Shocking news out of Vegas this morning as the first trade in league history was executed late last night in the craps pit of the Bellagio. After much negotiation, The Goaldiggers have sent Adam Herman east to the Maine-based Crimson Wave in exchange for versatile defender Paul Chester. Though the deal is basically a straight one for one, the official trade is Herman for Chester plus a bag of pucks, indicating that technically at some point this season Tarnow has to buy Meg a bag of pucks. Both players agreed to waive their NTCs for the deal to go through, as did the pucks.
In his first statement since the deal was announced, Goaldigger CEO Tarnow said “The Goaldiggers are excited Paul is joining the team to help us in our push for a playoff spot in a league where everyone makes the playoffs. We thank Adam for his 3 weeks of service to the team. His leadership, strategic mind, and overall hockey knowledge will be missed. We wish him well at this next stage of his career.”
For his part, Herman (pictured here dressed as creepy alcoholic Santa Claus) seemed excited to tackle a new challenge. Perhaps best known for his Teemu Selanne goal celebration two years ago, Adam has worked hard to rehabilitate his hard partying prima-donna image and has indeed been embraced as an elite locker room guy, a fact evidenced by this very trade. In a press release issued last night at 12:30 AM from the bathroom of Brother Jimmy’s, he seemed excited to bring his talents to Meg’s period, saying “following lengthy discussions with Tarnow, as well as a desperate plea from Meg, I have agreed to my discharge from the Goaldiggers. Although I enjoyed my time wearing the white, I am eager to begin this new period of my career with the Crimson Wave. I will be out for blood on Tuesday when I face my former team and will do my best to cramp them in their defensive zone, cycle the puck, pad my stats, and rag on Casca post-whistle as I help my new club take its first step towards inserting the Cup into our trophy case.” Nicely done Mr Herman.
Reached for comment via email, Wave captain and CEO Meg Fortier was blackout drunk and promised to release a statement today, although who knows if she even remembers that promise or the trade itself. At press time, neither Paul nor his agent had responded to a request for comment but this story will be updated if that happens. Back in New York City, league headquarters are ecstatic that a trade has finally being made. D5 CFO Jenn Popack remarked that this was a major milestone in league history and that she is now hard at work on her own swap to send disgruntled winger Ramy to the Toronto Maple Leafs in exchange for Mitch Marner and William Nylander. Jenn being Jenn, she will also be insisting on receiving an additional bag of pucks in the deal, and knowing Kyle Dubas, she’ll probably get it. In a related announcement, the league’s first ever midseason trade deadline has been set: Sunday June 20 at 11:59 PM. Once the summer solstice hits we are done with trades and rosters will lock for the playoffs. With only two weeks left until then and the ice officially broken, the stage has been set for some late season player movement and our D5 insiders will have all the scoops for you as they break.
10:53 AM Update: Wave Issues Statement
Official Statement from the Wave Organization:
Note: Management was busy both mourning our loss and celebrating our newfound talent at the time of press release. We feel no need to apologize.
“The Wave is thrilled to be a part of D5 history and wish Paul luck on his transition; his defensive talents and vision on the court will serve the Goaldiggers well. Known and sought after for his good attitude and guaranteed good time, Adam is a welcome addition to the Wave. With the battle of the Upper East side on the horizon and Meg’s mental health dropping with each loss, the Wave believe this may be the spark that gets the people and the team going. Roll Wave.”