was debating whether there was any way to spin bloodstains as positive. Jet planes and islands – I mean who could possibly argue against these? Absolutely excellent and if that was the end of the category it would be an easy winner. But tigers on a gold leash…that is a fairly low ceiling (fun to have as a pet) with a subterranean floor (tiger mauls you while you’re eating breakfast). I guess the question is whether you’d have the guaranteed financial security of owning a Maybach (generally several hundred thousand dollars) and diamonds on your watch or the exciting adventures of traveling on private jets to various islands, but with the possible downside of being mauled by a tiger. Gotta risk it for the biscuit, I’m giving this one a 9.5/10 and declaring it the champion. Very nice. Also not sure what either team will look like by the time this game happens as Wes has not responded to my emails this week. If he rolls up to the rink in a Maybach with Cristal, all will be forgiven.
