How’d we do with our Pre-Tournament Betting Lines? Which ones were sharp and which ones were total sucker bets? Although every bet that any D5er made on this tournament lost (seriously), we’re still going to look at each one and see where the book hit and where it missed. Honestly though, most of these were hits. Because, as everyone should know by now, whether you’re at the D5 Sportsbook or an Atlantic City casino – the house always win.
Tournament Winner
Shortis (EVEN)
Thrust Fund (EVEN)
Dirty Mike & The Boys (+200)
High Rollers (+500)
The Nip Slips (+500)
Analysis: This one went just about as expected with the co-favorites odds-wise meeting in the finals while the bottom two teams were almost exactly even as well as exemplified by their 1-1 record against each other. The big surprise here was Dirty Mike & The Boys, who I expected to be competitive, being not just competitive but equal to the top two teams with a 5-0 win over the Shortis, a close-as-it-gets 5-4 loss to Thrust Fund and a 5-4 OT loss to the Shortis in the semifinals. If I had to redo these odds, the top three would all be +160.
Tournament Winner
Thrust Fund or Shortis (-330)
Field (+185)
Analysis: If you took the -330 you won but a) Dirty Mike put a serious scare into you and b) who the fuck is taking -330 lines on a $20 max bet? Not anyone I want to party with, that’s for sure.
Tournament Winner
Shortis (EVEN)
Field (-155)
Analysis: This was just an opportunity to bet against the Shortis at a juiced rate. Still, knowing what we know now, getting Thrust/Beast and Dirty Mike, not to mention black and red all at -155 is kind of a sweet deal.
Prelim Game Line
High Rollers (-145)
The Nip Slips (EVEN)
Analysis: A tough beat for red bettors as their top player Josh the bar manager overslept their first prelim game which they narrowly lost to the Nip Slips. He was there for the rematch in the play-in where he scored both goals en route to a 2-0 victory. I’m pretty happy with this line, all things considered.
Tournament Leading Scorer
Jeff (+140)
Scott Storer (+140)
Ryan (+170)
Jo Robin or Probert (+200)
Sam (+250)
Chad (+250)
Field (+200)
Analysis: There was a ton of talent in this tournament and this was one of the toughest lines to make aside from some of the sex lines (more on that below). I went with the tournament experience of Jeff and Storer in installing them as co-favorites but Ryan came out with four goals in his opening game en route to 7 goals in 3 games and the tournament scoring crown. Not too shabby.
Tournament Leading Lady Scorer
Emma (+110)
Annie (+150)
Field (+110)
Analysis: Annie and the Specs was a punishing line throughout the tournament but amazingly she did not have any points while Emma kind of ran away with this one with five points in three games.
Lowest GAA
Chris (+135)
Max (+155)
Sophia (+320)
Zisser (+420)
Carl (+420)
Analysis: The goalie whose team won the tournament was probably winning this but I had Chris as a slight favorite over Max as I expected the Shortis to be a bit more defensive minded, probably on account of not being brutally hungover, while Thrust Fund would be more run-and-gun. In the end, flip this top two and the rest pretty much went as expected. Sophia does deserve praise for being up there, playing great and also helping coordinate delivery of the luge. Elite business.
Who Will Score More Points
Jeff (-135)
Ryan (-105)
Who Will Score More Points
Probert (-110)
Chad (-130)
Analysis: Two lines pitting OG D5 legends against two of the current top players in the league. In the end new school won out as Ryan won the tournament scoring crown and Chad finished ahead of Probert in the scoring race by virtue of both players having the same goals/assists but Chad playing one less game. That said, the way the line was phrased was not who would finish higher in the scoring race but who would score more points so technically Chad v Probert ends in a push. Rough beat for Chad ML bettors.
Who Will Score More Points
Pete (-105)
Simon (-135)
Analysis: Simon ate minutes for red and even though they scored at a respectable clip (2.33 goals per game, just under the Shortis’ 2.5 goals per game), he didn’t have any points. It’s like that scene near the end of Casino when DeNiro says “maybe Vegas got to all of us” (I can’t link it here but if you pull it up on HBO Max it’s around the 2:23:55 mark). AC definitely got to all of us, but Simon really looked like he was struggling Saturday morning. Anyhow, Pete’s electric buzzer beater to put his team within one in the playoff game seals the win for him.
