D5 Power Rankings (Volume III) (Spring 2023)

Welcome to Volume III of the D5 Power Rankings, a new feature we will premier this season so that league members can get mad at other people’s rankings of their teams and not just my own. Methodology is simple; each week I will send a poll to a select group of league insiders (aka people who have nothing better to do but fill out a street hockey survey every week), then I will collate their responses along with my own into these unified ranks. Rankers are asked to weigh both recent performance and playoff projections. This week we had 9 respondents to the poll, our highest yet. Happy days for D5 Power Ranking aficionados, alcoholics and the generally unemployable (sizable overlap in those demographics).

1) I Just Blue Myself

Previous Rank: 1 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 1.33
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 3
1st Place Votes: 7 of 9

Comments: Mixed week for blue with two convincing wins over white and green on Tuesday, then two tight losses against yellow and black on Friday. Rankers seem to weigh the depleted nature of Friday’s lineup very heavily and thus blue still receives 7 of 9 first place votes and pole position in these ranks.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “Lost to black in OT with many of their team missing is just more of a testament how good they are. I would take them over the field right now to win championship.” (editors note: you are truly too kind, anonymous ranker)

2) MelRose Place

Previous Rank: 3 (up 1)
Average Rank: 2.67
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 4
1st Place Votes: 1 of 9

Comments: Yellow loses to black in OT on Tuesday but then hands blue their first loss of the season Friday. While blue’s lineup was severely depleted, yellow also played without Wes, Sean and Izzy so the win cannot be discounted. They’ve played one game at full strength and they won it 5-2. Rankers very bullish on the 90s themed apartment complex.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “When Wes and Kittridge are in, this team is really scary. Two of the best two-way players, Danilo and Izzy on D, a bunch of very solid role players, and almost no real holes, this team is very well built for D5 hockey. Probably the team best suited to take down a full Blue roster (Friday was impressive but both teams were super short so it doesn’t really count).” (editors note: you are truly too kind, other anonymous ranker)

3) The Narwhals

Previous Rank: 2 (down 1)
Average Rank: 3.78
Highest Rank: 1
Lowest Rank: 7
1st Place Votes: 1 of 9

Comments: Purple hangs on to top 3 seeding despite a surprising 7-5 drubbing at the hands of pink that was not nearly as close as the score indicated (they were down 6-1 in the 3rd). Still, they are the defending champs and there is much respect out there for what Jack and Annie can do. The supporting cast has a lot of rookies but one of them is tied for first in points and the team as a whole looks solid from top to bottom.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “The rookie of the year frontrunner’s trading card picture features him with a half visor in a beer league game. One lesson I’ve learned from these “halfsies” guys is that they are either 1) crazy, 2) crazy good, or 3) both. Yet to play purple, but stats show he’s #2 or #3.”

4) Julie’s Football Club

Previous Rank: 6 (up 2)
Average Rank: 4.22
Highest Rank: 3
Lowest Rank: 5

Comments: Finally getting some respect after a frankly shocking preseason #9 ranking, orange just continues to rack up wins and has the 2nd highest points per game in the league behind only blue. Tash’s questionable status for playoffs is a concern but this is one of the deepest teams in the league.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “I am bullish on orange, mostly because I am on orange, but also because Tash and Malik are on orange. Our team continues to 1) build chemistry as time progresses and 2) grind out tight games. Yet to face a “top contender” this season, something tells me we’ll grind out those games as well. Orange likes to grind, in a totally non-sexual way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” (editors note: nice)

5) Hungry Hippos 2.0

Previous Rank: 4 (down 1)
Average Rank: 4.33
Highest Rank: 2
Lowest Rank: 7

Comments: Even an OT win over blue could not stop black from sliding down one spot. The team clearly has a ton of talent on the lineup but rankers are seemingly unimpressed with 0 regulation wins in 5 games. Still, 3 OT wins is nothing to sneeze at and with Hicks, Hogg & Satok all scoring at a prolific rate, the ceiling on this team remains sky high.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “Looks like this team drafted purely based on height. Would be undefeated if the nets were perched on 10-ft risers. Unfortunately they may be vulnerable to a dump & chase game and/or opponents with fast forwards.”

6) Green Street Hooligans

Previous Rank: 7 (up 1)
Average Rank: 5.56
Highest Rank: 3
Lowest Rank: 7

Comments: Green moves up one spot in the ranks after a 2-2 week. A very tough group to get a read on, they have talent and speed but apply it inconsistently. Defensive zone play has also left something to be desired although Ellie did backcheck for the first time in her career last week so maybe she’ll make it a habit. Not likely though.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “Green is underrated. Tom and Neil pack one of the best 1-2 punches in the league, Yehuda is growing into one of the better 2-way players in the league, and they don’t really have a weak point in their lineup.”

7) Chili Peppers

Previous Rank: 5 (down 2)
Average Rank: 6.11
Highest Rank: 5
Lowest Rank: 7

Comments: A surprising slide for red as they had Sam in the lineup last week but lost two heartbreakers in OT. The talent on this team remains formidable but they just haven’t quite clicked yet. If they ever do, watch out: like black, their ceiling is as high as anyone in the league.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “Red has been dominating possession in their games, but lack of an elite sniper is an issue. Coupled with some bad luck and all losses being 1 goal games, they’re better than what their record shows.”

8) Medium Rare

Previous Rank: 8 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 8.22
Highest Rank: 8
Lowest Rank: 9

Comments: They should probably be getting more respect after an impressive and convincing victory over a mostly full strength Narwhals but public continues to worry about their penalty troubles and legal troubles. There is too much talent on the roster not to make some noise but how far they can actually go remains to be seen.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “Considering the hours of penalty minutes, Pink starts each game down a goal or two. Very hard to win like that. They do have the legs to run any team into the ground and a whole bunch of players that can score at any moment, so look for them to upset a team or two, but probably too inconsistent to be able to make a real run, especially when they’re probably going to enter the payoffs as a bottom seed and would need to win 4+ games.”

9) Shooting Blancs

Previous Rank: 9 (unchanged)
Average Rank: 8.78
Highest Rank: 8
Lowest Rank: 9

Comments: They did not pick up their first W of the season yet but getting Cara back in the lineup paid immediate dividends as she picked up four points in her first game and got them to a shootout where they lost to green. It was a highly encouraging effort and one they will need plenty more of if they are going to avoid the play-in matchup.
Comment From Anonymous Ranker: “We are entering the third act of a Shakespearean tragedy. Basically, the inflection point of the season. Can they turn it around and build some momentum for a playoff push? Or will this be a Spring that Simon would rather forget? Simon is good at hockey. I like Simon. As such, I hope it’s the former. Plus now I am hearing people are stealing his sticks? Guy can’t catch a break.”

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