Shooting Blancs (-3.5 Goals) (-160)
Merry Pranksters (+3.5 Goals) (+115)
Over 8.5 (-110)
Under 8.5 (-130)
Notes: Yes indeed it is week 4 of the Fall 2023 season despite what your calendars may tell you. At long last we are back and the return kicks off with Simon and the Blancs taking on a severely shorthanded Pranksters team as Tom, Danilo, Joel, KG, Steph and multiple other players are out. McCauley has unfortunately left us for good but Andreas will take his place for the rest of the season and he is in for this one. The Blancs have what Simon referred to as a “good lineup” which actually frightens me. When he says “incredible, ass-kicking lineup” I would assume they sucked, but when he acts humble and confident I actually think the Blancs are going to come out and work tie dye. Anything can happen but I’ve got white by 4.
Bonus Lines:
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Sam Gelman (+135)
Adam Satok (-180)
Lonely Island Video This Vaguely Resembles: With the season finally back after a 5 month hiatus…let’s just say there’s a lot of excitement out there.
On Tuesdays We Wear Pink (-4.0 Goals) (-120)
Merry Pranksters (+4.0 Goals) (-120)
Over 8.0 (-125)
Under 8.0 (-115)
Notes: Tough situation for the Pranksters as they have one of their shortest lineups of the season but also have a doubleheader. And both games seem to be against teams that are a) very good and b) have players showing up. You hate to see it, unless you’re fans of pink or white, in which case it’ll be a fun night in the stands. Justin’s wife might literally give birth during this game which I think is a sign from the gods. Pink should roll here. There’s better days ahead for the Pranksters, but those days aren’t today.
Bonus Lines:
Pranksters Spread Both Games
PNK & BLNC (-8.0 Goals) (-120)
Merry Pranksters (+8.0 Goals) (-120)
Pranksters To Win Both Games (+800)
Pink To Win Both Games (-250)
Lonely Island Video This Vaguely Resembles: Gelman needs a hero but I’m not sure he’ll find one tonight.
More likely he ends up like this guy
On Tuesdays We Wear Pink (-285)
Jewish Golden Calfs (+195)
Over 7.5 (-105)
Under 7.5 (-135)
Notes: The Jewish Golden Calfs were in great shape heading into the break but suffered the toughest departure of them all as Jake is back with the Red Sox. Malik will be his replacement but he’s out for this game, in for Fridays and the playoffs. I am higher on this gold team than most (pretty much anyone), but this is a tough matchup against a full-strength pink squad without Jake/Malik as well as Tash. Pink to win their second of the night.
Bonus Lines:
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Jo Robin (-200)
Minsky (+140)
Lonely Island Video This Vaguely Resembles: Pink fans are having a great day, gold fans are trying to buy drugs. Life comes at you fast.
Bada Bing (+2.0 Goals) (-130)
96th Street Bastards (-2.0 Goals) (-110)
Over 8.5 (-140)
Under 8.5 (-120)
Notes: Jason Campbell is gone, off to LA to drink 12 bud lights and pass out on the beach. He will be missed by many, probably me most of all because I found his antics hilarious. Black, a team that already boasts Rich, Ariel and Dave GDR decided they needed to get older and thus added Gil who now officially becomes the oldest player in the league. He is also quite good though so maybe this reverse Benjamin Button strategy will work out for them. It may seem strange to call him a rookie last season but he technically was and he was 6th in rookie scoring in the biggest rookie class we’ve ever had. On the other side of the coin. Purple needed that break more than anyone. They had been getting shellacked and Jack/Annie were on pace to potentially miss multiple regular season and playoff games. Incredibly, they are now not missing many games at all and certainly not any playoff games. And word is some incredible business development went down in the offseason. I don’t quite think they’re going to win this one, but I think they will be much improved in the 2nd half of the year. Black, with Hicks and Gil leading the offensive charge, should roll.
Bonus Lines:
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Jack + Annie (-120)
Hicks + Maddie (-120)
Lonely Island Video This Vaguely Resembles: The confusion I felt the first time I saw this video was pretty similar to the confusion I felt when Jack, who asked me to draft purple’s team, showed up on the draft zoom unannounced at 3 AM local time in Italy after boozing for 7 hours and steadily drinking a magnum of wine. I’ve honestly never asked him but something tells me Hicks was an OC fan. And I once named my fantasy hockey team “Jack’s Sister’s Team.”
Red Eyed Peas (-320)
Bluebies (+200)
Over 8.0 (-120)
Under 8.0 (-120)
Notes: Normally this would easily be the game of the night: first place blue on a historic pace through three games against a deep red squad with the best female tandem in league history. For tonight, it’s a tough matchup as Sam and Brita are out, Corey and Ellie are GTDs and the goalie is still TBD. There is still a good deal of talent on this blue roster thanks to what was honestly one of the finest drafts in league history, but tonight is not looking great. Hopefully the GTDs come through and a goalie materializes. In any case, red has to be favored here.
Bonus Lines:
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Cara + Nate (-120)
Chad + Brad (-120)
Lonely Island Video This Vaguely Resembles: People may think of me like the boss of this league but considering all the absences blue has tonight I’m somewhat concerned it’s going to be more like the thumbnail where someone poops on my desk.
Bada Bing (+2.0 Goals) (-105)
Red Eyed Peas (-2.0 Goals) (-135)
Over 8.0 (-120)
Under 8.0 (-120)
Notes: It really cannot be overstated how excited Zisser is to play on a team called “Bada Bing.” A team named after the strip club in The Sopranos. It’s a dream come true and arguably more exciting for him than winning a championship. He will still be playing hard, especially if purple’s defense hasn’t improved in the offseason, but I think red has too much here. Peas to win their second of the evening.
Bonus Lines:
More Points In This Game
Jack + Annie (+140)
Tarnow + Cherie (-200)
Lonely Island Video This Vaguely Resembles: Both teams second game of the night and Cara’s going to be flippin’ burgers while Annie’s at Kinko’s straight flippin’ copies. Then again she is a woman of business; she probably knows Kinko’s well. I’d still prefer the boat.