*All betting lines for entertainment purposes only
District Five Championship
I Just Blue Myself (+280)
The Narwhals (+320)
MelRose Place (+320)
Hungry Hippos 2.0 (+320)
Chili Peppers (+370)
Julie’s Football Club (+425)
Green Street Hooligans (+425)
Medium Rare (+825)
Shooting Blancs (+1000)
COMMENTS: Blue opened the season as the presumptive favorite; two games in and a +8 goal differential later, nothing has really changed in that regard. The Narwhals have started hotter than expected and make a much deserved climb up the rankings. MelRose lost a tough opener to purple off a crazy last season goal from Jack behind his own net but looked dominant in dispatching white on Tuesday. Then again, white is projected to be at the bottom after word has leaked that McCauley might be out for the season. Black has lost two games this season to green and purple; their projection is still strong due to a solid roster, the steal of the draft in Abby and elite goaltending, but lack of team speed may doom them come playoff time. Orange and green, from the day of the draft, looked like the same exact team to me in terms of overall skill and I expect them to battle it out in the middle of the pack all season with serious dark horse potential in the playoffs depending on health and attendance. Red is just biding its time until Sam comes back and, in the words of Adam Herman, “pulls a Peter Forsberg” (no not this, he’s talking about this). Medium Rare has to stay out of the penalty box and the county jail to have any chance to make some noise, but they certainly have the talent to do so; +825 is likely to be the best price bettors will get all season.
District Five Championship
Blue, Yellow or Red (-130)
Field (-110)
District Five Championship
Blue, Black or Purple (-110)
Field (-135)
Championship Game Matchup
Blue vs Black (+600)
Blue vs Yellow (+600)
Blue vs Red (+600)
Blue vs Purple (+600)
Purple vs Yellow (+600)
Black vs Red (+700)
Yellow vs Red (+700)
Black vs Purple (+800)
Blue vs Green (+800)
Red vs Green (+850)
Black vs Green (+850)
Orange vs Purple (+1000)
Green vs Purple (+1000)
Orange vs Green (+1100)
Pink vs Blue (+1200)
White vs Blue (+1300)
Pink vs Purple (+1300)
Orange vs White (+1500)
Pink vs White (+2000)
COMMENTS: For the true degens out there. With no eastern/western conference in D5 you need to get lucky not just with teams that perform in the playoffs, but ones that end up on opposite sides of the bracket.
Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
Hungry Hippos 2.0 (-120)
The Narwhals (-120)
COMMENTS: In the opening lines we wrote “Jack and Annie’s franchise is the defending champ, but this might be the best Hippos team since the pre-covid era. I may be proven wrong in a few weeks but for now league insiders are very bullish on Hippos 2.0.” Two weeks in and the Narwhals have looked quite impressive and (SPOILER ALERT) will clock in at #2 on tomorrow’s updated power rankings. This line is now a dead heat.
Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
Green Street Hooligans (-120)
Julie’s Football Club (-120)
COMMENTS: In my opinion these are the two most evenly matched teams in the league this season. They bore that out on Tuesday by playing to a draw through regulation and OT, requiring a shootout to break the tie. Yehuda will tell you that’s because Neil wasn’t there, but anyone who watched the game will also tell you that orange dominated most of that game. A true coinflip.
Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
MelRose Place (-160)
Chili Peppers (+110)
COMMENTS: Sam making 0 games so far while Wes picked up 3 points in his season opener shifts this line from even to big edge MelRose. Playoffs, however, may be a different story.
Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
Medium Rare (-135)
Shooting Blancs (-105)
District Five Scoring Title
Wes or Miles (-150)
Field (+110)
COMMENTS: There will be lots of strong contenders for this award and missed games could end up telling the story but with Sam missing over half the season, the road to this award goes through Wes and Miles.
District Five Ladies’ Scoring Title
Tash (+115)
Annie or Cherie (+160)
Field (+220)
COMMENTS: She won two Defensewoman Of The Year trophies before that award was retired, but Tash now looks to pick up her first career Ladies’ Scoring Title. Despite strong competition from past winners Annie and Cherie and her near certainty to miss games later in the season, I think she’s going to do it.
