Week 5 Betting Lines (Spring 2022)

Mavericks (EVEN)
Hungry Hippos (-140)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)

Notes: I can’t believe we’re actually playing games tonight but here we are, staring down the barrel of possibly rain showers no earlier than 7:00. They never make it easy on us for some reason. Anyways, this game is the most likely to be completed and features a Hippos team that’s vaulted up to 3rd place on the heels of a +11 goal differential in two games vs Cup Size against a Mavericks team desperate for their first victory of the season. They’ve only played two games but as the great Yogi Berra used to say, it’s getting late early for the Mavs (he said the first part, he didn’t know who the hell the Mavs were). Assuming we somehow finish all of tonight’s games, by the end of the evening 4 of 9 teams will have played half their regular season schedules. The Mavericks were impressive in game 1 vs blue, less so in Friday’s 6-2 loss to the Royals but were notably missing several key players including Ludwig, Jack and Malik. They may not be doing that much better tonight as several key players have continued to neglect their emails while Malik continues to feel under the weather and is a GTD for this one. The Hippos aren’t doing so great themselves though as Andrea, Herman, Joe P and Chris Fullam are all out. Neither team has asked for subs so we will likely see two lines per side and all sorts of minutes up for grabs for their top players. With full rosters, I would have this game as a pick’em, possibly even a slight edge to red in a classic trap game for yellow after Neil set a record with six goals on Friday night and just before next week’s highly anticipated Preworkout Bowl. With the massive uncertainty facing red right now I have no choice but to install the Hippos as the favorites and possibly throw a few bucks on them to win.

The Goaldiggers (-135)
The Blue Balls Of Sex (-105)
Over 9.0 (-110)
Under 9.0 (-135)

Notes: A matchup many pundits believed might be a championship preview is maybe 70% to actually happen and now gets an added shot to the groin as Hogg is out for white while Ariel, Joe and Campbell are out for blue. AJ will sub in for the Goaldiggers as they look to shake off Friday’s OT loss to the Kraken and get back to the form they showed in dismantling the Royals just a week ago. Both teams will have major questions to answer: for white, it will be if they can find secondary scoring behind the Guido/Tarnow unit with Miles a GTD for this one (trending in though). Considering he is out for the playoffs, they will need to figure that out fast if their title aspirations are going to come true. Meanwhile blue was built around defense but won’t have Ariel or Joe tonight, leaving either Sam, Corey or Sully to slot in with me and Sig back there. Will the makeshift D be enough to stop one of the best 1-2 punches in the league, 3 if you count Tash, 4 if Miles plays? God I wish Ariel didn’t live in Florida. Despite only losing one game this season blue dropped to 5th in the standings due to teams around winning and the tiebreaker system. In fact, the blue/orange 4th/5th place in the standings question went to the 5th tiebreaker of least goals allowed which means had week 2’s 8-6 blue victory over red been a much more reasonable 5-3, we actually would have had to solve the standings with a 21 cup game which, despite Scotty’s rampant cheating, I am confident Team Sex would have taken down. Either way, this is a big stay away game as it could easily end up being 4-2, 7-6 or anything in between. James McQuade, come on down!

The Grapes (EVEN)
Royals (-140)
Over 7.5 (-115)
Under 7.5 (-125)

Notes: Derek’s revenge game against last season’s Barrel captain Jack will have to be put on hold as Derek is out for this game after a truly electric Friday night in which he picked up a hat trick to vault to top 5 in league scoring. It was easily orange’s strongest showing of the season but whether they can replicate it without their first round pick will be the million dollar question of the night. Grapes should ice a mostly full lineup as no absences have been reported but they’ve been middle of the road to start the season with one regulation win, one regulation loss and one overtime win. More surprising is that a team led by Jack and Austin has struggled mightily to score goals, ranking 2nd to last in goals per game with an average of 3. That doesn’t sound so bad until you realize that 6 of the 9 teams in the league are averaging 4 or more as D5, much like the NHL, has become way more high scoring the past few seasons. Max was the 1st goalie drafted this season and as such will have to continue to earn his contract and keep purple in games with the flashy acrobatic saves fans have come to know and love. Even without Derek, however, I think orange has the edge in this one as Meg picked up 3 points on Friday while Scotty and rookie of the year darkhorse Noah each picked up 2. As long as Zisser’s head is in the game and not in Vegas where we will be in less than 24 hours, I’m taking orange to keep their momentum going and pick up the W in what could be their goalies final game without chlamydia (just kidding, he’s had that for years).

My Cup Size Is Stanley (+200)
Green Street Hooligans (-380)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)

Notes: Now we’re in the range of almost-definitely-not-getting-finished games. Assuming this game does happen, Westley and Otis are GTDs for green while black hasn’t submitted any injury reports to me and seems to have a mostly full lineup in for this one, although who really knows. Zero clue how to handicap a game where two of the best players on one team are GTDs, the other team hasn’t submitted an injury report and I don’t even know if the game itself will happen. Also not totally sure who black’s goalie would be as Corey is still on the IR and Jack has the game immediately preceding and following this one; he claims he can complete the change in under 10 minutes but if he backs out like he did in week 1 it will be Cam or Jacob. More stay away vibes from this line as well.

The Grapes (+105)
Green Street Hooligans (-150)
Over 7.5 (-105)
Under 7.5 (-135)

Notes: I would be shocked if this game actually happened. If it does and either Westley or Otis play, I’m taking green. End of preview.

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