NOTE: Yes, I know Tuesday’s previews were also called Week 9 Betting Lines but since zero games went down that day this is now the official Week 9. We now return to your regularly scheduled somewhat half-assed but less so than Tuesday previews.
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-145)
East River Kraken (+105)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)
Notes: Games are on for tonight and they are going to be a total disaster. For once the forecast calls for 0% chance of rain but also on the forecast is a ton of sub players, sub refs, sub goalies and weird hockey. This game will be the first of two 4v4 matchups on the evening as Cup Size will be icing a mostly full lineup with Dave GDR in net while the Kraken only have Jared, Davis, Dan, Lily and Chris B from their roster confirmed in. Braun is a GTD with a booster-induced headache; Dan Burns and Cat Tremble will sub for Kraken along with Sam G who subbed for them in their 4v4 victory last week. A fairly close matchup all things considered but, for the first time all season, Cup Size must be favored here with Shelly, Cherie and notorious sex-haver Sean Gavin all in the lineup for black while Kraken have a roster in flux including a dude who just spent a week at Coachella and is probably bringing back all sorts of diseases, and I’m not just talking about COVID (hi Davis!). Also while this game is now set with subs, we currently have zero refs for it. Hooray Fridays!
Royals (-105)
The Blue Balls Of Sex (-135)
Over 8.5 (-120)
Under 8.5 (-120)
Notes: I have no idea what’s going on in this one; my team has only six rostered players showing up and I actually think we should be favored. Lineup for blue will be Alex (aka me), Sig, Sully, Campbell, Caitlin and Ellie with Jacob in net while the Royals have Noah, Russo, Mike Wright, Meehan, Meg, Shannon, Jess and who the hell knows who in net. With Zisser still in Israel, Jack boozing with McQuade and pretty much every rostered goalie either out of town or already playing multiple games, its slim pickings for the Royals who must now decide whether to put the Meguum in net or if they need her more at forward (likely). They’re super lucky that Sam realized at the last minute that tonight is the Islanders last game of the season and he really should be there, but not lucky enough to be favored in this matchup. Definitely a winnable game for either team considering the state of both these rosters, but I’m favoring blue because at least we have a goalie confirmed and if we don’t win this game I might set myself on fire like that Buddhist monk in Vietnam.
UPDATE: Jack in net for orange. Russo rejoices, but blue still slightly favored.
Mavericks (-110)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-130)
Over 8.0 (-120)
Under 8.0 (-120)
Notes: Wow, a game with no subs? Just kidding, red needs a few because Jason Campbell is out, Ludwig isn’t answering texts, Jack R continues to be on strike (to what end, we may never know) and Malik is a GTD for some reason. Also bash brother Mahoney is out of action too, leaving red in need of some relief. In order to get Jack in for the previous game and away from boozing all night with McQuade I had to broker an agreement to get James in a game so here it is: McQuade will sub for black, who decidedly did not want to play against him, while Jack will sub as a forward for the Mavericks along with one or two other dudes that I will pull from another game or die trying. The crazy thing is this is actually a pretty huge game as odds are one of these two teams is going to be the first team in league history to miss the playoffs. Should be a good deal of intensity from the black team; prob not a ton from red seeing as they’re a far more laid back group. I’m calling this a borderline coin-flip and the stay away special of the night. I would call it the McQuade special but felt wrong seeing as he’s actually playing in this game. He has promised to try to keep his mauling instincts in check but who the hell knows.
Green Street Hooligans (+110)
The Goaldiggers (-155)
Over 8.0 (-130)
Under 8.0 (-110)
Notes: Goaldiggers will be missing Miles, Cantor and Sanchick will Hooligans will be without Probie, Charlotte, Yehuda and Scott. Neither team has their starting goalie in the lineup, of course. Goalies for this one will most likely be Chris B for white and Dave GDR for green. This is another huge matchup for the standings; if white wins they have a stranglehold on the #1 seed going into the final few weeks of the season while a green regulation win would put them just one point back. The fans would have loved to see Probert and Miles face off in this one but hey, its Friday and apparently these guys have better things to do this weekend than stay in the city playing hockey (apparently, I do not). Green has specifically requested no subs while white will need one or two to get up to two lines. Also Tarnow and Lerner are coming late from an ice hockey game which is a slight edge to green because Tarnow has better stats and because Lerner is late to every game anyways. Yet another brutal game to handicap but I have to give the edge to the Goaldiggers who have had a great season thus far and will hope to solidify their grip on the 1 seed tonight.