Weeks 6-7 Box Scores (Spring 2023)

Shooting Blancs vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
BLNC (1-0) – Cara (1) (assisted by Andreas) (6:10)
GSH (1-0) – Mike Sanchick (1) (assisted by Mike Stern) (8:40)
BLNC (2-1) – Steve Rys (1) (assisted by Cara) (10:51)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-2) – Tom (2) (unassisted) (5:38)
GSH (3-2) – Mike Sanchick (2) (assisted by Tom) (8:01)
3rd Period:
GSH (4-2) – Amanda (2) (assisted by Dave GDR) (3:41)
BLNC (3-4) – Joel (2) (assisted by Cara) (6:45)
GSH (5-3) – Mike Stern (6) (assisted by Tom) (10:23)
BLNC (4-5) – Cara (2) (assisted by Mike McCauley) 10:39)
BLNC (5-5) – Andreas (2) (assisted by Chris Fullam) (12:25)
Shootout Winner By Mike Stern

GAME NOTES: They may not have won but white has clearly missed Cara. In her first game of the season she put up two goals and two assists to get white their first point of the season and move all the way up to top 3 in the ladies scoring race. Unfortunately it was not enough to get them the win but still encouraging. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. That quote is applicable whether you’re discussing famous Chinese proverbs or potential turnarounds for last place D5 teams.

3rd – Mike Sanchick (2G)
2nd – Mike Stern (1G, 1A, SOW)
1st – Cara (2G, 2A)

I Just Blue Myself vs MelRose Place

1st Period:
MRP (1-0) – Matt Reape (2) (unassisted) (3:42)
BLOW (1-1) – Yehuda (1) (assisted by Mikey) (8:46)
BLOW (2-1) – Sam Gelman (4) (assisted by Mikey) (11:08)
2nd Period:
MRP (2-2) – Mike Wright (1) (unassisted) (0:49)
3rd Period:
MRP (3-2) – Jeff Jacobson (2) (assisted by Matt Reape) (8:21)
MRP (4-2) – Jeff Jacobson (3) (EN) (assisted by Pags) (11:56)

GAME NOTES: Both teams had depleted rosters for this one, blue moreso as me and Mikey iron-manned the entire game after Yehuda was shamed by his team into only subbing one period, losing the respect of real men across the league. In the end a crazy broken play that appeared to hit someone in the balls led to a bounce in front which rookie sleeper Jeff Jacobson buried for the game winner. He would add an empty netter in the end although no testicles were harmed in the scoring of that goal (at least that’s what I’ve been told).

3rd – Mikey (2A)
2nd – Jeff Jacobson (2G)
1st – Matt Reape (1G, 1A)

The Narwhals vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
NAR (1-0) – Adam Herman (2) (assisted by Jack Cooley) (9:31)
2nd Period:
GSH (1-1) – Mike Stern (6) (assisted by Rich Glanzer) (6:47)
3rd Period:
GSH (2-1) – Mike Stern (7) (assisted by Mike Sanchick) (5:36)
NAR (2-2) – Jack (4) (assisted by Tom McGuire) (10:04)
NAR (3-2) – Annie (3) (assisted by Tom McGuire) (2:53)

GAME NOTES: A truly electric moment in gambling history as Annie placed her first wager of all time on herself to score the OT winner, took like 4 shots on net and finally was rewarded with an electric 2 on 0 goal. Jack could be seen crying in the background, either because he was happy for her or because he forgot to bet on her himself. Either way, jibs for all…also a truly shocking moment in league history as Ellie correctly executed an honest to goodness backcheck in this game. Yes it was on Rob Meehan but she still caught him and made a defensive play rather than simply wishing him well as he attempted to score on her team. The possibility that this was an imposter Ellie cannot be completely ruled out but for now it appears that unlike most women, she actually listened to what Rich was saying.

