Hungry Hippos vs The Charging Cheetahs
1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Roberts (3) (assisted by Emily)
CHA (1-1) – Courtney (1) (assisted by Dave Holland)
2nd Period:
HIP (2-1) – Sweet Baby James (4) (assisted by Emily)
HIP (3-1) – Marcella (3) (assisted by Hicks)
CHA (2-3) – Courtney (2) (assisted by Gabe)
CHA (3-3) – Hill (1) (assisted by Olivier)
HIP (4-3) – Marcella (4) (assisted by Roberts)
3rd Period:
HIP (5-3) – Hicks (2) (assisted by Roberts)
CHA (4-5) Gabe (3) (assisted by Olivier)
CHA (5-5) – Dave Holland (4) (assisted by Olivier)
HIP (6-5) – Evan (1) (assisted by Sweet Baby James)
HIP (7-5) – Sweet Baby James (5) (EN) (unassisted)
HIP (8-5) – Hicks (3) (EN) (assisted by Marcella)
GAME NOTES: The opening match of the evening brought the fireworks as the teams combined for a record-tying 13 goals, four of which came in the last two minutes…Roberts opened the scoring off a feed from Emily which proves that in District Five, love truly does win…Emily also assisted on the second goal of the evening and celebrated by hopping around like a bunny. The video doesn’t quite do it justice…Courtney picked up her first two goals for the Cheetahs on the season. Her hat trick two weeks back came as a free agent in the other highest scoring game in league history…Marcella had two goals and an assist and now leads the female scoring race with only two games left to play…Gabe picked up his third goal of the season and a pretty badass assist. He now leads the defenders scoring race with two games left to play…with the score 5-4 Hippos and less than two minutes to play, the Cheetahs pulled their goalie and were rewarded when Dave tied the game. Somehow, the Hippos won the following faceoff and immediately scored to take the lead back…the Hippos would secure the win with empty netters from Sweet Baby James and Hicks, who both vault into the top 10 in scoring with three point performances. Seems like this game was quite the stat padder…Olivier had three assists. Pretty rare that you get three points and nary a mention in the box scores. French Canadian bias?…with the win the Hippos are now just five points back of first and three points back of second with a game in hand on each team. The two teams will conclude their home and home next week at the Hippound which should be rocking as the league considers whether it’s feasible to make-up the Hippos/Ball That game on the same night. Fans will be tailgating from 11 AM for a potential doubleheader that would give them a chance to claim first place by the time the night is over and flip cup begins.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME
3rd – Roberts (1G, 2A)
2nd – Emily (2A)
1st – Marcella (2G, 1A)
Ball That vs The Varsity Warriors
1st Period:
VAR (1-0) – Charles (1) (unassisted)
2nd Period:
BAL (1-1) – Drew Loken (1) (assisted by Jeff)
BAL (2-1) – Brett Cantor (1) (assisted by Will)
VAR (2-2) – Probie (3) (assisted by Sebastian)
BAL (3-2) – Jeff (6) (unassisted)
3rd Period:
BAL (4-2) – Jeff (7) (EN) (unassisted)
GAME NOTES: The Warriors/Ball That showdown, aka battle of teams who didn’t get a first round pick, featured end-to-end play, great individual efforts, and Glanzer betting the over and losing big…Charles opened the scoring with his first of the season and first of his D5 career…Drew picked up his first of the season off a great feed from Jeff, who went beastmode in this one…after Brett put orange ahead, Sebastian broke up a potential Gil Ween breakaway and pass it up to Probie who threw down his signature flip and shoot move to tie the game at two…undeterred, on the following shift, Jeff stole the ball in his own zone and ripped a scorcher top-corner from just inside the redline to give his team a lead they would never relinquish. He would add an empty netter…Jeff is now #2 in the scoring race with 7 goals and 12 points in 5 games…Ball That moves up to fourth place with the victory and the Cheetahs loss, putting them in position for a bye past the play-in round. They will face the first place Cleveland Browns next weekend and, if timing can be worked out, possibly the last two periods of their Hippos game as well. The Warriors are now locked into playing in the opening round of the playoffs which isn’t great for their hopes of a repeat championship, but also not so bad if you like free hockey.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME
3rd – Brett Cantor (1G)
2nd – Probie (1G)
1st – Jeff (2G including GWG, 1A)
Team Sexy vs My Cup Size Is Stanley
1st Period:
SEX (1-0) – Tommy (2) (assisted by Scott)
2nd Period:
CUP (1-1) – Anton (1) (assisted by Maurice)
Overtime:
SEX (2-1) – Ines (1) (assisted by Tommy)
GAME NOTES: The first half of a home-and-home between league managers turned into an all-out defensive battle…Tommy opened the scoring after a sweet carry and feed from Scott, picking up his first assist of the season…Barch made a number of sensational saves in this one, and apparently felt so bad for Cup Size that he put one in his own net out of sportsmanship. What a guy…Gene’s free agent pickup Anton, fresh off getting a goal controversially disallowed last week, was credited with the goal as he was the last guy to touch it. Last guy to touch it is also the name of a rather disgusting sex game…Becca almost killed a guy during the game. Unfortunately for her attorneys, she decided against it…Cup Size pressed hard for the equalizer in the final two minutes but Barch was equal to the task and got the game to OT…Michelle almost won the game less than a minute into overtime but her shot just barely sailed over the crossbar…Mike Marian had a one-timer in OT as well but shot it wide. He also had a one-timer opportunity in the 2nd period on which he fell and missed the net. Pro tip: save the joint walks for after the game, not before…with just under a minute left before the shootout, Tommy was able to thwart a dangerous Cup Size counterattack and got the ball to Ines, who roofed it top cheese for her first career D5 goal. Not bad for someone who hasn’t played hockey in seven years…with the win, Sexy maintains their hold on 2nd and is just one point back of the Cleveland Browns. My Cup Size Is Stanley gets a point for making it to OT and is now only one back of 4th and a consequent bye past the play-in round. The two teams will conclude their home-and-home in the early game next week.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME
3rd – Tommy (1G, 1A)
2nd – Ines (GWG)
1st – Barch (W, 1 GA, 1G)
Purple Parrots vs Cleveland Browns
2nd Period:
CLE (1-0) – Ramy (3) (assisted by Rob Blandi)
CLE (2-0) – Luke (7) (assisted by Zach Denes)
3rd Period:
CLE (3-0) – Luke (8) (assisted by Julie’s Face)
GAME NOTES: The primetime game featured a battle between two of the best goaltenders in the league and possibly the world in Campbell and Tim K…true to form, there were a ton of chances in the first but neither team could capitalize as both goalies brought their A game…slowly but surely, as they are apt to do, the Cleveland Browns wore down the Parrots and were rewarded early in the 2nd as Ramy buried a Rob Blandi rebound for a 1-0 lead…Luke continues to make a mockery of the league scoring race as he put in two more goals and had a few utterly dominant shifts. He now leads the scoring race by three points despite only playing in four games thus far…we knew Julie had great hands, but in this one it was her face which redirected the ball straight to Luke for his 2nd of the night…Rich had multiple chances for his first point of the season, but thankfully for the league sportsbook, he was repeatedly denied by goaltenders, defensemen, and his own limitations as a player…the Cleveland Browns were so amped up after the game they asked if they could stay and scrimmage. I don’t think the local community board would have appreciated that but finally, a team the city of Cleveland can be proud of…with the victory the Browns maintain their hold on first which would give them a bye directly into the final four. They will face Ball That in a pivotal clash next week at 8:20. The Parrots, meanwhile, stay in 7th and will face the 8th place Warriors in next week’s primetime game.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME
3rd – Ramy (GWG)
2nd – Luke (2G)
1st – Tim K (shutout win)
Questions? Comments? Stat corrections? Need a forum to complain about random shit? If the latter – there’s already a league for that. If one of the first three – email us at districtfivehockey@gmail.com.