Who Will Score More Points
Luca French (EVEN)
Matt Bramson (-145)
Analysis: Luca wins this 2-1 although it should be noted he was taking all his teams penalty shots.
Who Has Hooked Up With More Women
Luca French (-120)
Matt Bramson (-120)
Analysis: I had this as a dead heat after Luca showed up blackout drunk after his prom and showed me some nudes a chick was sending him (he swears she’s 18). That said, Bramson informed me in AC that he went to Penn State so that fact alone moves this line to around -160 for Bramson. If you know, you know.
Team To Drink Most At Carmine’s
Thrust Fund (+150)
Dirty Mike & The Boys (+200)
High Rollers (+200)
The Nip Slips (+420)
Shortis (+1700000)
Analysis: There was some serious partying at Carmine’s (more on this later) but particularly considering multiple players from Dirty Mike showed up to the dinner an hour late, this as expected ended up being Thrust Fund in a walk. I’ll just put it this way: at 8:15, the advertised start time of the open bar, literally the only people are Carmine’s were the entire Thrust Fund table plus Joel/Len, who play with us at other tournaments and know better than to show up to our open bars even a minute late. Well done, gentlemen.
Any Player To Get Kicked Out Of Carmine’s
Yes (-120)
No (-120)
Analysis: I have to say, I expected a high level of partying to take place at this dinner but the casual drug use was out of this world and frankly shocking in its excess and depravity. Anyone who took yes and lost suffered a massive beat. Once I saw the groups of people going to the bathroom together, this line was shut down immediately. And yet, not a single person to my knowledge was booted from the premises even though many probably deserved to. I had envisioned this dinner in the style of an organized crime situation but this took that to the next level.
Team With Heaviest Weekend Drug Use
High Rollers (-200)
Field (+140)
Analysis: The only reason this is even in question is because of aforementioned leaguewide depravity at carmines and a massive public circle of insanity that apparently was taking place at Maynard’s. That said, considering red was integrally involved in both and rostering a guy who’s name sounds like a 70s drug dealer (Tom White), this was an easy win for High Rollers bettors. The live line circa midnight on Friday was High Rollers -1000.
Hicks Saturday Night Bar Tab
Over $319.99 (-120)
Under $319.99 (-120)
Analysis: An absolutely brutal beat for under bettors as Hicks, against all odds, keeps his personal spending in check at Maynard’s and mostly just pounds the champagne and tequila on the team/league tab. Unfortunately for them, however, after my credit card received a massive fraud alert, Hicks covered the tab and thus his Saturday night bar spend technically ended up at over $2000. Hate to see it but to be fair that’s around average for him in Nashville. Over gets the miracle cover.
Players To Hook Up W/ Randos (Non-NYC People)
Over 1.5 (+110)
Under 1.5 (-155)
Analysis: Another brutal beat, this one for over bettors. Once blackout-drunk-and-playing-craps-by-herself Jenn took down a local on Thursday night, the over/under moved to 2.5 and we only needed one of the many single people in the tournament (or one of the married ones) to take down one of the many locals at Maynard’s or anywhere in the AC area. Somehow, to my knowledge no one did so unless someone is ready and willing to furnish incontrovertible proof of sex with someone who doesn’t play ball hockey, the under takes it down.
Will Maynard’s Run Out Of Champagne On Saturday Night?
Yes (-145)
No (EVEN)
Analysis: We ordered even more champagne than last year and had an ice luge to utilize all of it, but incredibly they did not run out. To be fair in my call with the manager the preceding Tuesday I specifically requested that she double their weekly order. Great to see that she actually listened in addition to allowing us to bring in our own luge and basically have a private waitress and private security guard for the entire evening. In accordance with my most recent conversation with this fine establishment, when we return next year they’ll have a signed D5 jersey hanging behind the bar. Mark your calendars.
