Week 11 Box Scores (Spring 2023)

The Narwhals vs Julie’s Football Club

1st Period:
JFC (1-0) – Tash (4) (unassisted) (7:48)
2nd Period:
JFC (2-0) – Malik (2) (assisted by Tash) (3:38)
NAR (1-2) – Scott Metz (2) (assisted by Adam Herman) (7:26)
3rd Period:
JFC (3-1) – Amit (6) (unassisted) (1:37)
NAR (2-3) – Kev (1) (assisted by Jack) (12:14)

GAME NOTES: Jeff Green subbed in for orange which has was very happy about as he told me that he was having a horrible season in his two favorite stats: GAA (goals against average) and GPRF, or games per registration fee. The guy who used to sometimes play all four games in a night, often with no shirt on and ripping heaters in between, had not subbed a single game this season since being drafted as the top goalie. Jack promised to light his ass up but a strong orange defense and some key absences for purple allowed the Football Club to pick up the regulation win en route to locking up the 4 seed. They will face the winner of the 5/8/9 matchup in the final game of the evening Tuesday while The Narwhals look to shake off a tough end to the season in a 6/7 matchup with MelRose…Tash demonstrated elite form on that slapshot, keeping the windup so horizontal that you can’t even see the stick in the screenshot.

With two points in this game she locked up her first career Ladies’ Scoring Crown, becoming the first girl not named Meg or Annie to win one in 7 seasons and almost 4 calendar years. She also became the first lady to ever win the Brian Leetch Award for most points by a defender.

3rd – Amit (GWG)
2nd – Kev (1G)
1st – Tash (1G, 1A)

Medium Rare vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Neil (1) (assisted by Stern) (1:07)
RARE (1-1) – Josh Wagner (1) (assisted by Zach R) (2:22)
GSH (2-1) – Amanda (2) (assisted by Neil) (12:33)
RARE (2-2) – Josh Wagner (2) (assisted by Brita) (12:55)
2nd Period:
RARE (3-2) – Jeff Oberg (3) (assisted by Santo) (1:32)
GSH (3-3) – Mike Stern (12) (assisted by Neil) (8:03)
GSH (4-3) – Yehuda (3) (assisted by Amanda) (8:43)
3rd Period:
RARE (4-4) – Mo (1) (assisted by Jason Campbell) (0:59)
RARE (5-4) – Paul Chester (4) (assisted by Jeff Oberg) (9:39)
GSH (5-5) – Mike Stern (13) (assisted by Eli Karp) (12:55)
GSH (6-5) – Mike Stern (14) (assisted by Neil) (0:32)

GAME NOTES: This game, as expected, was close, hard fought and high scoring. There were some crazy and bizarre situations contained within which would require four of these articles to properly describe but in the end Stern completed a hat trick with the tying goal with 5 seconds left and the OT winner just 32 seconds in to get green in prime position to take the 2 seed and secure his first career scoring title…Neil entered the night with just one point on the season, a pretty poor showing for a 1st round pick that was almost guaranteed to get him a stern talking to at the hands of Glanzer. Wanting to spend as little time talking to Rich as possible, Neil picked up four points in each of his games on the night to somehow vault from like 105th to 13th in the scoring race. It cannot be denied any long – the man is a true sicko.

3rd – Josh Wagner (2G)
2nd – Neil (1G, 3A)
1st – Mike Stern (3G)

MelRose Place vs Chili Peppers

1st Period:
CHI (1-0) – Sam (6) (assisted by Campbell) (7:30)
2nd Period:
MRP (1-1) – Sean Kittridge (7) (assisted by Danilo) (12:12)
3rd Period:
CHI (2-1) – Sam (7) (assisted by Campbell) (9:24)
CHI (3-1) – Campbell (4) (unassisted) (11:36)

GAME NOTES: This was looking to be the possible game of the night as both teams had full rosters and the top two draft picks faced off. Sadly top overall pick Wes and all-rookie team member Jeff were late scratches and red was able to pull away late in the 3rd period with goals by Sam and Campbell to win in regulation and secure the 5 seed…after Jack’s electric 100th point last week, Tarnow is next in line but sits at 99 points wrapping up the season. I had a special ceremony ready to go in this game but it will have to wait for whomever is his team in the summer…MelRose will face the Narwhals in the 6/7 matchup at 6:45 on Tuesday night while the Chili Peppers lock up the 5 seed and will play the winner of the play-in matchup, although there is some crazy roster shit going on there that must be dealt with first. More updates coming in next week’s edition of the D5 Gazette (Alternate Title: Bored Jew’s Ball Hockey Blog).

3rd – Sean Kittridge (1G)
2nd – Sam (2G)
1st – Campbell (1G, 2A)

Green Street Hooligans vs Medium Rare

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Neil (2) (assisted by Eli Karp) (0:48)
RARE (1-1) – Jason Campbell (1) (unassisted) (8:44)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-1) – Kevin Aylesworth (1) (assisted by Russo) (1:57)
GSH (3-1) –Neil (3) (assisted by Mike Stern) (4:43)
GSH (4-1) – Mike Stern (15) (assisted by Neil) (8:19)
3rd Period:
RARE (2-4) – Jason Campbell (2) (assisted by Kevin Mahoney) (10:11)
GSH (5-2) – Neil (4) (assisted by Yehuda) (11:31)

GAME NOTES: After spending the season traveling to Phish concerts so he could do drugs and motorboat hippies (I’m assuming this is all that goes on at those shows), Neil showed up for the final night doubleheader and showed the world why he is one of the only two time scoring champions in league history, and it’s not just because he scored six goals on goalie Austin King in one of those games (although that certainly helped). The final goal was the 50th of his career, making him only the 4th player to ever achieve that milestone (after Hicks, Probert, Guido and Jack)….the hat trick also secured the #2 seed for green and a trip directly to the final four where they will face the winner of the Hippos/Narwhals/MelRose side of the bracket. Pink had a chance to jump yellow for 7th but will instead face Simon, Cara and the white team in the playin matchup to open the playoffs on Tuesday. And the rattles have already begun…

3rd – Jason Campbell (2G)
2nd – Mike Stern (1G, 1A)
1st – Neil (3G, 1A)

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