Lower GAA (Regular Season Only; Must Start At Least Five Games)
Zisser (-120)
Max (-120)
COMMENTS: These two faced off the other night with Max getting the edge in a shootout victory for green. On the season though fans seem to give Zisser the slight edge according to early returns from the prediction contest. Two similar goalies in both size and judaism and with similar teams in front of them, this one should go down to the wire.
Lower GAA (Regular Season Only)
Corey (-120)
Ridzik (-120)
COMMENTS: Line is slightly juiced because Ridzik is the heir apparent to his high school friend McQuade and will no doubt be max betting this and any line involving himself. D5 markets are so illiquid that even the threat of Ridzik betting on this line has moved the line.
Grand Salami (Total Goals For The Season; Regular Season Only)
Over 249.5 (-120)
Under 249.5 (-120)
How Many Games Will Go To OT? (Regular Season Only)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)
COMMENTS: Historically 15-20% of games go to OT. Last season, for some reason, we saw an extreme statistical outlier as it was only 3 games out of 45, an insanely low 6.67% rate. I have to think that was a monster fluke and we’ll see between 7-10 OTs this season, frustrating everyone who wants to have their games start on time.
How Many Shutouts Will Be Notched? (Regular Season Only; Shootout Goals Don’t Count)
Over 3.5 (-130)
Under 3.5 (-110)
COMMENTS: Ok, I’m beginning to think last season was just overall weird. Generally we see 2-4 full game shutouts per season (not counting minigames which are obviously far easier to notch a shutout in). Last season saw an incredible 11 shutouts notched, 5 of them by blue. That is one in four league games (25%) ending in a shutout. For comparison, Spring 22 saw two total shutouts (4.5%) while Summer/Fall 21, despite having an expanded 15 game schedule, had 5 total shutouts for a rate of 8.3%. Legit no idea how this one will play out.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Meatbox (-105)
Jack (-135)
COMMENTS: One of the great rivalries in all of sports, they finished 1-2 in the scoring race last season with Mr Meatbox picking up the points and assists titles while Jack picked up goals and, of course, his first championship. This line also assumes a full season from Jack at forward.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Simon (-190)
AFrey (+140)
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Kev (+125)
Source (-170)
COMMENTS: This has been the most requested and wagered on line early in the season but the action has been kind of a dud so far with Source currently leading 1-0 in points and both players having played three games. Step it up guys, the gambling community demands it.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Russo (-130)
Scott Metz (-110)
COMMENTS: Once again, this should be a fairly tight race as both players produce at similar historical rates and can play forward or defense. But ever since Russo pointed out their uncanny resemblance to the dognappers in 101 Dalmations, that’s really all I can think about.
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Annie (-130)
Cherie (-110)
Who Will Finish Higher In The Scoring Race?
Adam Herman (EVEN)
Yehuda (-140)
COMMENTS: Yehuda has spent much of the season near the top of the scoring race but Herman picked up a goal in his opener and is only one behind, although Yehuda does have a game in hand. Neither one likes to miss games. Yehuda’s younger and quicker, Adam’s older and smarter. Take your pick.
Which Number Will Be Larger? (Regular Season Only)
Blue Team Standings Points (-130)
Miles Points (-110)
Which Number Will Be Larger? (Regular Season Only)
Hicks + Hogg Season Goals (EVEN)
Rest Of Team Season Goals (-145)
Which Number Will Be Larger? (Regular Season Only)
Cara + Simon Season Points (+125)
Cherie + AFrey Season Points (-170)
Will The Championship Winning Captain Be Male Or Female?
Male Captain (-400)
Female Captain (+220)
COMMENTS: Unlike past seasons where the numbers were similar, with Vanessa and Jenn taking seasons off captaining we have only two: Julie and Mel. That said both of their teams have a solid chance to win.
Will Anyone Be Suspended For At Least One Game This Season?
Yes (-200)
No (+140)
COMMENTS: As in past seasons, wagers will not be honored if it is suspected someone intentionally got suspended for the purposes of winning this prop bet.
Most Female Points In A Single Night This Season (AKA the Ladies Night Bet)
Over 13.5 (EVEN)
Under 13.5 (-140)
COMMENTS: Tuesday was ladies night as female players combined for 13 points across the league games, a highly notable amount with only one on the court at a time. Will that be the tops for the rest of the season? Honestly I have no idea how to handicap this one. Ladies, I’m pulling for you.