Oh, Deer! vs The Golden Girls
1st Period:
DEER (1-0) – Hicks (11) (unassisted) (0:43)
DEER (2-0) – Andreas (2) (assisted by Hicks) (13:45)
2nd Period:
DEER (3-0) – Tom Fitz (9) (assisted by Hicks) (2:39)
DEER (4-0) – Jay Travers (1) (assisted by Will Burchell) (13:34)
3rd Period:
DEER (5-0) – Hicks (12) (assisted by Munir) (1:30)
GLD (1-5) – Minsky (9) (assisted by Ari Fuchs) (2:38)
GLD (2-5) – Minsky (10) (SH) (unassisted) (7:09)
GAME NOTES: The previews predicted a camo beatdown and that is pretty much what the people got. Two late Minsky goals made the scoreline look respectable but Deer was in control of this one throughout. I would make an Inglorious Basterds Jew Hunter reference but I think you get the picture. 5-2 Deer as they continue their late season ascent up the standings.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Tom Fitz (GWG)
2nd – Minsky (2G)
1st – Hicks (2G, 2A)
Julie’s Football Club vs The Smurfs
1st Period:
JFC (1-0) – Jared (5) (assisted by Rob Meehan) (9:10)
SMF (1-1) – Chad (16) (unassisted) (13:08)
2nd Period:
JFC (2-1) – Mitch (2) (unassisted) (1:31)
JFC (3-1) – Kev (2) (assisted by Alex Merone) (9:16)
3rd Period:
SMF (2-3) – Justin M (4) (assisted by Andrew) (0:16)
SMF (3-3) – Chad (17) (assisted by Cardello) (6:25)
Overtime:
SMF (4-3) – Sam (2) (assisted by Chad) (3:47)
GAME NOTES: This game meant almost nothing to The Smurfs as they had the final four bye basically sewn up already but somehow it turned into a playoff style game. The fans were as engaged for this one as I’ve seen for any game this season and in the end it a blue comeback from 3-1 down after two capped off by a Sam OT winner to definitively clinch a 5th President’s Trophy in the past 6 seasons. Then again, the one non-1st place season in those six was last season’s championship so not sure if that’s good or bad…the video of Cardello getting hit into the boards so hard the entire rink shook and almost collapsed, followed by him screaming “YEA BOY LETS FUCKIN PLAY BALL” then the crowd going wild and Hicks screaming for floor slap is easily one of the clips of the year. Pure electricity.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Jared (1G)
2nd – Sam (GWG)
1st – Chad (2G, 1A)
Mel’s Power Trip vs Oh, Deer!
1st Period:
MPT (1-0) – Brooke (3) (assisted by Mike Sanchick) (13:39)
2nd Period:
MPT (2-0) – Jai (1) (assisted by Malik) (2:33)
3rd Period:
MPT (3-0) – Mike Sanchick (4) (PP) (assisted by Yehuda) (3:28)
MPT (4-0) – Mike Sanchick (5) (PP) (unassisted) (9:23)
DEER (1-4) – Tom Fitz (10) (assisted by Andreas) (13:12)
DEER (2-4) – Andreas (3) (PP) (unassisted) (13:58)
GAME NOTES: Yellow led throughout and, on the back of 3-4 power plays, controlled this game en route to a 4-2 win. It’s 4-2 and not 4-1 because of one of the shadiest goals I have seen in all my days on this earth as camo executed the rarely seen, rarely attempted “fake walk off the court during your own power-play” move only for Andreas to slap it in right off the faceoff they were supposedly not even trying for anymore. It was honestly incredible although Jeff Green hated it and tried to rip up the scoresheet after the game. Sorry buddy, that shit stands. Poetic justice for stealing multiple Coronas from me in Nashville and rather than drinking them, just breaking the bottles immediately. Cocaine is one hell of a drug.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Jeff Green (W, 2 GA kind of)
2nd – Brooke (1G)
1st – Sanchick (2G, 1A)
Mel’s Power Trip vs Julie’s Football Club
2nd Period:
