The Lavender Llamas (-120)
Shooting Blancs (-120)
Over 7.5 (-150)
Under 7.5 (+110)
Alex Notes: Previews tonight are going to be short and bizarre because a) it might rain, b) I’m on literally 20 minutes of sleep after a highly unexpected Monday night and c) I like people who are short and bizarre. Anyways, the Llamas this season have been rug-pulled nonstop by their lineup as they never seem to have their top 5 picks in, save for an absolutely electric comeback win over the Hippos a few weeks ago. Sam and Annie give them a chance to win any game, but Jess in goal could go either way. Then again, I’ve never seen her play and if I imply she might do poorly she will surely accuse me of sexism. Lucky for me, I’ve been accused of that more times than OJ has been accused of murder (current count: 2). Bet the over and thank me later (or don’t, you ungrateful bastards).
Simon Notes: In the animal kingdom, I think Llamas get the W over dead sperm. In the hockey world, Jessica is subbing in net for Phelps and Blancs have a full lineup, i think Jess will surprise a lot of people but I would hope Blancs get the W.
Hubba Bubba (-170)
The Mighty Mensches (+130)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Alex Notes: The Mensches have Simon in goal and Sully subbing while Hubba gets Geskin in goal and Meg subbing. Also have you ever been to the Dream Hotel? It is an electric place where crazy, unexpected but sometimes magical things happen. As unexpected and magical as the Mensches picking up their first win of the season? Well, sometimes. Looks like there’s a lot of action on just that to happen but I am going for the under play instead. Also tell the elevator attendant you’re in the middle of a divorce. Quality bit, especially if you’re really drunk.
Simon Notes: Mensches get their first W of the season, i’ll make it happen. Thank you
Green Street Hooligans (+150)
Vegas Golden Knights (-200)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Alex Notes: Here’s a Pearl of wisdom for you: blood is thicker than water. While the Hooligans are trying to establish themselves as a team, the Campbell Bros and Moskowitz Bros are partying in Vegas as Max gets the call to sub in net. Meanwhile Rich is sad in Long Island that games might not happen and he might go to work. If he doesn’t play, Vegas by 3. If he does, Vegas by 7. Afterparty at the Yotel. Somebody bring Ruzzle.
Simon Notes: Yehuda and I have rekindled our relationship but i’m a realist so i have Vegas winning heavily this game. Yehuda to look around some more trying to find a spark.
Vegas Golden Knights (-120)
Blueberry Bulldogs (-120)
Over 7.0
Under 7.0
Alex Notes: Il Bacio in Italian is “the kiss.” I know this because I have a poster of it just that above my tv. Does that mean I’m kissing Joe Moskowitz? Unlikely, but Zisser might, although Robyn’s ass is more his type. Idk what I’m saying anymore. Blue to win if this game even happens jesus fuck it just got dark outside.
Simon Notes: I think this’ll be a goalie duel. I got my money on Ziss because he said what’s up to me a lot on saturday and i like that about him (editor’s note: wow that’s a low bar).
Merry Pranksters (-180)
Green Street Hooligans (+140)
Over 6.5 (-110)
Under 6.5 (-130)
Alex Notes: Pellegrino is generally considered the finest mineral water but have you heard of Gerolsteiner (known to classy people by it’s birth name, Gerold)? Someday I’m going to make a hockey team and call them the Pellegrino Punishers. Will anyone play on it besides me? Maybe a plucky sexy little youngster. If you thought that sentence was about either Yehuda or Gelman, you are getting suspended and potentially arrested. Anyways, Hooligans sell out to stop Derek but that just makes him angrier. He balls out, Pranksters win.
Simon Notes: Not sure what their rosters are looking like. If Derek is in then its a pounding from Pranksters. If Derek is out, then its a pounding from the Pranksters.
