Week 9 Betting Lines (Spring 2021)

Green Street Hooligans (+105)
Crimson Wave (-145)
Over 6.0 (-125)
Under 6.0 (-115)

Notes: This is the game most likely to actually be played tonight so as such, it gets a somewhat real preview. I’ve run out of drinking games to roast these teams for so I guess I have to roast their poor hockey skills. Unfortunately these teams are actually pretty good with 3 of the top 7 point scorers and 6 of the top 15. Wave’s recent resurgence has been led by SBJ, Meg and Sully all rocketing to the top of the scoring list but Zisser has also low-key rocketed up to 2nd on the GAA chart. The Hooligans similarly started the season slow but are now in 4th place although they’re tied in points with the Goaldiggers and Cup Size. Both teams are playing for crucial playoff byes: red is going for 1st or 2nd, which gets a direct bye to the final four, while green is going for at least the 5th seed which guarantees a bye past the 6v7 play-in game. Neither team has asked for subs so I must imagine these are mostly full rosters. Probert and Cherie vs McQuade and Meg is wildly compelling up-front to see which combo can put up more points tonight but the battle of the attornies in net will probably have the most influence on the game. Assuming we actually get to play this one, the Wave’s recent momentum seems too strong to be stopped by anything but rain. Red to win and smash the over.

Hungry Hippos (+110)
My Cup Size Is Stanley (-150)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)

Notes: This game is slightly less likely to happen than the 6:30 but seeing as we’re running out of runway on the season we’ll proceed as if someone in this league can stop the rain from happening (anyone who steps up with such a power gets free dues for next season). The Hippos have lost a number of close games this season but still sit within striking distance of the 5th place bye. They have a game in hand over everyone except for Cup Size who is looking to make a late run for the 2nd seed or, at the very least, hold on to a top 5 spot. The Hippos will be missing Brad and Solgon while Cup Size will be without Hogg, Ramy and Mo and will thus probably be using one of the Demons ringers from earlier in the season. Seb should be back for the Hippos which will give them a huge boost (not as much of a boost as he would’ve given them in beerpong/flipcup though) but Neil has been superb this season…the vaunted Hippos defense will certainly have their hands full in this one, rain or no rain. This is the first of two meetings between these teams and with both teams motivated to put recent early season struggles behind them, my moneys on a tight defensive game and an easy hit for the under.

The Goaldiggers (EVEN)
Crimson Wave (-140)
Over 6.0 (-135)
Under 6.0 (-105)

Notes: No confidence this game happening. If it does, I think Meg will be too much for the Digs to handle. 8:20 puts us right in the danger zone of rain though. Sad times.

Spicy Tuna Rolls (-140)
Sex Panthers (EVEN)
Over 6.0 (-120)
Under 6.0 (-120)

Notes: Legit zero confidence this game happening. If it does, it should be a fun one. Sex Panthers will need a sub and it will probably be McQuade/Austin’s high school goalie buddy playing out. Last time these teams played blue dressed three goalies, with both Zisser and Casca playing forward, so might as well run it back this time (except for the part where Jack scores a hat trick – no one wants to see that again). The Panthers need this game to have a shot at 1st place while a win for the Tunas would clinch the #1 seed. No idea what purple’s lineup looks like or what the line should be but Tunas are in first so they get the respect of the league sportsbook. Not too much though but enough to install them as the favorites for this pivotal late season clash.

Pray for a weather miracle, otherwise I just wasted 30 minutes writing this and you wasted 5 minutes reading it.

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