JFC (1-0) – Mitch (3) (assisted by Jared) (13:02)
3rd Period:
JFC (2-0) – Kev (3) (EN) (assisted by Rob Meehan) (13:18)
GAME NOTES: This game had the lowest over/under outside of a championship game probably ever as it was an even 5.0, and even that proved to be way too high for these teams. Seriously, there were long stretches of this game where no one got a scoring chance. A defensive battle that will serve as a case study for why you should do drugs before watching these games, but JFC edges out MPT with a beautiful goal from Mitch and then a slightly less beautiful empty netter from Kev. Zisser gets the shutout and told me he might sit out the season finale to protect his league best GAA. Knowledge of and willingness to exploit technicalities like that is why that man is my attorney.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Kev (1G)
2nd – Mitch (GWG)
1st – Zisser (W, SO)
Mojo Jojo vs Merry Pranksters
1st Period:
MOJO (1-0) – Tyler Hines (1) (assisted by Adam Satok) (9:41)
GAME NOTES: Man these low scoring games are an absolute godsend when you’re trying to catch up on weeks of box scores in a single day while sitting on 3 hours of mostly worthless zoom calls. Tyler absolutely snipes late in the 1st and somehow, despite insane Prankster pressure the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Gelman’s last trip to Dorrian’s, Corey would make the lead stand up with a shutout. 1-0 green.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Adam Satok (1A)
2nd – Tyler Hines (GWG)
1st – Corey (W, SO)
The Hart Foundation vs Mojo Jojo
1st Period:
MOJO (1-0) – Tyler (2) (assisted by Danilo) (2:46)
2nd Period:
MOJO (2-0) – Tyler (3) (assisted by Adam Satok) (11:52)
3rd Period:
HRT (1-2) – Rockoff (1) (assisted by Vanessa) (2:22)
HRT (2-2) – Matt Stabel (3) (assisted by Jake Kolenberg) (3:11)
HRT (3-2) – Miles (5) (unassisted) (4:53)
HRT (4-2) – Sean Kittridge (1) (unassisted) (12:01)
GAME NOTES: Tyler picks up two more goals for three on the night which I am going to refer to as the lazy man’s hat trick, but a furious pink rally in the 3rd is too much for Mojo to overcome. They played 5 awesome periods on the night but the badness of that 6th one means they go 1-1 for their efforts. 4-2 pink as they keep hope alive of climbing to the 7 seed. That said, odds are high this was a playoff preview and these teams will meet again next Tuesday in the 8/9 matchup.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Rockoff (1G)
2nd – Tyler (2G)
1st – Miles (GWG)
Clappin’ Cheeks vs Red Cheeks
1st Period:
CLAP (1-0) – Ryan Levine (9) (assisted by Ridzik) (4:04)
CLAP (2-0) – Tommy (6) (assisted by Will Carter) (5:49)
CLAP (3-0) – Dom (2) (assisted by Will Carter) (12:20)
2nd Period:
CLAP (4-0) – Ryan Levine (10) (assisted by Tommy) (0:46)
RED (1-4) – Jason Reape (5) (assisted by Campbell) (2:07)
CLAP (5-1) – Will Carter (3) (unassisted) (2:58)
CLAP (6-1) – Ryan Levine (11) (assisted by Ridzik) (6:18)
CLAP (7-1) – Ryan Levine (12) (assisted by Will Carter) (13:17)
3rd Period:
RED (2-7) – Carter (2) (assisted by Henry Butler) (0:43)
CLAP (8-2) – Tommy (7) (assisted by Dom) (1:58)
CLAP (9-2) – Tommy (8) (assisted by Dom) (2:44)
CLAP (10-2) – Ridzik (1) (assisted by Dom) (9:04)
