Week 6 Betting Lines (Fall 2018)

Hungry Hippos (-140)
The Varsity Warriors (EVEN)
Over 7.0 Goals (-120)
Under 7.0 Goals (-120)

The pick: The Hippos are on a roll, #1 in the league in points per game off the strength of a teamwide commitment to defense and destroying buffets.  They were up 3-0 last week when the game was postponed due to biblical rainstorms (Hicks does like to call himself the phareaux) and had that game been played to completion and the Hippos held on, they’d be in first.  Zisser is a bit under the weather (from what, we can only imagine) and deLacy/Hughes are unlikely to play, but the team is otherwise fielding a full roster.  The same cannot be said for the chlamydia Warriors who will be playing tonight without the services of Derek, Brennan and Matt Zimmerman.  Charlotte is on the horn trying to call some ringers but they seem unlikely to make it and may need to make due with the league commissioner as sub (the one without the Yankee tickets / tits).  The Warriors showed a lot of heart last week and came within a hair of their first victory of the season but Cherie’s blast was too much and Cup Size eventually prevailed in OT.  Also, apparently Matt Russo has been trapped in an elevator for half the day and is hoping to make it out by gametime (no, I am not making that up).  Probie should be good for a goal or two and it’s always tough to count out the defending champs, but without three of their top guys it’s going to be an uphill battle for gang green.  Take the Hippos and the over.

Hide your buffets – the Hippos are in town.

Cleveland Browns (-150)
The Charging Cheetahs (+110)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)

The pick: A rematch of last week’s offensive explosion sees the Browns head out to Cheetah Coliseum for the second half of a home-and-home.  The Cheetahs had no answer for Luke last week and will be hard pressed to stop him again without Gabe and Mikey.  Ariel and Riegler will step in to do their best impressions, but the Cheetahs will have to do a better job of marking the Luke/Yetter/Julie line if they have any chance of winning.  Sully, Olivier and Sena will be key in the transition game, and they did manage to slip three by Tim K in the first period, the most he’s given up in a period all season…but then he shut the door for the rest of the game.  You can never count the Cheetahs out of any game they’re in, but without Jo’s homeboy it’s going to be a tough task to take down a Cleveland Browns team that’s firing on all cylinders.

My Cup Size Is Stanley (+115)
The Purple Parrots (-155)
Over 8.5 Goals (-115)
Under 8.5 Goals (-125)

The pick: When these teams met back in week 3, both were hanging out in the basement like high school virgins, waiting for their first sweet taste of victory / sex.  Just three weeks later, both teams have five points and can move up to 5th place by the end of this game if everything rolls right for them.  Cup Size will be without their captain and the breasts that gave their team their name along with first round pick Joey Bats.  Meanwhile, the Parrots should have most of their roster in tow and will look to counter the black team’s high scoring style by playing shut down defense in front of Campbell.  Henry’s had a big season so far and Creamy’s rocketed to the top of the scoring race in just two games played.  This is shaping up to be a classic offense vs defense battle, and you know the old saying – when in doubt, and you’re an absolute degenerate who needs action on this game, take the defense.

Team Sexy (-145)
Ball That (+105)
Over 7.5 Goals (-120)
Under 7.5 Goals (-120)

The pick: Ball That has had an up-and-down season, looking overpowering in a Week 2 drubbing of My Cup Size Is Stanley and gutting out a tough 4-3 win over the Parrots in week 4 on the strength of a Miles hat trick.  But they’ve also had their share of clunkers and were down 3-0 in one period of play last week to the Hippos (granted, Miles was a last minute scratch for that one).  Tonight they should have their full lineup and will have their hands full with a blue team that has yet to lose in regulation, is tied for 2nd in goals and has seven players in the top 30 in scoring.  The primetime game should offer plenty of fireworks and a subtle preview of Sunday’s Fuzz/LBS showdown as AFrey/Avery do battle with Jeff/Miles.  It should be an exciting game for fans and spectators, but smart money’s on Sexy to hang on in a tight one and keep rolling in the race for the President’s Trophy.

* Contact Hicks if you have a gambling problem

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