Week 8 Box Scores (Spring 2023)

I Just Blue Myself vs Chili Peppers

1st Period:
CHI (1-0) – Austin Marshalek (1) (assisted by Ryann) (0:33)
BLOW (1-1) – Sam Gelman (6) (assisted by Alex) (7:55)
BLOW (2-1) – Sam Gelman (7) (assisted by Alex) (3:41)

GAME NOTES: Red played one hell of a game sans 1st round pick Sam and actually took an early lead on the first shift of the game. Unfortunately a different Sam made the difference in this one as Gelman picked up two goals, including the OT winner, to give blue a 2-1 victory and move them ever closer to clinching the top seed in the playoffs…before the game I emailed the league that any teams going to OT would face suspension, then the first game of the night involving my team does so. Brutal example of when keeping it real goes wrong. Also nice to see that Jess still reads our writeups, watches our streams and even makes memes about us like the millennial that she is despite the fact that she’s not playing this season. Maybe we really are friends (unlikely).

3rd – Ryann (1A)
2nd – Jeff Green (1 GA)
1st – Sam Gelman (2G)

Shooting Blancs vs Julie’s Football Club

2nd Period:
BLNC (1-0) – Cara (3) (assisted by Steve Rys) (3:45)
3rd Period:
BLNC (2-0) – Andreas (3) (SH) (unassisted) (6:23)
BLNC (3-0) – Avik (1) (assisted by Cara) (9:32)

GAME NOTES: White came into this game as a pretty severe underdog but look like a totally different team with Cara and a (relatively) healthy McCauley. Cara had two points, Casca notched a shutout and Avik got in on the action with a snipe to give white their first win of the season, and a convincing 3-0 regulation one at that…Simon after the game: “we may never lose again.”

3rd – Avik (1G)
2nd – Cara (1G, 1A)
1st – Casca (W, SO)

Medium Rare vs Shooting Blancs

1st Period:
RARE (1-0) – Vanessa (1) (assisted by Jeff Oberg) (2:44)
BLNC (1-1) – Chris Fullam (1) (assisted by McCauley) (7:56)
RARE (2-1) – Brita (2) (PP) (assisted by Zach Liebovich) (12:15)
3rd Period:
BLNC (2-2) – Andreas (4) (assisted by Steve Rys) (6:23)
BLNC (3-2) – Joel (3) (assisted by Steve Rys) (11:53)

GAME NOTES: Simon’s word proved prescient as this was a huge game for both teams looking to avoid the play-in game, but white ultimately triumphed off a crazy broken play with just over a minute left where pink’s goalie thought he had it covered but the ball squired loose to the point where Joel buried it, much to the delight of his fan club in the stands. I think there was a collective orgasm when he scored that goal. I did warn you that Joel was probably white’s horniest player.

3rd – Brita (1G)
2nd – Mike McCauley (1A)
1st – Joel (GWG)

Medium Rare vs Hungry Hippos 2.0

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Testiclebox (4) (assisted by Jay Travers) (1:05)
HIP (2-0) – Satok (6) (PP) (assisted by Stabel) (6:09)
HIP (3-0) – Hogg (6) (assisted by Evan Larkin) (7:47)
3rd Period:
HIP (4-0) – Testiclebox (5) (assisted by Hogg) (11:39)

GAME NOTES: The testicle pills were in full swing in this game as Hicks Meatbox Testiclebox picked up two goals, including an electric late game breakaway followed by the jerk off celly possibly inspired by the ecstacy dance scene from Eastbound & Down. Incredibly, despite having the 2nd best overall win/loss record in the league, this was the Hippos’ first regulation victory of the season.

3rd – Hoggbox (1G, 1A)
2nd – Testiclebox (2G)
1st – AJ (W, SO)


Here’s a bunch of Sal’s commentary from Week 8. My only comments are that he only knows like 4 people’s names and he smokes even more than I do.

Also here’s a throwback to 2019 when we got Hicks commentary. This was back when we had high def video but no livestream and a cameraman who was often on the phone talking about all the dirty sex he had the previous weekend during games. You can even spot Braun (aka Dr Oopie) before he had to quit the league due to his own death. Fun fact: the first time I watched this footage I thought Hicks was calling him “Dr Roofie” and needless to say I had a lot of questions for both of them. Good times.

Julie’s Football Club vs Hungry Hippos 2.0

3rd Period:
JFC (1-0) – Mitch Gronowitz (4) (assisted by Tash) (3:53)
HIP (1-1) – Jay Travers (1) (assisted by Adam Satok) (5:42)
Shootout Winner By Adam Satok

GAME NOTES: The game of the night had a playoff-like feel as it was a surprising defensive/goaltending battle between two teams fighting for playoff seeding. A possible semifinal preview, the contest remained even through 39 minutes of regulation and 5 minutes of OT before Satok won it in a 4th round shootout, lifting the Hippos up to 5th place and only one point back of orange with a game in hand.

3rd – Jay Travers (1G)
2nd – AJ (W, 1 GA)
1st – Adam Satok (SOW, A)

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