3rd – Tom McGuire (2A)
2nd – Mike Stern (2G)
1st – Annie (GWG)

I Just Blue Myself vs Hungry Hippos 2.0

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Hogg (3) (assisted by Tom White) (3:12)
2nd Period:
HIP (2-0) – Hogg (4) (assisted by Nicki Dell) (4:42)
BLOW (1-2) – Sam Gelman (5) (assisted by Caitlin) (6:54)
HIP (3-1) – Hicks (3) (assisted by Jay Travers) (7:56)
3rd Period:
BLOW (2-3) – Mikey (2) (assisted by Sam Gelman) (4:57)
BLOW (3-3) – Tim Finnerty (4) (unassisted) (10:58)
HIP (4-3) – Hogg (5) (assisted by Yehuda) (4:55)

GAME NOTES: Tim and Cherie were in for this one giving blue nine players while black had most of their top guns but only had eight, allowing traitor Yehuda to sub for them. After an electric Hicks Sex Goal put black up 3-1 Team Blowjobs rallied with two goals in the final 8 minutes to force OT, only to see Hogg complete the hat trick with 5 seconds left to give the Hippos the victory…six games into the season and the only players on blue with zero points are the goaltender and myself…Hicks officially renamed this prestigious annual matchup, originally known as the Fireball Bowl, then renamed to the Preworkout Bowl, now deemed the “Bad Boy Mowers Pirate Bowl.” Truly a tradition unlike any other…he has also been taking absolutely insane supplements this season where the #1 ingredient listed is “New Zealand Grass Fed Testicle.” They are apparently banned by the NBA but not by D5. I was going to captain the photos “TASTE THE TESTICLE” but thankfully thought better of it, then regrettably just typed it here.

3rd – Meatbox (1G)
2nd – Sam Gelman (1G, 1A)
1st – Hogg (3G)

The Narwhals vs Medium Rare

1st Period:
RARE (1-0) – Rockoff (1) (assisted by Santo) (11:11)
2nd Period:
RARE (2-0) – Paul Chester (1) (assisted by Vanessa) (4:58)
RARE (3-0) – Source (2) (assisted by Kevin Mahoney) (5:32)
NAR (1-3) – Jack (5) (unassisted) (6:36)
RARE (4-1) – Paul Chester (2) (assisted by Brita) (7:54)
RARE (5-1) – Jake Kolenberg (1) (PPG) (unassisted) (10:25)
3rd Period:
RARE (6-1) – Source (3) (assisted by Jeff Oberg) (4:17)
NAR (2-6) – Tom (2) (PPG) (unassisted) (5:59)
NAR (3-6) – Jack (6) (assisted by Adam Herman) (8:51)
NAR (4-6) – Jack (7) (assisted by Tom McGuire) (12:14)
NAR (5-6) – Rob Meehan (1) (assisted by Scott Metz) (12:54)
RARE (7-5) – Jeff Oberg (1) (EN) (assisted by Jeff Oberg) (12:59)

GAME NOTES: Oh how I miss the early days of the season with two games per night and a weirdly low scoring start. Now we get 12 goal Friday night bombs like this where everyone’s minds are less on what body parts they can throw in front of shots to block them and more on what body parts of their fellow league members they are going to see at Dorrian’s…pink exploded (gross) in this one and took a 6-1 lead. Then all hell broke loose as purple just kept scoring and almost gave me a heart attack. Thankfully Oberg was there to bury a late empty netter, mercifully end this super late night of games and deliver Medium Rare their first victory of the season.

3rd – Source (2G)
2nd – Paul Chester (2G)
1st – Jack (3G)

Julie’s Football Club vs MelRose Place

2nd Period:
JFC (1-0) – Julie (1) (assisted by Joe Moskowitz) (10:39)
3rd Period:
JFC (2-0) – Tash (2) (unassisted) (8:04)

GAME NOTES: Ridzik hammered yellow +1.5 goals before the game and was given special permission as a diamond platinum sportsbook member to increase his max bet. Thankfully Tash, who has taken two straight playoff challenges and thus is no friend of the league sportsbook herself, buried a late highlight reel goal to give JFC a 2-0 win and move them up to top 3 standings position.

