Royals, Hyenas Swap Lottery Picks In Blockbuster Deal

Two teams facing early season struggles made the biggest in-season trade in league history on Tuesday night as the Hyenas sent Cherie along with Josh to the Royals in exchange for Danilo and Courtney. While there have been countless pick trades and leaked post-draft pre-roster-release trades in the past, the only previous in-season deal was last year’s one for one Herman/Chester swap. This trade was much more complex to pull off with no less than three previous iterations of this trade coming close to the finish line only to be called off. All four players agreed to waive their no trade clauses for this deal as is required by the league CBA.

In his first public appearance since the deal was announced and since he almost caused a covid outbreak to hit Seacrets bigger than the chlamydia outbreak that place is generally known for, Royals President, General Manager, Team Owner and 8th best player Matt Russo issued the following press release:

For Immediate Release:
The Royals are ecstatic to be bringing in two players as skilled as Cherie Stewart and Josh Wagner. We believe these players bring the energy and identity that we can build around for seasons to come.

We wish nothing but the best to Danilo Biagioni and Courtney Ryan, and thank them for their time with Orange. Best of luck this season and beyond. 

The sheer volume of talent contained in this deal is truly remarkable. Cherie was the first non-goalie drafted this year, is the highest scoring lady of all time and is the only player to captain back-to-back championship teams.

Danilo, meanwhile, won the championship in his first season, even with 1st round Probert missing all his team’s playoff games in a crazy attempt to prove the Ewing Theory correct once and for all. He also won the Brian Leetch Award last season and sometimes does cool shit like this.

Realistically, this is the rare trade that could easily work out for both teams. The Hyenas have been absolutely hemorrhaging goals at a record rate, with 17 goals allowed in two full games along with 3 goals allowed in just over 10 minutes to The Barrel in a game that will be completed tomorrow night. Braun finally showing up for a game will help the Hyenas make up for the loss of Cherie on offense but Danilo will be tremendously helpful on D while Courtney can fill in on the back-end as well. She also sometimes scores big goals like this, even if Casca’s ass (assca) is blocking the camera a bit.

Orange, meanwhile, is pretty set on defense with Tash and Otis anchoring a unit that includes a ton of people with names starting with the letter M: Malik, Mo, Mel and even Matt (Russo) himself. But they legitimately put up less than 6 shots on goal in their loss to The Goaldiggers because they had absolutely no sustained offensive zone pressure. Cherie will be a huge help in zone entries and pretty much running their offense while Wagner contributes speed and tenacity to the forecheck. This is normally the point where I’d embed a video of a Wagner goal but I have no such video at my disposal so here’s a nice one by McCauley instead.

Orange has already won their first game post-trade as Cherie made a late appearance to the 9:25 game and made a massive impact in helping the Royals win their first game of the season 3-1. The Hyenas will hope to get Danilo and Courtney in the lineup as early as tomorrow night as they play a double-header against The Barrel (finishing the game they’re down 3-1 late in the 1st) before facing the Green Street Hooligans in the primetime game. While things have not gone according to plan thus far, two wins tomorrow could vault them as high as 3rd place by the end of the evening. Sadly these two teams will have to wait until October 19 to face each other but will then play a home-and-home with two games within 72 hours. Seeing as Danilo didn’t play a single game for Orange I doubt there will be any video tribute on the scoreboard but we will certainly provide betting lines on that series for which side of the trade will score more. In fact, since I’m not sure how to end this, let’s just end it with a few extra prop lines.

Who Will Score More Points Rest Of Season?
Cherie + Wagner (-150)
Danilo + Courtney (+110)

Who Will Score More Points Rest Of Season?
Cherie + Gavin + Otis (-120)
Danilo + Braun + Kev (-120)

Which Team Will Pick Up More Points In Their Home-And-Home?
Orange Royals (-120)
Frothing Hyenas (-120)

Which Team Will Finish Higher In The Standings?
Orange Royals (-145)
Frothing Hyenas (+105)

Will Any More 1st Round Picks Be Traded This Season?
Yes (+2500)
No (-6000)

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