The Walleyes (-180)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (+130)
Over 5.0 (-135)
Under 5.0 (-105)
Notes: Jack told me his team’s roster was going to be rough for Fridays, then this morning when I called him as I sometimes do on weekdays when I’m bored and I know he’s not doing shit, he told me his roster includes him, Louis, Kev, Courtney, Jeff Green…I would say I felt lied to but honestly that’s just good negotiating. Cup Size is in decent shape with Simon and Jeff Oberg in but they’re missing Jason Campbell, Hilary, McCauley and a host of others that I’m too lazy to look up because this has been a rough week. ScottyK will sub for black, probably Wagner, probably someone else to be named later. Black’s got some nice momentum going with 3 wins in their last 4 but I’m not sure it will be enough against a close to full strength Walleyes squad. Bet on purple to continue their strong season in what might be Jeff Green’s final night before he heads to Canada, Burning Man and who the hell knows where else.
MelRose Place (+115)
Hungry Hippos (-160)
Over 5.0 (-135)
Under 5.0 (-105)
Notes: Both captains asked for this game to be rescheduled but with similar amounts of pain on the menu and the most absurd schedule crunch of all time, we are playing on. Hippos have 5 guys, 2 gals and Casca in net while MelRose continues to have downright bizarre attendance with Ramy (somehow playing his final game of the season already), Paul, Dave GDR, DRo and Mel in from the roster. They’ll get some rando subs including one of DRo’s ice hockey friends and a goalie who is likely named Jeff Green but after an early season victory over orange the lack of chemistry has started to weigh them down a bit. Hopefully getting DRo back will help them out but I think Cutler and Casca will hold the fort for yellow and make Hicks slightly less sad that he’s not in town for this one.
The Walleyes (-140)
The Goaldiggers (EVEN)
Over 6.0 (-125)
Under 6.0 (-115)
Notes: Purple is back in action here and facing a Goaldiggers squad that is once again quite sexist: 6 guys, a goalie and 0 girls. No word if anyones getting sued but they’ll get some reinforcements in two women who saw some unspeakable things in Detroit, Andrea and Ellie. Guido/Tarnow running every other shift is going to give white a great chance to pick up their first win of the season; more shocking than their winless record is that they’ve only scored two goals in 4 full games (not counting the postponed OT game). But against a close to full-strength purple squad, I’m not sure if it’ll be enough. Then again, they barely lost to this Walleyes squad a few weeks ago, the closest they’ve come to a win this season, just barely going down in a shootout. I’m staying away from this game betting-wise. Also this will be somewhere in between a minigame and a full game with 10 minute periods so tread lightly with the over/under.
Red Rockets (-130)
The Goaldiggers (-110)
Over 5.5 (+1000000000000)
Under 5.5 (-1000000000000)
Notes: This game was tied 2-2 going into OT thanks to my former friend Corey scoring a goal with 1:02 left to force OT and make me very sad. Sully and Meg will no doubt be watching this game closely (aka not at all) to see which of them actually won their final game showdown. Also if anyone wants to bet the over on this game, which would only be possible if someone scored, it counted but for some reason I let the game go on and more goals were scored before Jenn or I noticed we were going bankrupt, I have offered plus one trillion odds, meaning a bet of $20 would pay $200 billion if this 2-2 OT game ended 4-2, 5-3, 8-7 or whatever. Basically I don’t think there’s enough alcohol or ketamine on the planet to run through the mathematical certainty this game ends with 5 total goals but if you want to bring your war chest of party favors and give it a try, by all means. Also for all the wise asses who are thinking of making some quick cash by betting the under I should also note that a max bet of $20 on under 5.5 would pay out one five millionth of a cent, meaning if we played 4 D5 games every single night, regardless of weekends or holidays, for the foreseeable future it would take you just over 3400 years to make a penny. Yay math! Jess excited!
Julie’s Football Club (-120)
Red Rockets (-120)
Over 5.5 (-120)
Under 5.5 (-120)
Notes: I really hope we can play this game out because it seems like it’ll be a quality showdown between two of the top teams in the league. Red is currently in first place, albeit having played the most games in the league at 7, while orange has the 2nd highest points per game of any team. Red will have Cam in net while orange will have Jeff Green who evidently has even more stamina in net than he does with Swedish women in the back of a van. Orange is missing Brad Nate and a few guys, red is missing a few players themselves. Super evenly matched game between two elite teams, the speed of red going against the all-around skill of orange. Standard disclaimer that I may be biased because I drafted half of orange but I’m betting George pots at least two goals and orange sneaks away with the win. Boozefest to follow at Dorrian’s after games conclude. Clothing optional.