Week 6 Betting Lines (Summer/Fall 2021)

Green Street Hooligans (-140)
Orange Royals (EVEN)
Over 6.5 (-125)
Under 6.5 (-115)

Notes: Probert and Jack are playing in a roller hockey championship game tonight but the Hooligans will still have both Austins, Pags, possibly Seb and the rest of the lineup in against a full strength Royals team (minus Ramy but he wouldn’t even know the score of the game anyways).

The Royals have looked better since the trade but have a stiff test as the Hooligans are in 2nd place, having only lost to the other two of the top 3 teams in the league. Cherie and Tash are the best 1-2 lady punch that has ever been seen in this league and the offense is improving with Saucy and Otis learning how to run rather than skate every week; this sweet passing play is proof of that.

Sadly, the final part of that video is what the Royals will sorely miss as Jeff was only subbing in that game and while they’ve generated chances this season they haven’t finished nearly enough of them, sporting only six goals scored in four games. Put another way: there have been two full-game D5 shutouts since COVID hit, and both have come this season against the Royals. I was all set to tell you that this is a sneaky spot to bet the Royals but with Corey dropping out this morning, as of now we have zero goalies available for this game. I will update with a game line once a goalie is secured; it will either be Casca (playing the 1st game of what would be a tripleheader) or a rostered player using Jack’s goalie gear. Yikes. The combination of their scoring woes and Hooligans games averaging nine total goals scored per contest prevents me from touching the over/under but give me the Royals at plus odds if Casca plays and probably at minus odds as well if its a roster player.
UPDATE: Casca is in, Pags is questionable, Probert remains out…Green opens at -140. I’m taking orange at even money.

The Goaldiggers (-105)
The Barrel (-135)
Over 6.5 (-130)
Under 6.5 (-110)

Notes: As you may have heard, Jack is out of action as is Westley but the Barrel are one of the deepest teams in the league with a forward core that will still feature Derek, Davis, Sanchick, Krueger and current ladies scoring leader and all-time ladies night proponent Annie. The Barrel are in first place having lost zero games so far this season but one could argue they were on their way to a week one loss to Cup Size before a flash thunderstorm ended that game prematurely; when it resumed, Cup Size was playing without several of their top players and they lost. Tonight with white at full strength and purple missing Jack, this game is a true toss-up. I have to get back to begging someone to sub for the green team but my gut tells me to take the Goaldiggers in tonight’s upset special.

My Cup Size Is Stanley (-110)
The Sexy Ducks (-130)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)

Notes: Commissioner Bowl XI commences in the prestigious 8:25 slot with both teams fielding some of the fuller lineups they’ve had all season. Cup Size will have Neil, Scotty, Max, Joe and pretty much everyone except Cro in the lineup, with the Jerusalem chapter of the team sneaking one last game in before atoning Wednesday night and Ryann finally back from one of her many sex trips that she should probably atone for. Meanwhile the Ducks will continue to miss Meg (jaw), McCauley (wrist), Kelsey (France), Ariel (Florida) and Kevin Mahoney (homeless) although things are starting to trend up for blue; not only have they won 3 in a row but Kelsey is back next week, McCauley somehow played a BTSH game Sunday against doctor’s orders, Mahoney has secured an apartment and will move to NYC in the next couple weeks and Meg’s face is healing at a record rate. For tomorrow though a female sub to be named later will sub in on defense while Casca subs in for Waldman in net. This is going to be a fun, fast paced game but the Ducks have won three straight and even with the talent missing, this remains one of the deepest teams in league history. Bet the blue to keep the streak going.

Hungry Hippos (-145)
Frothing Hyenas (+105)
Over 8.0 (-120)
Under 8.0 (-120)

Notes: The Hyenas will look for their first victory of the season as they face the Hippos who just received a carrier pigeon from Europe last week that indicated that Jeff Green would be missing an extra month of the season due to his meeting a lady in Europe and deciding to live in a van with her for an extra month. Annoying for me to find subs every week but also sounds like a pretty good decision all things considered. The Hyenas have fallen on tough times and need a statement win to get their season going. Unfortunately it’s unlikely to come tonight with a ton of talent missing; as of press time, the only players in the lineup are Metz, Riegler, Rys, Lerner, Cory, Courtney and Lorredonna. Not the worst group but definitely not enough to take on a full-strength Hippos squad. Danilo and Braun are game time decisions and will have a huge impact on their team’s chances. Around this time last season we were constantly speculating on the sex life of newly domestic Braun and reminiscing about the old day of Barrel Braun; now we’ve got a real life D5 team named after 2019 Braun but he’s never around, having showed up last week for the first time. He scored two goals in two games although to be fair one of them remains a mystery on par with do we live in a simulation and how the hell did they get those flyers for hookers in the bags in Ocean’s Eleven (easily the biggest plot hole in a movie full of them). The Hippos will use the services of Max in goal and while he may be tired from playing in the previous game, yellow should still have enough firepower to put away a shorthanded Hyenas roster. Line may shift slightly if Braun/Danilo are in but I’m betting on yellow to make up some ground in the standings with a win here.

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