96th Street Bastards (+120)
Shooting Blancs (-165)
Over 7.5 (-110)
Under 7.5 (-130)
Notes: It’s that magical day of the year that everyone looks forward to when the world famous Zisser waterfall pic leads off the D5 previews. League experts know this is a magical day although very unfortunately I cannot publish the rest of this conversation.
Standard 2024 disclaimer that the whores I’m referring to are male whores and if you thought anything else you are even more sexist than the people in the above chat.
But why, you may ask, is today that magical day when the waterfall pic that spurred a thousand babies is our lead? Well, there was a trade consummated this weekend between Rich and Jack (at least I hope that was all that was consummated) in which goalies were swapped for the first time in league history. Not since the infamous Patrick Roy deal has a goalie trade so shocked a city to its core. Zisser will join a Bastards squad giving up the 2nd most goals per game in the league and will look to shore that up for them as they embark on their playoff push. Unfortunately this looks like a difficult matchup for them and while they are lucky enough to boast some of the best depth in the league, white seems to have a strong lineup tonight and I have to give them the edge. Blancs to ruin Zisser’s debut and take this one by two.
Simon’s Comments: I’ve been rewatching Mad Men and in the first seasons they have black and white television, simpler times. Anyway, this is a rematch where last week we saw the Blancs come back from a 4-1 deficit. Black had a bunch of absentees and White had Simon (me) watching from afar. This time around im assuming Black has less absentee’s and Simon (me) is back in action. With newly acquired Zisser to make his debut for Black i predict a close game with Blancs to win by a small margin.
Shooting Blancs (-120)
Bluebies (-120)
Over 7.5 (-110)
Under 7.5 (-130)
Notes: This is a possible championship preview but unfortunately as has been tradition since the restart, blue will be super short with two of their top defensemen missing as well as their top lady, Brita. The Blancs must have all their top players in tow because just last night Satok was telling me he was lobbying to play on a power line with Storer and McGuire. I have this game as a total toss-up but in what should be a hard fought well-played game, I might opt to throw a few shekels on the under.
Simon’s Comments: This game has a lot of potential to be good. I have no idea who is missing on Blue but i do know that White has a good lineup so i believe this game will be a close one. Blue are a force this season so they are not be messed with. The Blancs have very good scoring numbers so far, i think this game will be close but who the hell knows. Its a toss, i hope we win.
Jewish Golden Calfs (-1.5 Goals) (-180)
Bada Bing (+1.5 Goals) (+135)
Over 8.5 (-130)
Under 8.5 (-110)
Notes: Purple unveils their new-look lineup with Dave GDR in net and “The Milkman” Joe Fusco looking to deliver a much needed win to his new franchise. It’s been a difficult season for purple ever since Jack asked me to draft their team, then instead popped up on the zoom unexpectedly with his eyes half closed and sipping from a magnum of wine the entire time. Needless to say, this led to a somewhat chaotic draft as purple has a league worst -19 goal differential and Jack’s been sleeping on the couch for the past week (at least he hasn’t been relegated to moving into a shitbag motel…yet). But the purple franchise also has two of the last three cups and with this revamped roster, anything is possible. That said, I have gold coming out ahead in this one as Tash plays her first game since the restart. I also expect this game to be all offense as purple tries out their new shock-and-awe strategy so expect fireworks in this one.
Simon’s Comments: First, this game will feature the best ref duo this league can have, Scott and Simon will officiate this game so expect some tight refereeing to happen. GDR makes his debut for Purple and again i have no idea what attendance looks like for both of these teams. Jack is my boy so i want to say Purple will be in this all game long and squeeze in a victory in. I think i’ll be right. Fusco will make his debut as well and will grind out the whole game, just like Chad Muska in THPS 1 he likes to grind it out. That was a reference for the older people in this league. THPS is the best game of all time. Purple to win.
Bluebies (-260)
Big Deke Energy (+170)
Over 8.0 (-120)
Under 8.0 (-120)
Notes: Mel has been asking begging for subs all morning despite the fact that the roster sizes are pretty much identical. She was able to get out of her 2nd game of the night but does have to play this one. Joe and Dom are out while I keep being told about phantom injuries to Mikey and Ryan, but both are expected to play. I also have no idea who her other lady sub is. Blue is also super short and will be playing their 2nd of the night but I don’t think it’ll really matter here. Bluebies by two-bies (sorry, I had to do it).
Simon’s Comments: Again, this game will have the best refereeing duo the league can ask for as Scott and Simon are both amazing ref’s. Both teams are very good, i expect this to be a low scoring game with good hockey being played all around. I have to give the small upper hand to Blue just because their Montreal player ratio is much higher than Yellow. Montreal hockey players are very good. I’m not biased at all here. Nope. Blue to win by two goals (on of them an empty netter).
Big Deke Energy Merry Pranksters (+130)
Jewish Golden Calfs (-175)
Over 8.5 (-110)
Under 8.5 (-130)
Notes: Well, we have a last minute switch on our hands as Gelman, who has been trying to get his Friday game moved ever since the schedule came out (begging the question of why he didn’t just request that night off, but that’s a story for another day), finally got Mel to agree to swap games. Thus, the Pranksters take over this one while Big Deke Energy plays Friday night. Pranksters seem to have a solid lineup coming in with Gelman, Joel and Tom Fitz all confirmed. Pranksters won’t have Danilo, Calfs won’t have Malik. All in all, it’s a pretty even situation but I have the Calfs winning this one.
Red Eyed Peas (-135)
On Tuesdays We Wear Pink (-105)
Over 8.0 (+110)
Under 8.0 (-150)
Notes: Cara is out with Jaimie coming out of semi-retirement to rotate with Cherie and give red the most fearsome lady duo in the league. Meanwhile pink has zero ladies so they have KG subbing and possibly one more player to be named later although who will be willing to stay this late to sub in a random cold game is anyone’s guess. This game will likely come down to a battle of the JGreen bros as Jeff Green, fresh from his latest extended trip, faces off against league GAA leader and his younger brother from another mother/religion Jacob Green. This is a classic toss-up game; I’m giving the slight edge to red, mostly because that’s the way I see the public betting, but this should be the game of the night.
Simon’s Comments: These teams are so lucky, they’ll ALSO have the best refereeing duo the league can ask for as Scott and Simon will call this game. How lucky is this league?! Nate has been bitching about the Purple and Black trade way too much. I dont even understand why he cares so much since it doesn’t involve him at all. I believe that if you look in the dictionary under Vocal Minority you’ll see a picture of Nate’s face there.
I love you Nate.
Red is missing Cara as she’s in Big Sur doing works things and is sleeping in a little cabin in the woods. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me. Its pretty cold out today so i would assume Tarnow is not going to play. Again i have no idea what attendance looks like for these games so i have to give the upper hand to pink here as they’ve shown to play some very good hockey whilst the White team almost beat Red twice with notable absentee’s. Pink to win by 3 goals.