Week 1 Box Scores (Spring 2021)

Hungry Hippos vs Spicy Tuna Rolls

1st Period:
TUN (1-0) – Mike T (1) (assisted by Annie) (1:11)
TUN (2-0) – Chris Fullam (1) (assisted by Mike Warren) (5:32)
TUN (3-0) – Mike T (2) (unassisted) (6:58)
HIP (1-3) – Jake Braun (1) (assisted by Josh) (9:45)
HIP (2-3) – Jake Braun (2) (assisted by Meg) (11:20)
2nd Period:
HIP (3-3) – Steve Friedman (1) (assisted by Matt Russo) (11:38)
3rd Period:
TUN (4-3) – Steve Rys (1) (assisted by Mike T) (12:47)

GAME NOTES: The first game of the reopening was a spirited affair that, for the first time in league history, began with 6 skaters per side and no goalies (unless you count Kolenberg and Friedman bravely standing in front of their nets with no gear)…Mike T scored the first goal of the season 1:11 in when he rifled a shot past several confused/scared defenders. Asked for comment, Mike T noted that his shot was so good it would’ve gone in even with a goalie…Dave GDR entered the yellow net five minutes in but without a warmup, and Chris Fullam made him pay with a snipe assisted by legendary power forward and Ullman-crusher Mike Warren…after Mike T scored off the faceoff, Mario Lemieux style, skinny Braun decided it was time to showcase the slim physique that Jenna demands with two goals in a span of 1:35 to cut the purple lead to one and make Jack very sad…Steve Friedman, who had been standing in the yellow net hoping not to get decapitated for the first five minutes, got a measure of revenge with his first goal of the season with just 1:22 left in the 2nd…after two Dave GDR saves on Mike T breakaways and one miraculous toe save on a net mouth scramble, this game seemed destined for overtime and league managers were not pleased as we only had so much daylight for the two games. Steve Rys will probably get discounted registration next season as he scored the game winner with 13 seconds left to give purple a hard fought first victory of the season…Maurice became perhaps the first player in league history to get injured twice in the same game…the Hippos will look to regroup next week as they host their home opener against Meg’s period. The Tuna will look to keep rolling with a goalie to be named later as they host the very formidable, very sexy Sex Panthers.

3rd – Jake Kolenberg (incredible equipment-less goaltending)
2nd – Jake Braun (2G)
1st – Mike T (2G, 1A)

Sex Panthers vs Green Street Hooligans

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Probie (1) (assisted by Cherie) (1:48)
2nd Period:
GSH (2-0) – Austin Lyons (1) (assisted by Shannon) (7:58)
3rd Period:
SEX (1-2) – AFrey (1) (assisted by ARock) (6:38)
SEX (2-2) – Casca (1) (assisted by AFrey) (10:37)
SEX (3-2) – ARick (1) (unassisted) (11:50)

GAME NOTES: The final game of the evening featured the still defending champion Green Street Hooligans taking on a shorthanded Sex Panthers squad which started the game with a league record low four roster guys to go with three roster ladies and Casca in a rare forward sub appearance…Probie opened the scoring on his first shift of the game with an impressive backhander in tight to give green a 1-0 lead. The Hooligans almost ran the Panthers off the court in the first period and it could have easily been a 3-0 or 4-0 affair if not for the heroics of Waldman…Austin Lyons gave green a 2-0 lead midway through the 2nd off a feed from Shannon, her first D5 point…with 6:22 left in the game blue finally got on the board with a snapshot that Jack demanded I describe as “bar down” in this recap…the second goal came on a scramble in front where the ball was loose, AFrey knocked it off the post and Casca just barely squeezed the rebound by a sprawled out deLacy. Shaun was ready to whoop ass as he claimed a stick was impressing his ability to make a play but thankfully for blue’s asses, after the game it turned out that stick belonged to one of his own teammates…with 1:10 left and both teams seemingly gearing up for OT, Alex Rickard got a wrist shot through a ton of traffic in front and through the goalie’s legs to give blue an improbable late 3-2 lead….the final minute was nonstop domination by green who hit one post and had about six chances on a scramble that featured the goalie and two blue players sprawled in front of the net. Somehow the ball never made its way in the net and after Rockoff almost got killed in the corner, the final buzzer rang and the Sex Panthers escaped with a victory…somehow the blue team has three Alex’s, a Ryan and a Ryann, a Dana two Davids and a Davis, making running the bench and writing these recaps a borderline nightmare. I have no idea why I did this to myself except that they’re all just so damn sexy…these two teams will face off again in the final game of the season. Until then, green will look to get in the win column as they host The Goaldiggers next week while blue gets a matchup against the 1-0 Spicy Tuna Rolls.

3rd – Probie (1G)
2nd – AFrey (1G, 1A)
1st – Ryan Waldman (2 GA)

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