GAME NOTES: Kinda nuts when you have 3 or 4 points in a game but can’t even get a god damn star out of it. Sorry Will and Ridzik but such is life on Clappin’ Cheeks when they play red and just pile on the goals. Blame black cheeks for having too much scoring depth or red cheeks for refusing to play defense – your choice…this trilogy is now mercifully concluded and man was it extremely painful…for red. In three games they allowed 25 goals which accounted for almost half of Clappin’s season total and incredibly vaulted them to the all time record for goals in a season. Just an incredible team effort from the black leopard offense and from the red defense. This is the kind of teamwork and camaraderie you love to see. Man do I hope they meet in the playoffs because the over/under is going to be like 13.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Dom (1G, 3A)
2nd – Tommy (3G, 1A)
1st – Ryan Levine (4G)
Julie’s Football Club vs The Hart Foundation
1st Period:
JFC (1-0) – Will Carter (1) (assisted by Julie) (11:23)
2nd Period:
JFC (2-0) – Mitch (4) (assisted by Tash) (7:03)
JFC (3-0) – Kev (4) (assisted by Will Carter) (12:21)
3rd Period:
HRT (1-3) – Rockoff (2) (assisted by Mike Wright) (5:39)
JFC (4-1) – Will Carter (2) (EN) (assisted by Tash) (13:00)
GAME NOTES: Probable rookie of the year Will Carter subbed in and got two goals, including the empty netter to seal it, plus an assist. Pink put forth a yeoman’s effort even with an insane amount of absences but like the ending of Casablanca, it didn’t amount to a hill of beans.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Tash (2A)
2nd – Mitch (GWG)
1st – Will Carter (2G, 1A)
Red Cheeks vs Julie’s Football Club
1st Period:
JFC (1-0) – Kevin Aylesworth (1) (unassisted) (2:41)
JFC (2-0) – Mitch (5) (assisted by Kev) (8:49)
3rd Period:
JFC (3-0) – Will Carter (3) (PP) (assisted by Tash) (4:40)
RED (1-3) – Tarnow (2) (assisted by Carter) (6:19)
RED (2-3) – Jason Reape (6) (assisted by Tarnow) (7:37)
RED (3-3) – Jason Reape (7) (assisted by Vanessa) (11:25)
Overtime:
JFC (4-3) – Tash (1) (PP) (assisted by Kev) (0:46)
GAME NOTES: After falling behind 3-0 red makes a spirited effort to come back and with 5 minutes left this suddenly turned into a playoff game out of nowhere. But a late penalty sapped their momentum and gave orange the opportunity they needed to snuff out hope like a frigid hag in a disgusting nightclub. 4-3 JFC as they pick up their second win of the evening and keep hope alive for the 4 seed.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Kev (2A)
2nd – Jason Reape (2G)
1st – Tash (GWG, 1A)
The Hart Foundation vs Oh, Deer!
1st Period:
HRT (1-0) – Rys (1) (assisted by Jake Kolenberg) (4:09)
DEER (1-1) – Jordan Dickson (3) (assisted by Tom Fitz) (6:33)
2nd Period:
DEER (2-1) – Tom Fitz (11) (assisted by Jordan Dickson) (10:59)
3rd Period:
DEER (3-1) – Hicks (13) (unassisted) (0:56)
HRT (2-3) – Rockoff (3) (assisted by Ryann) (5:29)
DEER (4-2) – Tom Fitz (12) (assisted by Jordan Dickson) (8:39)
DEER (5-2) – Jordan Dickson (4) (EN) (assisted by Hicks) (13:06)
GAME NOTES: The camo resurgence comes to a fitting conclusion as Hicks notches the game winner and assists on an empty netter that both clinches 6th place for camo and wins him the final leg of his parlay with a -2.5 goal spread. He would later go on an email rampage at Dorrian’s bumping the power rankings thread every time he came across someone who trashed camo, which was pretty much everyone but me. Also there were a bunch of women in 50s dresses for some reason but I have no comment on that one. 5-2 Deer as they officially escape the play-in and take their rightful position as my darkhorse pick entering the playoffs.
THREE STARS OF THE GAME:
3rd – Hicks (1G, 1A)
2nd – Tom Fitz (1G, 2A)
1st – Jordan Dickson (2G, 2A)