3rd – Julie (GWG)
2nd – Tash (1G)
1st – Zisser (W, SO)

The Narwhals vs MelRose Place

1st Period:
NAR (1-0) – Tom McGuire (1) (assisted by Rob Meehan) (1:05)
2nd Period:
MRP (1-1) – Mike Goose (1) (assisted by DRo) (7:49)
MRP (2-1) – Mike Goose (2) (assisted by Pags) (10:39)
3rd Period:
NAR (2-2) – Jack (2) (unassisted) (2:00)
Shootout Winner By Tom McGuire

GAME NOTES: Goose picked up two goals, both from about two feet in front of the net, but Jack had the last laugh with the tying goal and then a crazy shootout tally where he was falling but still tucked it in. I still like Annie more…what DRo did to poor Savannah’s stick in this game could best be described as wanton violence. If she doesn’t return for the summer season I am invoicing the Law Office Of David Rosen.

3rd – Tom McGuire (1G, SOW)
2nd – Jack (1G, SOG)
1st – Mike Goose (2G)

Julie’s Football Club vs I Just Blue Myself

1st Period:
BLOW (1-0) – Tim (5) (assisted by Miles) (10:45)
BLOW (2-0) – Alex (1) (assisted by Miles) (11:56)
3rd Period:
BLOW (3-0) – Tim (6) (assisted by Miles) (2:05)
JFC (1-3) – Mitch Gronowitz (2) (unassisted) (2:43)
BLOW (4-1) – Alex (2) (EN) (unassisted) (11:48)

GAME NOTES: A fast paced tight checking contest ends with Miles picking up 3 points, Tim picking up two goals and blue getting back in the win column with a 4-1 victory. It was just the second JFC game all season that was not a one goal game, the other being their 2-0 win earlier in the night.

3rd – Phelps (W, 1 GA)
2nd – Tim (2G)
1st – Miles (3A)

Chili Peppers vs Medium Rare

1st Period:
RARE (1-0) – Brita (1) (assisted by Rockoff) (6:41)
CHI (1-1) – Tarnow (4) (assisted by Sam) (7:49)
2nd Period:
RARE (2-1) – Jeff Oberg (2) (assisted by Santo) (5:04)
CHI (2-2) – Ashkon (1) (assisted by Sam) (10:57)
CHI (3-2) – Sam (2) (PPG) (unassisted) (11:30)
3rd Period:
CHI (4-2) – Jacob Gitzis (3) (assisted by Austin Marshalek) (9:56)

GAME NOTES: Pink twice took the lead early but a Sam-led red team (wearing black for one night only) stormed back and won 4-2. The win moves red up the standings from 7th to 5th place with games in hand on most teams above them. Pink remains in 8th but if they win both ends of their upcoming doubleheader Tuesday they will likely end the evening in 5th place themselves. Gotta love the 3-2-1 points system.

3rd – Brita (1G)
2nd – Tarnow (1G)
1st – Sam (1G, 2A)

Green Street Hooligans vs Shooting Blancs

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Russo (1) (assisted by Mike Stern) (9:30)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-0) – Tom Fitzgerald (1) (assisted by Kevin Aylesworth) (0:59)
GSH (3-0) – Mike Stern (2) (assisted by Tom Fitzgerald) (3:56)
3rd Period:
GSH (4-0) – Mike Stern (3) (assisted by Russo) (11:59)

GAME NOTES: Last week these teams met in a surprisingly tight 6-5 shootout win for green. There was nothing surprising nor tight in this one as green dominated throughout and used multi-point efforts by Tom, Russo and Stern (as well as what might be Cam’s first career D5 shutout) to cruise to a 4-0 victory. Simon almost definitely believes if he had his stick white would have won this game by 3.

3rd – Tom Fitzgerald (1G, 1A)
2nd – Russo (GWG, 1A)
1st – Mike Stern (2G, 1A)

Leave a Reply