Blueberry Bulldogs (-160)
The Llavender Llamas (+120)
Over 6.5 (-110)
Under 6.5 (-130)
Alex Notes: The chances of this game being played are getting so low that Sam is going to be positively depressed unless someone gifts him sex coupons. Actually he’s a true gentleman so get him an iced cappucino instead. Ok, I officially have no fucking clue what I’m writing anymore. If this game is played I think blue will win. But I doubt it’s being played. RUG PULL OFFICIAL.
Simon Notes: I’m subbing in for Phelps in this game and Sam is in. i think i’ve cracked the blue code with Green’s win against them last week, Llamas to get the W in a close game. Zisser will never want to play against me again.
RIDZIK’S PALACE OF LOVE GAMBLING
Six games in one night seems like a fun time, and certainly fun to handicap and wager some dough on.
I low-key can’t tell if the Llamas are bad or good or a mixture of both, and the Blancs are as inconsistent as a Mets Starting Pitcher. Irregardless, this game is literally gonna play similar to FDR vs his untied shoelace and I’m gonna have my feet up and enjoy this one. The Llamas committed an assault on Pink even Putin took notes on how to pepper another adversary. When I initially wrote this up, I assumed Phelps was in, which is why I wanted to take the Llamas hot off their shutout win, with full unit on Annie anytime point scorer, but now I’m unsure. Instead, let’s get freaky with it. HAMMER the over, sidecar for shits and giggles on Herman any time point scorer.
In my next preview of yet another Helen Keller vs a Karaoke Machine game, Hubba Bubba is somehow allowed back on the court after a two game assault so bad the U.S. government almost mixed up their next $44 Billion gift to pink. The Mensches on the other hand, while still a shit show at times, have numerology on their side. There’s numeric symbolism in 8 for you heathens who don’t know much about the Tanakh (or most of the Old Testament for those who cant use google). We (meaning I) thought after the 7th game they would sound the trumpets after circling like idiots for the first six games, but instead, their own walls collapsed late to keep them winless. BUT, much like the oil that was supposed to burn for a day, there’s hope and potential celebrating in snipping the 7 game skid. Take the Mensches at plus money as they celebrate their first win in their 8th game.
This game now has a bit more meaning and dare I say, talent. VGK has games in hand to squeak into a top 2 spot while GSH needs a win to climb up the standings a bit more. Both of these teams playing their first game of the night. Frey did a good job to get the undercard out of the way early so the prelims can lead to the main event. And given what I’ve seen, especially first hand in the crease, I don’t think GSH has what it takes to beat VGK, let alone the Campbell brothers alone. VGK ML and sidecar on Jason Campbell ATG, and dessert play on both Jason first goal AND Ellie anytime point scorer.
VGK goes back to back as we hit likely the climax of the evening (well, for most of us, for Herman that likely happened earlier in the Shell bathroom, he said they have “nice” toilet paper) but alas. Blue should be fresh and on a Tuesday night, especially rather late, I expect a full team. While VGK might be tired, they are solid depth wise and should have the gas to give blue a run for their money. This will be a slug fest with some firepower and I expect this to be similar to Game 1 of the ECF. Action back and forth, goalies standing on their heads, and a debatable under play. Sidecar Frey Under 0.5 points in the game (editor’s note: bet this under at your own risk sickos).
I don’t handicap my games, but note Yehuda has my number. Pretty sure he’s scored in every game he’s played against me. No betting edge here. #StatBoyRiz
The Llama certainly stops here. Even if they squeeze out game 1, not sure an entire 3 hours or rest will save them. Assuming a full Blue squad that’s warmed up and a nice 50 minute break in between vs a Llamas team depleted and likely dejected without their captain. Purple may not face Goliath but they certainly got their own Giants. This game shouldn’t even be a game especially since Phelps is out. Expecting to see this be a bloodbath especially with no goalie at the moment known either. Take Blue in a beatdown so savage it’ll make what Simon vs. Yehuda look like like a petty misdemeanor.