Week 10 Box Scores (Spring 2023)

Julie’s Football Club vs I Just Blue Myself

1st Period:
JFC (1-0) – Mitch (5) (unassisted) (1:20)
JFC (2-0) – Dave Liang (4) (assisted by Tash) (4:30)
JFC (3-0) – Mitch (6) (assisted by Tash) (11:43)
2nd Period:
JFC (4-0) – Tash (3) (unassisted) (7:55)
JFC (5-0) – Aditya (1) (assisted by Tash) (7:55)

GAME NOTES: Orange makes a statement heading into the playoffs. After being written off the past week or so after a few losses, a 5-0 against the top team will surely vault them back up the standings and the next edition of the power rankings. Tash pretty much locks up her first ladies’ scoring title with four points in this game while Zisser pretty much locks up his first D5 goaltending award. Sexy times for orange as the franchise looks for their 2nd D5 championship in 3 seasons.

3rd – Mitch (2G)
2nd – Zisser (W, SO)
1st – Tash (1G, 3A)

The Narwhals vs I Just Blue Myself

1st Period:
NAR (1-0) – Jaimie (1) (assisted by Russo) (2:49)
BLOW (1-1) – Pags (1) (assisted by Cherie) (3:54)
BLOW (2-1) – Pags (2) (assisted by Sam Gelman) (7:50)
2nd Period:
BLOW (3-1) – Sam Gelman (8) (assisted by Pags) (3:23)
3rd Period:
BLOW (4-1) – Pags (3) (assisted by Justin McNeil) (2:02)
NAR (2-4) – Adam Herman (3) (assisted by Jaimie) (8:02)
NAR (3-4) – Jack (10) (assisted by Jaimie) (9:54)
BLOW (5-3) – Sam Gelman (9) (assisted by Cherie) (10:46)
NAR (4-5) – Jack (11) (assisted by Jacob) (11:15)
BLOW (6-4) – Alex (3) (EN) (unassisted) (12:03)

GAME NOTES: A surprisingly high scoring contest as a 3-1 game going into the 3rd period saw 5 goals scored in a 4 minute span near the end of regulation. Although purple repeatedly came back and cut the lead to one, they were unable to tie it up and blue held on for a 6-4 win, clinching a top two seed and the cover for Ridzik’s dessert line of the week…Pags subbed in this game and picked up a hat trick which is more goals than he has scored for yellow all season. For some reason players always score way more as subs than on their actual teams, a phenomenon observed since our first season in 2018…late in the game Jack scored his 100th point on a goal that almost definitely did not go in, but nonetheless received a ceremony and the game ball for young Jack who entered the league a tadpole and is now a man, like a four year hockey bar mitzvah…I was not originally going to include the video of me wooing but I sent it to a few people via email and they seemed to enjoy it so why not. I have no logical explanation for that or this or many other similar situations except that in a past life I may have been a 19 year old sorority girl.

3rd – Jack (2G)
2nd – Cherie (2A)
1st – Pags (3G, 1A)

Green Street Hooligans vs MelRose Place

1st Period:
GSH (1-0) – Mike Stern (10) (assisted by Amanda) (11:30)
2nd Period:
MRP (1-1) – Jeff Jacobson (4) (assisted by Mo) (4:49)
MRP (2-1) – Jeff Jacobson (5) (assisted by Pags) (7:33)
3rd Period:
GSH (2-2) – Mike Stern (11) (assisted by Neil) (5:01)
GSH (3-2) – Eli Karp (2) (assisted by Amanda) (12:40)

GAME NOTES: This was a tremendous back-and-forth game before Pags went in the corner with Amanda with 20 seconds left, she went down and by the universal rules of coed sports a penalty was called on the guy who has 30 pounds on her. Although Amanda later admitted she slipped, the powerplay stands and the Hooligans took advantage with Amanda (of all people) setting up Eli Karp for the one timer and the game winner. MelRose loses their 7th in a row, pretty much all by close margins. I’d say they’re due for some regression but some voodoo hexes are just too much to overcome…at the end of a game Neil believed he had scored an empty net goal but it only appeared that way due to a clock malfunction. I was going to email him and green’s captains a breakdown of why this was not a goal but fuck it, let’s do this in the box scores.

