Week 8 Betting Lines (Spring 2023)

I Just Blue Myself (-370)
Chili Peppers (+235)

Over 6.0 (-135)
Under 6.0 (-105)

Notes:
Sam and KG are out for red while Campbell is a GTD at time of publication. Blue will be rocking a lineup that I would describe as “light but tight” with 5 guys and 3 ladies but a lot of sexiness packed in. Tim and Reid have not responded to my emails and are presumed out; if so, Pags will be in. Phelps is out either because he’s getting down at 6 PM or he’s filming more pasta content. Who’s to say really. Zisser will be in net for blue because there is a certain quota of drug use and ass eating I simply must get from the goaltending position. Mel in for red and will not be doing drugs nor eating ass and red may possibly one more player to be named later. And they still have Jeff Green who can always shut a team down singlehandedly. Without Sam though, the outlook remains the same: not great, Bob. Blue by multiple goals.

BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Miles + Cherie (-160)
Tarnow + Ryann + Lerner (+115)

More Points In Game
Sam Gelman (-120)
Mike Tarnow (-120)

Will Ryann Record A Point?
Yes (-120)
No (-120)

Will Alex Record A Point?
Yes (-145)
No (EVEN)

Alt Total
Over 3.5 Goals (-500)
Under 3.5 Goals (+300)

Shooting Blancs (+155)
Julie’s Football Club (-220)

Over 6.0 (-110)
Under 6.0 (-130)

Notes:
No idea who is in for either team, all I know is that they both begged me for weeks to get their Friday game moved to this date, then got Hicks to move his own games around for it to happen. Truly impressive work by everyone involved and if this was a lobbying contest I would say they are both winners. Unfortunately this is a hockey game so in another, more accurate way, Julie will probably be the winner. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Simon (-110)
Malik (-130)

More Points In Game
McCauley (-110)
Dave Liang (-130)

Will Julie Record A Point?
Yes (+105)
No (-150)

Will Steve Rys Record A Point?
Yes (-105)
No (-135)

Alt Total
Over 3.5 Goals (-420)
Under 3.5 Goals (+265)

Medium Rare (-150)
Shooting Blancs (+105)

Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)

Notes:
After this game white will only have games remaining against black, purple and red, all comfortably ahead of them in the standings. Translation: as we say often in these betting lines, it’s getting late early for the Blancs as this may be their best chance to pick up that much needed W and build some momentum heading into the stretch run. To do it they’re going to have to match the horniness of the pink team and let me tell you, it is not going to be easy. Like if I was ranking horniest players in this game, all of the top 5-7 slots are occupied by pink players before the first Blancs player (likely Joel) makes an appearance on the list. Does not bode well. Casca will do what he can in net but Simon’s teams sex drive is sorely lacking and his stick remains at large. Rare to pick up a (rare) victory.

BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Simon (+110)
Oberg (-150)

More Points In Game
McCauley (-110)
Source (-130)

Will Rockoff Record A Point?
Yes (-125)
No (-115)

Alt Total
Over 8.5 Goals (+280)
Under 8.5 Goals (-470)

Medium Rare (+145)
Hungry Hippos 2.0 (-190)

Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)

Notes:
Abby and Nikki are out for black with Mel subbing in their place. Pink hasn’t asked me for any subs and when I offered Kolenberg a break between his two games he declined because he was concerned if his team had any break they would get hammered. Honestly, pretty smart move on his part as knowing your personnel is half the battle in the captaining game. But having those personnel score more goals than the opposition is the other half and I don’t think they’re going to do quite as well there. Pink’s speed gives them a puncher’s chance but Hippos should be able to take this down.

BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Oberg (+110)
Meatbox (-150)

More Points In Game
Jason Campbell (-105)
Hogg (-135)

Will Stabel Record A Point?
Yes (-130)
No (-110)

Will Meatbox Score A Goal?
Yes (-135)
No (-105)

Julie’s Football Club (-105)
Hungry Hippos 2.0 (-135)

Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)

Notes:
The final game of the evening sees black and orange in a pivotal showdown for standings position. By the end of this game black could be as high as 3rd in the standings or as low as 8th. Two regulation wins puts them right in the mix for a top 2 seed and a bye directly into the final four. Same for orange although they will have to do so without Tash, a brutal blow to a team that has been rolling all season update: Tash is in. I’m assuming this game is going to be close because that’s what orange does, but they’re facing a team captained by a guy who rolled up to Felix at 8 PM last week with the grass-fed testicle pills in hand, dropped one on the floor and still ate it. I just don’t know how you compete with that. Hippos to win and vault into top 4 seeding.

BONUS LINES
More Points In Game
Malik + Amit + Mitch + Tash (+105)
Meatbox + Hogg (-150)

More Points In Game
Julie (-135)
Mel (-105)

Hogg Points
Over 1.5 (-120)
Under 1.5 (-120)

Will Meatbox Score A Goal?
Yes (-130)
No (-110)

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