Week 1 Betting Lines (Fall 2019)

My Cup Size Is Stanley (EVEN)
Goonies (-140)
Over 5.5 (-135)
Under 5.5 (-105)

Notes: The fall season kicks off with a matchup of undermanned teams. Post-holiday games are always tough but the Goonies are missing four guys with Tarnow a gametime decision on top of that, while the Cup Size goalie situation is so bad that the most likely candidates to dress in net as of now are Brad and Meg. Not great. I can pretty much end the preview here – severely undermanned Goonies squad against a Cup Size team with most of their players, but backstopped by probably Meg. Everyone should really avoid betting on this game – this line is only here for SBJ. Enjoy.

Backdoor Bandits (-135)
Green Street Hooligans (-105)
Over 5.5 (-115)
Under 5.5 (-125)

Notes: Green will be without Ben, Charlotte, Joe P and Jake Resnick while blue will be without the services of Ryan, Joel, Hilary and Jamal this week. Mike T will be subbing in place of Probie while blue will try to rough it without subs unless they can scrounge up a lady last minute (Zisser has been there many times). Green finished first last season with much the same core, but blue looks to be much improved over last season’s squad that managed a shockingly bad 15 goals in 9 games. Take blue to open the season strong against an undermanned green team.

Purple People Eaters (+135)
Hungry Hippos (-175)
Over 5.5 (-140)
Under 5.5 (EVEN)

Notes: To attain an NFL franchise you have to pass a rigorous background check, put up hundreds of millions of dollars personally and be approved by the board of governors. In D5 it seems all you have to do is lose a ton of money gambling on games. Julie is on hiatus for the fall season and in her place to steward the purple team is Captain Jack and his merry band of roommates. Jack made some truly confounding decisions during the draft but despite his best efforts still ended up with a solid collection of players. That being said, Hicks skipped work today and has been getting hyped up on pre-workout and Michigan highlight tapes all afternoon. After three seasons as the Hippos and a quick detour into Ronkonkoma, the Happy Little Elves are starting the season against their new rivals and should start it out with a bang. Bet the farm on yellow. (**editors note: mid season Hicks decided to rebrand BACK to Hippos)

Hicks will be playing the role of dude on the left about to pee on them.

Stud Puffins (-120)
The Charging Cheetahs (-120)
Over 5.5 (-110)
Under 5.5 (-130)

Notes: The final game of the evening sees the two teams picked as the most likely championship contenders by the league book facing off in the primetime game (now that’s how you garner ratings). The Puffins have some of the best goaltending and ladies in the league…tonight, Tim K will backstop a top line with Sena and Meg on it and Derek/Neil up front. The Cheetahs will counter with defense and depth as Ariel/Fleming are as good of a 1-2 as there is in this league with Carlin at the other point (UPDATE: Carlin is a last minute scratch tonight and will be replaced by a lady from the earlier games). Nate will be shooting for a rookie of the year title while Jon looks to follow up last season’s draft sleeper of the year award win with a strong sophomore campaign. The matchup between Tim and Max in net will be fun but I’m also curious to see the contrasting defensive styles of Ariel “Dad” Imas and Dan “Creed” Creeden in what should be a tightly contested, competitive game. At home following their first final four appearance since the league expanded to eight teams, the Cheetahs are going to be a very tough opponent for everyone this season, but I think orange has the right stuff this season.

Leave a Reply