Sexperts (-230)
Melrose Home (+150)
Over 6.5 (-135)
Under 6.5 (-105)
Notes: Yellow becomes the third team to finish up tonight in the penultimate night of the Fall 2024 regular season. It’s been an up-and-down season for Melrose with a few exciting OT wins and a career year from Mike Sanchick, but also a bunch of crushing losses and some weird energy on the bench. For this one they have a mostly full roster minus DRo, Russo, Robyn and Chucky Perks and will be having a team dinner at East End immediately afterwards. Will the dinner be of the celebratory variety or the kind you have with an ex where you act civil but actually just want to throw drinks in each others faces and possibly have backslide sex afterwards? Maybe don’t answer that because if that dinner erupts into a full scale orgy I will probably have no choice but to fold the league. This preview kind of went off the rails but I’m taking the over. Let’s just move on.
Sexperts (-130)
Tropic Thunder (-110)
Over 6.5 (-105)
Under 6.5 (-135)
Notes: Both teams had 7 guys, 1 girl and no goalie. After some discussion and probably some tequila, Jack is in net for blue while Campbell, usually barred from playing goal in this league due to extreme sex appeal, will be subbing in goal for Tropic Thunder. In exchange for this generally unprecedented development:
1) Annie makes her return to blue where she won a title in the Spring. No word on if her jersey/business suit is going up to the rafters.
2) Karly will ironman the whole game for camo. No issues there, she is an elite athlete.
3) Campbell will have to shotgun before the opening faceoff as if he is Jason Campbell, whose brother is not coincidentally on this very team.
I’m not sure how to make the line for this truly bizarre, very shorthanded Bad Boy Mowers Pirate Bowl so just going to call it mostly even and favor the under.
The Sharks (EVEN)
Tropic Thunder (-145)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: The final game of the Jack/Hicks season series which currently sits at a 1-1 tie. Despite their previous requests to have the winner of the season series receive the entire nine point bounty, this game will only have the standard three standings points on the line but they are three big standings points. Camo can still finish in the 10/11 play-in matchup with two regulation losses, but can also climb into top four seeding with two regulation wins. Meanwhile the Sharks are currently in last somehow and with two regulation wins will get out of that play-in but a regulation loss in either game tonight puts them squarely in the danger zone. Apparently there is a frankly insane situation in this game whereby Simon will play in goal for purple against his own team while Campbell subs in goal for camo. I have no idea how Jack is going to guarantee Simon plays hard or what will happen if he purposely scores on himself, or what kind of celly Hicks is liable to do if he scores on his own player but regardless it is not one to be missed. I have this game rated as a close one but with a slight edge to camo because, you know, their player is playing in goal for the opposite team. I mean how could I not go with that?
The MilkMob (+135)
Merry Pranksters (-180)
Over 6.5 (-115)
Under 6.5 (-125)
Notes: MilkMob’s got Stu and Alex Horton subbing while the Pranksters get the services of Simon in goal. Huge game for both teams as Pranksters need this regulation win to clinch their hold on a top 4 spot while MilkMob is hoping to break a three game losing streak and give themselves a chance for top four seeding as well. It’s going to be tough without a few of their top players but hopefully everyone’s learned better by now than to count them out. These are possibly the two fastest teams in the league but also two of the better defensive squads out there which is not generally par for the course for a Gelman run-and-gun team. I’m taking the under.
The Sharks (-165)
The MilkMob (+120)
Over 6.0 (-125)
Under 6.0 (-115)
Notes: Campbell is in goal for purple. Stu and Horton remain for MilkMob. Both these teams will probably need this win for some kind of standings situation but by the end of the night with all the various permutation of the previous four games, who the fuck knows. All I know is that by time time this game comes around it will be cold, we will all be tired, probably high, hopefully celebrating everyone’s Yankees ML bets hitting and heading to Reifs afterwards because, incredibly, Dorrian’s is booked for a wedding. I know I’m a bad person to ask because I’ve come out against marriage numerous times both in this space and if you’ve ever talked to me for more than two minutes but seriously, who the hell is celebrating their wedding at Dorrian’s? That’s arguably more depraved than anything that’s ever been mentioned on this website and that is really saying something. Anyways, parlay that Yankees ML with a Sharks ML. See ya tonight.