Here is the clock before the final faceoff showing 20 seconds, even though there were actually 19.6.  The extra 0.4 was for Rich’s many complaints throughout the day and because the scoreboard only lets me pick round numbers of seconds.

Here is the ball being dropped at 49:09 of the video.

Now had Neil shot the ball right here it could have made it in time and he would have gotten the goal.  But if there’s anything we know about Neil it’s that he is full of hubris, a classic term from ancient greek literature which Rich is no doubt furiously Googling as you read this.​

Ball is very clearly still on stick at 49:29 which is when 20 seconds have elapsed and the buzzer should have gone off if scoreboard wasn’t celebrating Cinco de Mayo early.

When the ball finally does go in, it’s at 49:30 and over 20 seconds have elapsed.  The game is over.  Despite two scoring titles, Neil will have to live with this shame for the rest of his days.

TL; DR – Life is unfair for Mel and kind of Neil, but green still wins the game. Mr Zuckerman, their 1st round draft pick / Phish aficianado has one point on the season but Hooligans remain in 3rd place with a chance to finish 1st with two regulation wins on Tuesday. Truly remarkable stuff by Captain Yehuda who by the way has not scored a single point since he was texting me every morning about how he was D5’s leading scorer back at the 2 point mark.

3rd – Amanda (2A)
2nd – Jeff Jacobson (2G)
1st – Mike Stern (2G)

Chili Peppers vs Shooting Blancs

2nd Period:
CHI (1-0) – Tarnow (7) (assisted by Sam) (6:21)
3rd Period:
CHI (2-0) – Ashkon (2) (assisted by Jason Reape) (5:50)
BLNC (1-2) – Cara (5) (assisted by Keith) (7:15)
CHI (3-1) – Sam (5) (unassisted) (9:13)

GAME NOTES: A tight game as expected as the Chili Peppers broke a 0-0 tie midway through the game on yet another Tarnow-from-Sam goal. After Ashkon scored his 2nd of the season and Cara responded to get white back within a goal, Sam sealed the victory with a snipe from the left corner which was especially fortuitous to Dave Liang who took Sam anytime goal scorer all the way to the bank. Bastard…going into the final night of the season red can finish as high as 3rd or as low as 6th depending on scores around the league.

3rd – Cara (1G)
2nd – Ashkon (GWG)
1st – Sam (1G, 1A)

Shooting Blancs vs Hungry Hippos 2.0

1st Period:
HIP (1-0) – Hogg (7) (unassisted) (1:33)
BLNC (1-1) – Simon (6) (assisted by Steve Rys) (2:32)
BLNC (2-1) – Mike Milstein (6) (assisted by Cara) (6:56)
HIP (2-2) – Hogg (8) (assisted by Evan Larkin) (10:10)
2nd Period:
HIP (3-2) – Hogg (9) (unassisted) (7:11)
3rd Period:

HIP (4-2) – Hicks (8) (unassisted) (8:50)
HIP (5-2) – Matt Stabel (2) (assisted by Hogg) (10:18)

GAME NOTES: Hogg was dominant in this one early, scoring black’s opening goal just 1:33 into the game and then proceeding to score their next two as well, prompting a (likely) intoxicated on whiteclaws and testicle pills Hicks to scream that Hogg is a modern day Shaquille O’Neal out there in the paint…black wanted me to note that Abby tried to get a primary assist on the last goal, Hogg selfishly made the pass to Stabel and thus all she gets is an uncredited secondary assist and the deepest sympathies of this week’s box scores…black now awaits the result of Tuesday night’s doubleheader for the Hooligans to see if they will finish in 2nd place and go directly to the final four or in 3rd place and have to await the winner of the 6/7 matchup on May 16. White is locked into the play-in matchup at 6:00 that very same evening.

3rd – Cara (1A)
2nd – Hicks (1G)
1st – Hogg (3G, 1A)

Leave a Reply