Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+160)
Layin’ Pipe (-2.0 Goals) (-250)
Over 6.5 (-130)
Under 6.5 (-110)
Notes: The Pranksters come into this game off a big time win Friday night but also missing two of their top dmen (T-Dubs & Rickard). Meanwhile Layin’ Pipe has been, well, layin’ pipe most of the season but ran into a hot Red Floyd team Friday night and was shut out 2-0. Perhaps more importantly than actual hockey facts or stats, the following photoshop was brought to my attention yesterday when I was checking emails on the toilet (true story).
If you don’t know what this in reference to – shame on you.
Big fan of the work here although I think some of the correlations are slightly off. This graphic would have us believe that Pete is Henry Hill, the well-meaning young guy who gets pulled into a life of crime, Ryan is Jimmy Conway who seems harmless but is actually evil incarnate while Tommy is Tommy DeVito, crazy italian dude with an insane temper who for sure has zero interest in getting his shinebox. In reality, I’d say that Ryan should be Henry Hill, Pete should be Tommy DeVito and Tommy Covelli should be Jimmy Conway because although he seems like a nice quiet dude, especially when he wears the glasses and looks kinda like Clark Kent, he’s actually nastier than pretty much all of you. Are two of these guys going to end up whacked with the third in witness protection (not to be confused with wetness protection, which is something else entirely)? Tune in to find out. While I do hope none of them die tonight, I do think they’re going to lay a hammering on a shorthanded Pranksters squad who do have Amanda subbing which slightly lowers their expected goals rate but severely raises their bench screaming rate. I’ve got silver by 4.
UPS (-120)
The GoldMembers (-120)
Over 8.0 (-105)
Under 8.0 (-135)
Notes: This matchup is incredibly close. Gold is 1-1 and I think will continue to prove themselves to be underrated by pretty much everyone except me this season. Meanwhile UPS was rated #2 in the preseason power ranks but got off to a nightmarish start, losing two games on opening night, one of them to Jenn, and giving up a combined 14 goals. I haven’t lost a game to Jenn since the summer of 2019 but let me tell you, it is a pain that never goes away. In the words of one player on brown – total disaster. Ok, that actually may have been my words, quoting Trump, referencing god knows what. I think UPS is going to bounce back strong and will eventually get in some kind of groove this season but not sure if tonight’s the night as gold is a formidable foe. I have this game as a near total toss-up but expect it to be very high scoring as gold has played two games, each ending 5-4, while brown has played two games that featured 20 total goals. Yikes.
Merry Pranksters (+2.0 Goals) (+120)
Red Floyd (-2.0 Goals) (-165)
Over 6.5 (-120)
Under 6.5 (-120)
Notes: Red gave yellow such a beating on Friday that unnamed Seahorses were complaining that their goalie subbed an earlier game, as if such situations haven’t happened for 14 straight D5 seasons, and as if they didn’t have one shot on goal through the first 10+ minutes of their game. Tie dye is thankfully unlikely to make such poor excuses, but I fear the results they get will be much the same. I don’t believe the Pranksters are as bad as most people think but this is a tough matchup and with two of their top dmen out, they are in serious trouble and for sure Waiting For The Worms in this one. Red by a lot.
The GoldMembers (-1.5 Goals) (-255)
The Seahorses (+1.5 Goals) (+165)
Over 6.0 (-130)
Under 6.0 (-110)
Notes: Thankfully for the Seahorses, Corey won’t be playing in this game because his attendance is legitimately impossible to predict and I won’t have their goalie subbing for anyone today. Not as thankfully for them, they won’t have Brett, Sanchick is a GTD and Mel’s five minute shifts are going to be tough to pull off in 90 degree heat. I think gold will actually be wearing black but that’s like to be the only concession they make in this one. GoldMembers by multiple goals as Joe celebrates letting me handle a full draft for him like he’s DeNiro in Casino and I’m Billy Sherman, the Don Rickles character who at one point gets beaten with a telephone. Ow.
Ninja Turtles (+140)
Red Floyd (-215)
Over 6.0 (-110)
Under 6.0 (-130)
Notes: This game is almost impossible to handicap without knowing Luke’s status as he is a true GTD for this one. Rockoff is out for green which is a massive loss for them but red also won’t have Wes. Im not sure which way this is going; Wes is a big loss for red but Luke is arguably an even bigger loss for green in terms of value to the team. At full strength I think it’s a really tight matchup between two of the top five teams in the league. Tonight, I think Zisser and Sonj will keep the game low-scoring but green also has only played one game and it was a goal bonanza so bet at your own risk. Also as soon as I received the Pipefellas meme I immediately had to personally request for this one to be custom made as a corollary. Just no choice honestly.
No idea why the eyes are warped on DeNiro and Sharon Stone, or why Zisser’s face on Pesci looks downright haunting or why I am now apparently the director of this picture but any comparison to the legend Martin Scorcese is an honor that I will gladly accept. See ya tonight.